CIX - neither here nor there

no song plays at four thirty in the morning - except the anthem which runs at six.

here's an interesting question: which is hardier, your generic run-of-the-mill cockroach, or the factory-line standard ballpoint pen? it's not an untidy comparison, i don't think. might be like asking which is juicier, apples or pears, but slightly less intuitive to consider. i'd go with the ballpoint pen in a head-to-head, although i've heard that roaches can survive without their heads for days, which is ghastly.

you never know when the writing feeling hits, i suppose. in this case it's basically four thirty in the morning, and you know how you have to get up and pee when it's cold, and then hope to catch a bit more before the sun's up. but i thought about the impending release of the exam results, which, more than previously, i've been looking forward to. nevermind what i always say about results being secondary and all that, i felt like i'd done real swell this time. feeling pretty bullish, as it were. i'm grateful too for having a semester to remember, as a last one, none of that dreadful banking law crap, or financial accounting. well, that's one hundred and sixty credits of law school, yup count 'em up, one hundred and sixty. not bad at all.

the second thing i thought about was just about law school, well, put another way, about maybe forgetting some of the things that have happened all this time. so i might not be able to get them down at any rate, but i guess they'll drift on as little inky dinky bits of memory, reflecting in the more strangely occurring shafts of light.

i remember the second interview i did to get in. walking along the charmingly white corridors and archways, i remember thinking that i'd probably be happy here. and i've counted my blessings more often than not, since then. it was just one of those beautiful sunny days in school, the kind that everybody would know a hundred times over. it's that kind of school, you know? it's like a '60s es-335 of schools - classic, mellow, a bit vintage, takes a bit of class. hoho, nice one.

... my notes are not typically inspired at this point... something about law camp and this girl i liked because we took some photobooth shots together... both of us having long hair. haha, whatever.

anyway, at this point i'm running low on writing juice. well, geez oh whiz. hmm something about an intuitive dislike for mindmaps, etc. etc., ah here we go.

i'll always remember my lowest day in law school. i got a D+ for open memo from everyone's favourite lawr tutor, god rest her soul. i also flapped in an own goal in some inter year soccer match later that day. it was an infamous day. scottish bagpipes blow in dishonour at that day. mugs are sarcastically raised, and dourly gulped.

no exchange, yada yada, the good things about having a law school education, still missing the ac gep camaraderie all these years, and in conclusion... oh a terrible one i wrote down. my gosh how the mighty have fallen. it is insipid ian, after all.

CVIII - scratching it out

song of the week: america, horse with no name
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSAJ0l4OBHM

i haven't got too much to write about just yet, which is mildly surprising. part of it has to do with being drowsy and all, having slept very little on the flight over. part of it also has to do with Adelaide being a little underwhelming this time round, although i wouldn't say this is anything to do with the country really. sitting on the porch today, reading my newest little book-friend, Murakami's Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, the serene river countryside, occasional flappy birds and distant slopes slowly registered as a part of my periphery, actualised in the spatial receptors of my inner mind. really, it took that long to fit in, to feel the country as the country. again, that really hadn't anything to do with Adelaide. somewhere between all those parts were my own feelings of, well, longing, slightly suppressed as they were by having travelled all this way away, that much further from a girl i'd missed on the way out. that's all, probably.

it was no point consoling myself, with those circumstances, so i hadn't. it was, of all things, the rain. the rain! still rueful thinking about it. it's a kind of reassurance though - things couldn't possibly, possibly end on so inconsequential, so utterly mundane, so poor a note. it would be like seeing Alicia Keys do a duet with, well, whoever. you get the idea. we simply wouldn't have it.

right, so that's out of the system. part of me is kinda confused nowadays, between missing this girl and wondering what to do if a pretty chick talks to me. again, i know i've got a slightly semi- (well, semi-demi-quasi) charming part, so i'm not really sure if ... oh my gosh i can't make sense of what i wrote there... i'm being me and moving forward or not. cos like i said, things couldn't, could they, things couldn't possibly have ended there, i don't care how long it is till next time. so i guess we'll see, again.

caught Revolutionary Road on the way over, heard about it beforehand, and it was everything i expected it to be. watching it reminds me about what my good friend jason once said, when you're with someone, if you're happy you're damn happy, and when you're sad you're damn sad. i guess i hope it's not like that, eventually. i'm realistic but not fatalistic, and so generally if i hope for something i'll try to have it come out right, i.e. i don't want to have it that sad. anyway in the show, the husband-wife relationship really brought out the possibility that two people, a beautiful couple in every way, could struggle in their daily lives and also in their grander ideas of life, the things they want to do with themselves, with each other, maybe. maybe most other couples got by with just living, and goodness knows that's a bit of a full time job; thinking about what one person's dreams are about juxtaposed to another's, overlaps and misgivings alike, could go well or not, couldn't it? was it then really all about luck? plain old luck, special lovey luck, stuff like that...

the other thing about the movie was about taking the beautiful things for granted. trust, guilt, anger, self-loathing, the usual cycle, pandora's boxey stuff.

well, underwhelmed, underwhelmed. haha, i dunno. i've got time to slow down a bit and feel my way into this place. which i guess is part of the point, in'nit? luckily i've got two Murakami books with me (no prizes for guessing) and a ton of things to do around the house and grounds. might be able to borrow a guitar soon, so kinda looking forward to that. just gonna chill and try out being of good cheer for awhile. that will work out, i'm sure. no need to think about the girlies for awhile.