song of the week: ooh! aah! cantona!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ6moPWuzqM
honourable mention: mark cole, vaughandrix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KYLkuhaePA
during the past few days, i wondered:
do people treat me coldly sometimes?
i've given it much thought, both objective and subjective. and i've come to some conclusions.
firstly, it's very hard to second guess other people.
secondly, it's very easy to misunderstand other people, especially when only a short exchange occurs, in limited circumstances.
thirdly, i don't like to worry about what other people think of me, because, well, to put it briefly, i roughly know what i'm doing. i think this is, secularly speaking, the most important conclusion.
fourthly, it's best not to come to any conclusions, fluid or whatsoever, without actual communication.
fifthly, everything waxes and wanes, like the population of toads in a pond. (check out the links, just note the cool graphs) think complex equilibriums.
http://www.inhs.uiuc.edu/research/biocontrol/theoriesmodels/nbmodel.html
http://books.google.com.sg/books?id=1cFozFXjjlAC&pg=PA182&lpg=PA182&dq=Nicholson-Bailey+Model&source=bl&ots=atJvMYtR21&sig=usJboYXk7D2TCrFP-rNhLXI4IZY&hl=en&ei=MheyS4HqFJG3rAeik8yhBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=10&ved=0CC4Q6AEwCQ#v=onepage&q=Nicholson-Bailey%20Model&f=false
http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/sci/maths/people/staff/matt_keeling/math_modelling/stochastic/
sixthly, a christian is judged by his fruit. understandably, judgment by man is subjective, even if there are well-established objective criteria for judgment. but there is no inconsistency here. God is my judge, not man. and i think i do alright here.
the funny thing is, i decided to be extra nice to people lately as far as i could. and i generally get the feeling, whether or not as a result of my endeavours, that people are warmer to me. this tells me some things.
firstly, people like to be (at least, by appearances) treated nicely. also, in a short exchange, what person A remembers most about person B, and how he treats B, depends quite substantially on how B acted towards A in his previous exchange. this is true even where i think my character compensates for however unpleasant (if at all) i was in past exchanges.
secondly, there's no reason that what i roughly think i know of what i'm doing is misguided or errant. to doubt this would go to the pith and marrow of a lot of what i think i do or ought to do. dangerous ground.
thirdly, it's hard to be batman-ish. as in, i feel that people tend not to appreciate a good person if that person is cold or cool by demeanour and general interaction.
fourthly, people who i see less often treat me more nicely (if only for pleasantries) than people i see more often. strange (and lamentable), but true.
fifthly, i care a bit more for being treated nicely than i care to admit.
therefore my conclusion is that it's important (if at least to grease the wheels of social life) to at least try and treat people nicely, in short exchanges. i thought i cared little for what people thought of me short term, because the person i was in the long run would shine through. sadly, this may not work out as i expected.
whether or not i can still do my 'al pacino' thing then. ah screw it. i'd rather be al pacino.
