don't think there's gonna be a song of the week... for some reason music hasn't been doing it for me lately. but i suppose that's ultimately fair... given that my soul yearns for (subjective reason, biblical). still, music is a big part of my life, although i do think that sometimes a little time away is necessary. i suspect the problem is that i take listening too seriously. (the problem is that when i listen to a song i expect myself to re-live the emotions of the song like the best time that i experienced hearing it... which is kinda difficult to do all the time.) like now i can't listen to classical music when i study... cos i pay too much attention to trying to understand it. it's like jazz, i try to make sense of it, and it defeats any purpose of listening for the sake of ambient music. so far, this is (and should be) a good problem. radio is basically a no-go at this point, along with most things. but who really gives a crap what i listen to.
on second thought, because it is my alarm song and it is always in my head,
dire straits, brothers in arms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2rx3IAEISA
anyway, this is, surprise surprise, somewhat of a milestone. a 50-cent stone, if you will. i think that i've tried my best to, above all, be true to what i think and feel. and i regret that it is presumptuous, and i regret that it isn't always agreeable. but it is what it is. to some extent, i dare to say the things i say because i believe that my character is sufficient for such. that if other people believe in me and my character and have faith in me and trust me, that the things i say are the best of what i believe of in myself and in each other person.
yeah i know it sounds all high and mighty. but i dare to say it. i live by one real standard, which is to be trustworthy, and honestly, i haven't failed anyone. i've sacrificed many things, including fun and ... such other things that pale in comparison, that seem less important to me because i think that of all things, i just want to be trustworthy.
and i never really say this, but just as important to me is that i accept people. i accept that they want to live and they want to be happy and they want to do their own thing. i accept it, and i encourage it with all my heart. i want only that people are happy. and to the extent that i go all grumpy and frustrated with people, and try to 'share' my idea of how things should be with people, i apologise. i really do.
so this brings me to my real topic... of people having insecurities. it is something that i dislike seeing, especially if there are more important things to worry about. i previously mentioned that i think that people are driven most fundamentally by fear. i suppose that i refer to little, unimportant and misconceived fears as insecurities. i admit that this is a wholly subjective distinguishing test and it may thus be practically useless. but taking a pragmatic view, it is not difficult to distinguish between a genuine fear and an insecurity. take for instance, not having enough money to buy food. or, thinking that one's nose is too flat. there will no doubt be an overlap where an insecurity would objectively be regarded as a fear, like for instance, meeting hot strangers. this is a joke example, but begging your pardon, you must understand that i am not interested in the median example. i henceforth reserve my criticism only for insecurities that are truly meaningless in the greater scheme of things. i further realise that there are distinct elements of insecurity in meeting hot strangers, namely, that they are strange, and that they are hot (and i am not). this joke example seems more and more pertinent. nevertheless, let us press on.
i doubt i'll go into much detail, thus i apologise for the rather long prelude. i basically wish that... people would look past their insecurities, accept themselves, and have more sympathy for those who need it more.
look. i want you to clear your mind. now think of anyone, anyone you know, anyone at all. would you be able to identify any insecurities that person seems to have that maybe you think that person should get over?
this is basically how i feel. i'm not judging anyone, i'm not! ... but as an example that always irks me, how about this: popularity. i would die a grumpy man if i thought always of this thing that peeves me to no end.
all the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players. well, not this one, and i frickin mean it. i mean, you're beautiful the way you are, people. keep it real.
as to people who think they are fat, i'm not even going to say anything. i just hope they don't friggin mean it. i don't hate fat people, gosh no. i just wish that people didn't think they were fat if they didn't look like a magazine idea when they looked into a mirror.
this is turning into a rant, which seriously, is not what it's meant to be. but it's always going to be hard to be critical.
anyway my point is ultimately this. if you could live without fear (and god damn, in this world you and i live in we've pretty much got a flush in each of our hands), and if you could live without the insecurities that the world casts on you and that you adopt for yourself, don't you think, don't you even think, that there would be so much more in life you could care for, that you could really devote a bit of your life towards bettering? that it'd open your eyes to the needy of this world, and how each one of us has a responsibility towards humanity, in the sense that the very idea of freeing other people from their insecurities, their fears, and their needs, is humanity at its individual finest?
a glorious idea, and perhaps somewhat rhetorical. but here's a humbler goal: contentment.
i think i shall try and conclude. the world doesn't need a saviour (subjectively i suspect it does), but it does need people to live for a larger idea. now there may or may not be other reasons why i dislike people who harbour insecurities, but i suspect the truth is that i dislike people who belabour themselves with masking their insecurities. in other words, pretense and insincerity. (i suspect that having read
tender is the night these hols i feel like puking when i think of pretentious people. but see
the great gatsby, one of my favourite books, ever.) i suspect that i also dislike people... who develop comfort needs because of their insecurities. anyway, i'm no f-ing saint, but i suspect that's not the requirement either. imagine each person, living without true insecurity. now i think that is something i would like to see.
is an insecurity invisible? how is it distinct from another important idea - desire? jesus christ.
this is about enough from me. happy new year, people.
