I have realised that life for me is a process, a process not of achieving, or of attaining, or of arriving, but of waiting.
I say this despite the fact that it is in our nature to strive for the objects of our desires. So there are generally speaking two phases in this mode, well, the desiring/creating of desire comes first, but I refer here to the striving and then the attaining. For me, I feel that we tend to lose perspective when we strive. I think we neglect (even ignore) a very vital existential attitude, which basically should tell us that we may die in the next instant. And so we create priorities for ourselves which tend in the larger picture to be myopic. We sometimes lose that spark of our humanity, which is compassion. So much for the ills of striving. And is not attaining the lesser of striving? Much the lesser I say! Who has in attaining ever been satisfied in his soul? None, for the soul stirs, whether in straining or in joy, by endeavour. And many have realised only dismay at the final reckoning of the measure and costs of their attainments.
So what is better? I say waiting is better. And here are two phases to waiting, one I shall call the accepting, and two, the enlightening. Accepting is a simple idea made simpler by realisation of the true precariousness of our situation. What we are, and to some extent, what we have become and where we hope to go, in truth, are entirely and profoundly not up to us to decide. Life is crucially and fundamentally whimsical. Take a moment to consider this. You have five fingers, do you not? And which of those five fingers did you decide to grow? And what will your hands and feet do tomorrow? If thought is to precede action, it is not sufficient for us to insist on action as a meaningful end in itself. Accordingly, no amount of striving can overcome the fact that life is entirely whimsical and gives little regard to our efforts. So that is acceptance. Acceptance at its strongest provides that we cease to desire. Instead, we abide.
But we do not merely abide. For enlightenment yet remains. This consists of gratitude and of seeking betterment. Gratitude in that we have so many things that few in this world can do without. Fingers, air, shelter, education, hope, love, and so on. For God has tried but apparently man was not worthy of a perfect world. So we must be grateful for all that we have been given in this imperfect world. And certainly we must on that basis also have compassion.
To me, I seek betterment because I subscribe to Socrates' idea of the good. I think that knowledge, truth and wisdom are ends in themselves. And so I believe that there is fundamental meaning in desiring to behold the good. Not to use these to further my own purposes, no, but to surpass myself and to fully and bravely live as an intelligent human in this wonderful world. Thus also may I do justice with what I have been given and be some model or encouragement to those around me.
Socrates also argued that it was necessary for the good of each city to be guarded and ruled by men who desired the good. Transposing this, betterment is necessary because there is so much we can do with what we have to help this world. If we are unable to see above our own mean desires, we will scarcely be able to lend aid where it is needed. And if we do not become better in every way, we will squander the fleeting opportunities we will be given to do good work. Betterment is to me the single most important facility we must busy ourselves with. Not attaining, bettering. What we hope to be is to be better and thus to be worthy, presently or eventually, of guardianship and of husbandry of the things (or people or places) that will be entrusted to us by destiny (or, if you will, the higher power). And so the question here is, are you good enough and are you wise enough to take your place at this seat? If not, are you at least worthy of the apprenticeship? Can you one day be fit to "serve"?
So this is waiting. I wait, and I remind myself not to worry. I am, I hope, worthy of waiting.
