what is worry? what is this thing called worry? that it clings so tightly to the mind, that the brows can but furrow in consternation. that the eyes stare down, and off again into space, frowning in the maddening knowledge that there is no ready answer. between irritation and frustration, faculties incessantly toeing the line, forced to meander between helplessness and solitude. distractions are hardly welcome, impotence not improved by time. with concentration almost fully spent, what remaining mental strongholds yet become minefields. worry heaps on more worry, multiplied by every nexus realised. like a faulty part that spoils the whole scene, the whole outlook. worry is indefeasible. worry is prodigiously unhealthy, but chronically difficult to stop.
worry is a delusion. is an illusion. is all a big bloody lie. and it works very well, and it is evil.
the answer is perspective.
1. "who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
"the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. but seek his Kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."
"the seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature."
2. "i think about the cosmic snowball theory. a few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. the earth will be turned into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. when that happens it won't matter if i get this guy out."
3. i've always been fascinated by the idea in the highlander series, of the quickening. long story short, it's where two immortals can share every memory and experience and skill they ever had. i remember good guys could do this by holding up a sword together, whereas a decapitation in a fight also does the same. imagine you could share all your ideas and perspective with someone else. we're not talking only about data, like a shared drive between two people. we're talking about all reception, perception and application, everything. imagine that.
4. perspective is the difference between being totally fucking pissed off and having a bloody good time. paraphrasing senthil, "dude you're gonna be an amazing athlete. but you need to learn to control your emotions. when you're year four you'll understand. just play for fun."
and i still don't like the way that sounds. i don't give in, ever. and i know senthil doesn't either. but that's the amazing thing about perspective. that's how amazingly i had the best fun in a game playing rugby. it meant nothing to me in one sense, but it meant a lot to me in another sense. i can't even begin to understand, much less apply, this difference in perspective. i think maybe it was that i felt responsible for one loss and not the other. but i played well in both. how isn't that good enough, ian? i know, i refused to lose, yet i lost.
the more we pick up, the harder it is to put stuff down. we hope and we plan and we expect and we review. wisdom is a lie, amazingly. it helps you tell what is important enough to worry about and what isn't (here i use an expanded meaning of 'important', work with me). but that puts us right where we started. wisdom is a lie, my gosh, it's a lie.
"the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."
"for the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom."
wisdom ought to tell us what is truth and what is a lie. now i'd say that's wisdom.
why does man worry? so... strange.
