i think i know the answer. and it is very sad.
the answer that i have decided is correct is very simple.
we must lose everything in this life in order to gain holiness with God.
i wish that i had the strength to rebel. there are many things that i cannot bear to renounce. i know that to deny these things would destroy me humanly. i cannot bear to give up the good things, the things that i believe in, unless i believe that i give them up for something better; yet i cannot bear to give up these things. i fear that to give up my heart and my head and my strength would empty me. but i cannot rebel. i cannot rebel because my soul knows that there is a God, and it believes in him. i cannot rebel because my soul loves God - as only my faith-filled soul could. i wish i were dead; i would give up everything of me if i could simply die. and so that is my truth. i have given up one extreme and therefore must follow the other. just as Jesus gave up his godhood and became sin's sacrifice, so i am asked to give up my manhood. in the end this life is utterly meaningless.
life is deception
faith is truth
God is love
