XCIV - drunk too deeply from the cup

song of the week: deep purple, mistreated
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvC5tTTaogI

XCIII - that hollow feeling

i'm screwed, really. i can't go ten minutes without thinking about you, and when i do, i realise that i'd rather be doing that than focusing on whatever it is i'm doing. and so i close my eyes and let my thoughts drift, picturing you, remembering the things we laugh at, your scent, your little features i sneak glances at. and i think i'm trying to remember the feeling of being in love, for the first time, to actually be dreaming about a girl, and not have it feel foolish or futile. time gets that hollow feeling when i think about you. sometimes i feel really excited and sometimes i feel really dreamy.

and it occurs to me that maybe this won't happen, for whatever reason. i'm at least that much realistic, although i couldn't oh gosh i guess i couldn't think about that right now, so i leave it out of my mind. at any rate my heart beats on and it almost beats for you right now. sigh i didn't mean for it to be so dramatic or anything, but there you go. if it goes bad, i know it wasn't meant to be.

"If I had gone to Hwa Chong, I might have met my wife in junior college, and we might never have become an item down the road. You know, sometimes when you meet people too early, or in a different time and a different place, things would not work out."

- Prof Tan Cheng Han 

XCII - two things, that's all.

song of the week: john butler, ocean
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsnFvEQYJPU

one.
my good friend's birthday would have been last saturday. it's a... it's a sadness that just remains unbearable. if i ever could get a word to him, i just wanted to know if my friendship meant something to you, if being a friend to you made your life a little more or less something. i love you, man.

two.
at the grand old age of twenty four and a little, for the first time in my life, i know that even if what i wish for doesn't come around... well it could go well or it could go badly, the worst would be that i'd be back where i started. which, really, wouldn't be that bad. it's not, say, gatsby. poor gatsby! i don't think he of all men should have suffered disillusionment.

i doubt falling in love is worth so many trifles. really, this is the last time for trifles. when this is over, no more trifles for me.