ephesians 4, oh ephesians 4. yes, i suppose we all hate to be proven wrong.
i have embraced my anger like rags to fire. it is the kind of thing, and of late i think it may be one of the few things left, that really makes my engine go. my god damn human essence shimmers and roars in the heat of its inferno, blazing to rip into things, or sometimes into people. i think the harm has mostly been contained in intense fuming, directed at self and god, in philosophical angst, and in much mental back-and-forth. the fury emanates from my eyes, it is true. but that is the seat of one's perception; the eyes can scarcely be controlled.
let me ask you something, would you rather be angry or sad? because i don't think there's a great distinction between these two - it's only a difference in perspective. one who is sad is in the same vein able to be angry at what makes him sad, and one who is angry must have been sad about something. and if one cannot find a suitable object, one can always be angry with god. i don't think there's anything wrong with telling god that you're angry with him. jonah was angry, wasn't he? job was angry. and i mean angry with god. maybe you'll dispute that, but we can have that discussion again. maybe you'll say, there is a great difference between being angry and being sad, and that is that being sad never made someone destructive. i think that i shall not have to directly oppose that view, except with this question in return - given that one generally has compassion and gentleness and kindness and goodness, and might do some good in his natural state, which is worse, for him to be made into an angry man, or into a sad man? again maybe you'll say, one who is angry tends to act for selfish reasons. i don't think this objection requires much response either - i think that being angry and mature about it is no less good than being sad and mature about it. and this is not to say that in my fury i have not first been sad. no, if anyone gave a fuck it would be me.
so let me ask you again, would you rather be angry or sad?
let me tell you the answer the bible wants you to know. it is better, far better to be sad.
as for my answer, i honestly don't know. it is not about pride. i mean, everything is about pride, sure, and pride is inextricably, inexorably, and inevitably linked to identity. but i don't think it's about pride. i'm selfless in my own way, and i believe in the good, and the good of things, so i don't think it's about pride. yes, we've all danced that fandango before.
and let me tell you something - in my anger i figure i've been more good than harm.
"everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that god desires".
