http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Q7Vr3yQYWQ
There's this feeling I get almost every day. Like that I've forgotten the moment. I sit down with something and I try and detach my consciousness and live in that something. To try and evoke the original and pure memory of being in the moment with that something. To remember the feeling of being alone with that thing alone in all the universe. To feel it to accept it to embrace it to sense it to resonate with it to be in it to be as it to be it. To be not me but me as it.
But almost every time now I can't do it anymore. I can't lose myself in the moment. I feel I've lost the pure memories of so so many things. It comes to as if I've lost that child that is me. I just can't close my eyes and be pure again.
It feels like my adventures are over. I'm old. Some vital part of me extinguished. The gleam lost in my eye.
Doesn't that scare anyone when they think about it?
Is growing up worth all that? And where the fuck did I lose the way? Did the world want me to grow up or did I make that choice?
It feels like I've lost.
