nowadays, there's only one real reason why i get morose, and that's family. it's the one thing that's out of reach, but won't go away.
sometimes i wish i'd done more when i could have. sometimes i hope that i tried my best. i used to wonder why i couldn't have had it easier. and this family has a bad history. i don't know why, and i don't know why. why wasn't there anything i could have done, when i know what i'd do now. but it's too late. and even if i could go back i don't know if we'd listen to me. even for me i know i can't always win people over. people are fucking stubborn and i fucking get damn annoyed sometimes. but that's selfish thinking.
i care, you know. but it sucks to care when things are like this. you know i care, i've told you before. but i hate things like this. i wish you'd come back, but i wish you'd really go away. i'll miss you when you're gone, but fuck lar. you give me grief. you, you don't listen to me. you're stubborn, ridiculous. you give me the worst grief, and you're my mom.
i think about all the lonely times you have to go through, and i feel so sad. i wish i could be there for you, but i wish you'd stop bugging me as well. it's over, isn't it? isn't it? i feel like yelling, FUCK, ISN'T IT?
and i know it'd make you sad to no end to read this. but this is exactly what you know is true. and i'll never be able to bring myself to tell you.
angelina, tommy emmanuel. it tells me, listen. listen, my boy. life will end alright. no, no, just listen. and as you smile and as you waft and as you tap your foot and as you hum to the tune. even if it's a gloss over all the crap, just let it persuade and let it convince and let the cover-up feel good.
maybe i'll play it for you someday, mommy.
