i went to the downstairs appliance store to get a few things, and seeing a 6 plug multi-plug body, i decided to get that, some cable, and a plug head to fix up on my own. it’s not so hard. anyway i mentally calculated the cost of that and some other stuff and it came up to $18.40. The uncle rings up the register and it shows $19.40. i forked out the money, did the math again, and i knew it was $18.40. but i paid it and left.
i wondered why i didn’t say something about it to the uncle. firstly, i might not have been right the first time, but i'd already paid without protest, so the moment might have passed. secondly, he was an uncle, and it's these little snips that keep him going. thirdly, i would probably have made the situation awkward. it takes a little bit of mental stabilising to handle things tactfully and politely. fourthly, it was one measley dollar, what, not five percent of the total cost. cheaper than friggin gst. and lastly i wasn't having a bad day, so i let it slide.
i like to think of myself as al pacino in the godfather. like what would al p. do in this or that situation. i think the godfather movie teaches a man a lot about life. anyway, i suppose, firstly, that nobody stiffs the godfather. secondly, al p. has thugs that settle this kind of bullshit. thirdly, al p. has street cred to protect, so he'd probably have made things very clear to the uncle. fourthly, al p. is not stupid, he definitely does the maths. fifthly, al p. is a nice guy, he looks out for the mom n pop establishments that pay him protection. sixthly, al p. might give the guy a icy smile, and that guy would know that he'd stiffed the wrong customer.
besides the al p. stuff, i know that i'm a confrontor. i don't like to bite my lip and keep my mouth shut when i've got something to say. my ideal argument would be passionate yet respectful, honest yet responsible. i know that it's possible to reach this ideal, but i also know that not alot of people love to talk about stuff without reserve, even in an argument. but that's me, i'm like that, i'm brought up this way. but i also know that confronting is (for me) the easy way out.
i wonder about people who do hold their tongue. how they must feel so frustrated (because? therefore?) they chose to keep quiet, worrying whether the other person knows how they feel. the first or the second are both quite incredible, quite powerful choices to make. when you know that someone has chosen to keep quiet, in love, in some powerful desire for the other to choose to someday realise that they made a mistake, it's so humbling, for me.
it reminds me of arsene wenger. he's the type of coach that doesn't berate his players openly. he says, these players are mature, they know when they've done something wrong, sometimes without having to be told. i think the world of him, for his love of the game, his approach to football, and his respect for his players. what he wants them to achieve in terms of football, and in human maturity. i can't imagine how many years of scorn or abuse or impatience from others who wish he'd do something he must have endured, keeping his mouth shut in public, or even in front of his team, when he sees something wrong, and choosing to speak to his players privately, respectfully. i think that really builds character. could i do it? i don't know.
i've been brought up the other way. the hard way. the 'i scold because i care' way. and i believe in it, i love it, i love the people who've brought me up like that, because they care deeply for me, they're honest with me, they're curt with me, and they want me to know straight up that they have higher expectations of me. it's hard to take a scolding like this in front of others, teammates, family, etc., but it's taught me to stay positive, and to stay humble. it's a cliche sometimes, you've got to be cruel to be kind. and i apply it to myself, and i apply it to the people who look up to me. i suppose it's more like how fergie does it. and both these managers are football champions, manager/ coach heroes.
so i suppose it's a part of growing up. sometimes a man is mellow, sometimes a man is hard. but the important thing is to care. not to do either for selfish reasons, but to commit, each to his way, with as much heart as one is able.
