song of the week - mark knopfler, brothers in arms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbZRbBskloE
this is, or will be, i promise, an entry fueled by drink and sad.
today i graduated from university. it is not something to be particularly proud of, nor am i particularly proud of it. people, lesser or greater than me, do it all the time. my parents did not do it, but they walked the paths before them. i studied for many years to graduate, but that does not say very much about me or about graduating.
i am twenty five years old, and my friend died at twenty four. all things being equal, he would graduate today as well. or close to today, it is inconsequential.
he was a gep and a brother, and we Do Not lose these.
but we did. in the world as i imagine it to be, in a good world, we are all twenty five. we are all dressed in nonsensical shades of blue. we are smiling at each other. maybe we talk a lot, or maybe we don't. it doesn't matter. we are brothers, and we always wear smiles, in our hearts we always wear smiles. we break out the good jokes and we make fun of ourselves. we act stupid as only good kids do, and by god, we Are good kids. and i can see it in his eyes, brightly lit, his mouth, determinedly set, humming a little tune to himself, perfectly. he rocks a little, smiling at us, itching to break into a little slappity pat. but his name is called, and we all applaud, and we all sigh and smile. it is not just that dl is graduating. it is so many things, but it is that happy achievement, among other things, of one of the best people we know. if there are photos, we let them go. we care not for such things besides the ever-resplendent present.
and that is how i feel, every single goddamn day. you know, it's no good you being dead and i being here. it's no good at all. you know, ultimately, i don't care about anything, because every single goddamn day i give it my goddamn best shot, and i don't care what happens. but losing you is hard to take.
you were many things to me, and you were my john the baptist. i love you, man.
