written in response to a quoted christian poem, after a long and deep talk with said quoter. a good friend.
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well, i've heard so many versions of this "wonderful unknowable work of God" that i guess you could say it doesn't do very much for me anymore.
like i've said, i believe in it, sure, but what does it mean to, on the one hand, accept that God's work is like this, and on the other hand, to live a very strange and imperfect life, which to many, is all there seems to be to it? and life is so cruel and hopeless and quite ridiculous sometimes, and how is it that we have lives full and happy while others are poor or downtrodden and piteous? it just doesn't make sense how INCONGRUOUS it all is, as if the underlying principle has a fatal flaw in it.
the thing i can't get my head around is that life seems to be a stupid game but it is such an awful one. i mean, if we all simply have to believe before we die, what else is life about? could you really say that a full christian life, furthering the kingdom etc. means anything? how many christians even do that, or understand what they believe in? on top of that, how many of them give a heck about how the world really is, without being handicapped by their own insecurities?
and life seems to have no meaning if you consider that some die without even really living at all, not the way we have. we are chosen, but why? it doesn't make sense, it doesn't have a coherence i imagine a good world to have. and (this is a real issue i think, for non-christians) how is it then that the good world i imagine is better than one which God has made? would you not agree that given some Creator power it is possible we might make a kinder world?
i'll take it as given that you agree with me that loving God by choice is something that God wishes from us the most, i.e. it is the key underlying thing in the bible. but the thing is to have choice one must have certain pre-conditions, like say, having heard the Word, and being in a position to accept it and believe. but that doesn't hold true for everyone who's ever lived. and for some the roots and thorns of this world have really strangled the growth of the seed. can nothing be done for them? but how cruel life is!
it irks me all the time that these are questions to which the answer is that, God's work is unknowable, his foolishness is better than the wisdom of man, and that we have all sinned and brought death and ruin to this world. i can accept that faith is a leap of logic, but the faith i want to believe in must make sense to my mind. and the terrible state of the world is strong evidence that there is a senseless element to it, to christianity. here's one - did God really send a flood to kill everyone in Noah's time? why wasn't Jesus enough for them? and if God doesn't change, then what does it all mean?
look this is all a bit of a diatribe and i don't really expect you to want to reply it at all. but this is how i feel with my mind and my heart. i think you know what i mean, i think you do. and to me, i doubt any christian author can tell me more than what i already know from reading the bible. and when i read stuff that takes all this for granted, it also irks me. i'm sure you can see why i've stopped going to church, and looking for christian "wisdom". well, sorry to drop all that on you. haha i'd give you a wry smile now.
