Thursday, December 19, 2013
Sunday, December 15, 2013
CL - a thinking man
"Luke 10
...
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” 28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
Hebrews 11
Faith in Action
1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.
4 By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.
5 By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Ephesians 2
Made Alive in Christ
1 As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
[emphasis added]
i have said for the longest time that i am trying to love God with all my mind. and what is that? to me, it is to apply, as far as possible, a human understanding to the concept of the Christian God, without stretching either the former epistemology or the latter theology past a point where either becomes fairly unrecognisable. in the vernacular, it is to turn to the dark side.
by that token, it suggests that i am putting together chalk and cheese. my mind does not have faith. that seems to be definitionally right. but is that capital C right?
perhaps what is meant in the Word by "love ... God with ... all your mind" is to take certain premises on faith and then to rationally accept and praise God. but to be blunt, that is a cop out or i'm a monkey's uncle. and yet, that seems to be what the above passages suggest to be right, capital C right.
thus my journey ends? surely not!
boy it's hard to be a thinking Christian.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
CXLVIII - even hatsumi has appeared now
joe bonamassa, driving towards the daylight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTG-bCMG05E
in my dream we were friends, simply friends.
and even in my dream i knew that i wanted nothing to do with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTG-bCMG05E
in my dream we were friends, simply friends.
and even in my dream i knew that i wanted nothing to do with it.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
CXLVII - ok then.
dire straits, sultans of swing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2nQZPC2uTs
there is a moment in this song, a wonderful, magnificently captivating moment in this song.
allow it to take you, take it. suspend cognition and just be in it, in this moment that you could take.
it is a good moment and it will always be there for you.
in this moment i thought of joanne. i was afraid but i still thought, i gave it my thought. and the moment rose through me and as me. it was the best of my love for her, for joanne. it was my love and it was simply as it was, the best thing it was. and my love was the best it could be, the best it was. i accepted my love at its best. i could finally see it in its best, and i accepted it as that, forever.
it was me in that moment. all i have are fucked up feelings, but in that moment all was finally and wonderfully alright.
listen to this strange man and these wonderfully strange sounds coming from his guitar and there it is. there is my love for her.
i can't capture the moment anymore. but it echoes, and its soft resonances evoke the thought of my love, my perfect love, or, my love as it is perfected, although it will never be.
(ok then.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2nQZPC2uTs
there is a moment in this song, a wonderful, magnificently captivating moment in this song.
allow it to take you, take it. suspend cognition and just be in it, in this moment that you could take.
it is a good moment and it will always be there for you.
in this moment i thought of joanne. i was afraid but i still thought, i gave it my thought. and the moment rose through me and as me. it was the best of my love for her, for joanne. it was my love and it was simply as it was, the best thing it was. and my love was the best it could be, the best it was. i accepted my love at its best. i could finally see it in its best, and i accepted it as that, forever.
it was me in that moment. all i have are fucked up feelings, but in that moment all was finally and wonderfully alright.
listen to this strange man and these wonderfully strange sounds coming from his guitar and there it is. there is my love for her.
i can't capture the moment anymore. but it echoes, and its soft resonances evoke the thought of my love, my perfect love, or, my love as it is perfected, although it will never be.
(ok then.)
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
CXLVI - it does when i think about it
i remembered a conversation i had a year ago, or maybe two years ago, with an old friend. she asked me, does seeing her hurt?
it was something like that, something to that effect. i can't remember the exact words of that line. but i remember saying, after a long (and at the time, meaningful, well i thought so) pause, i said, it does when i think about it.
and she said, well, then you should stop thinking about it.
and at the time i laughed. or at least i smiled, and i think i would have smiled bravely. but the point is that i didn't listen, and at the time i was sure that listening would be stupid.
but she knew better. i admit.
and you knew. you always knew. somehow i always believed but you always knew.
i don't hold anything against anyone for it, it's just how things are. and it's not my place to at all.
maybe you could never explain to me how you always knew, but i'm sure i could never explain to you how i always believed.
it was something like that, something to that effect. i can't remember the exact words of that line. but i remember saying, after a long (and at the time, meaningful, well i thought so) pause, i said, it does when i think about it.
and she said, well, then you should stop thinking about it.
and at the time i laughed. or at least i smiled, and i think i would have smiled bravely. but the point is that i didn't listen, and at the time i was sure that listening would be stupid.
but she knew better. i admit.
and you knew. you always knew. somehow i always believed but you always knew.
i don't hold anything against anyone for it, it's just how things are. and it's not my place to at all.
maybe you could never explain to me how you always knew, but i'm sure i could never explain to you how i always believed.
Monday, July 29, 2013
CXLV - my friend with the heart of gold
dl, ahead on our way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afZPyBvuXPk
i once had a friend. his name was daniel.
i could not... put in words, what i thought of him.
his is the first great tragedy in my life; it may be the greatest, and the most tragic.
i unexpectedly found an email from him. perhaps he might mind me publishing these emails now. but he cannot protest. and i suspect he wouldn't.
i have often said that keeping things in one's memory is best. but there is my friend, dl. RIP, brother.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afZPyBvuXPk
i once had a friend. his name was daniel.
i could not... put in words, what i thought of him.
his is the first great tragedy in my life; it may be the greatest, and the most tragic.
i unexpectedly found an email from him. perhaps he might mind me publishing these emails now. but he cannot protest. and i suspect he wouldn't.
Well i've been finding it hard to understand how i'm feeling too sometimes. Definitely blessed to hear what you said. Havent got down to reading the sermon tho.
Hit you again as things come
yo, island of dreams
i don't really know how you feel and i can't say much to reassure you, but i guess that's not why you're writing to me either.
basically, this is how i feel. i didn't think you were too strong in your opinion or in your speaking. in fact i think it's important that we think through things robustly and rigorously, and if there's a bit of feeling, then all the better for it. i don't believe you've been un-christlike, and i don't think anyone should apologise for being honest. in many ways, the truth speaks for itself, but i also do believe that the Word speaks for itself, i.e. that it often doesn't need us (i'm understating this point for comic effect, humour me).
as to humility, very often it finds us rather then we find it, i feel. often times i feel that a humble person is really simply a reserved, disingenuous person. but that's just me, i am suspicious of people who wear the humble mask.
i am as much on a journey to find true humility as you are. if i stumble and bash across the way, i make no apologies for it. i try to be humble as Christ was humble, and i try to be passionate as Christ was passionate.
here, i recently read some john wesley. see if you have the patience to go through his preface.
see especially paras 8-10 of the first part.
ian
Hey Ian,
So i've been reflecting on the things i've told you about God, especially since this recent time of suffering. I've apologized for sometimes dumping my thoughts on you? thanks for taking it.
but it's not just that. i've been reflecting further on, well further back things. y'know on how i think a lot churches are wrong and i've been saying a lot of challenging things? Well through this time, as i've been reading and praying about things i can see further that my approach to these things has not been very good either. I mean I still hold that God has very different plans from what most Churches teach right now, but I feel in many respects my approach to dealing with the differences has not been Christ-like. and you're one of the people who had been experiencing my un-Christ like approach to dealing with it? I mean looking back there are a lot of ways I've dealt with it badly. Like i definitely know i've been a lot less loving and merciful than i should have been. And that my life still had a lot of work to be done, much that is much more obvious now. and in that light i think i've said some things i should not have said?
I can't say I've got it down now of course, I'm still learning. but I wanted to apologize to you that it and pray that God would have guided you through my mistakes.
Heh I've also been learning about my imperfections of course. I'll not be perfect (in some senses) here but i do want to apologize for things i do wrong too. and be humble about it
yeah, so. also thankful that you're like 'no it's ok!' and have been here to visit and talk with me.
oh and so like the thing about fasting. i've never really meditated much on fasting so i''ve just throwing back ideas that i do meditate on as you tell me about it, praying that God speaks to you through it too.
Yupz
DanieL
(i hope that made sense)
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
CXLIV - making the rounds
i had a moment of halcyon (what a word! i sooo love thesaurus.com) reflection today. as i made my round around bedok reservoir, the sky was grey and calm, the trees were full and swaying, and there was quiet all around. the kind of gentle quiet that makes things slow down, so that softer sounds stir. leaves fell to the ground as they always have, buffeted and caroused by playful breezes, interrupted only by the implausible combination of uncommon luck and a nimble hand. as i ran i thought, if only running could solve everything. so i wished that forever i could run through these trees.
restfully seated on a bench, i thought, man, i'm plateauing. i don't think i've become better in any way since i've been twenty-four. the past two years have meant nothing to me as a person. i usually look back at passing years in my life and can pick out phases of growing up, of learning. i mostly feel that i have things to better myself at. but i can't say that of the past two years, and whether it might not be the same way going forward.
i feel that i've become less strong. physically, yes; but i don't begrudge that. more importantly, i feel that there are some parts of my psyche that are less resilient, less robust, less self-sufficient. like the difference between naked snake and old snake. i feel more keenly what it is to be alone. i worry more about things which i would previously have laughed at myself for worrying about, even relatively important things; or at least, i take longer to laugh at myself lately. i feel the dim and dusk of evenings, that great affliction of mine, more severely; the pallor that that witchful hour casts on me weighs more gloomily, more seriously, more ponderously. if i am not cheerful, i am morose. i wish for... things, and times. i feel... vapid. like my adventures are over. like peter pan without never never land.
if this observation is correct, there are at least two conclusions i ought to draw. one is that i don't think there's anything left for me to learn or that is worth learning. i leave you to consider how wide this latter limb might be; it is entirely possible that i am right. [note that by "learn" i mean, to become better at]. two is that my willpower to learn has become too low. in other words, i'm tired of this phase.
there's always a way out. i know that. i know that i can rid myself of this passivity, this sluggishness.
but for so long, all i have had is this process. this god damn process. all the things that i am is due in part to this fucking process. this waiting, watching, thinking, and learning.
and where would i go? is there a world more free? and what then of the meaning of this struggle?
someday, i'll be twenty-seven. and so on. maybe there are no answers, only perspectives.
but i insist that is it better to be me than to be something else. i insist. so let not this cup be taken from me.
restfully seated on a bench, i thought, man, i'm plateauing. i don't think i've become better in any way since i've been twenty-four. the past two years have meant nothing to me as a person. i usually look back at passing years in my life and can pick out phases of growing up, of learning. i mostly feel that i have things to better myself at. but i can't say that of the past two years, and whether it might not be the same way going forward.
i feel that i've become less strong. physically, yes; but i don't begrudge that. more importantly, i feel that there are some parts of my psyche that are less resilient, less robust, less self-sufficient. like the difference between naked snake and old snake. i feel more keenly what it is to be alone. i worry more about things which i would previously have laughed at myself for worrying about, even relatively important things; or at least, i take longer to laugh at myself lately. i feel the dim and dusk of evenings, that great affliction of mine, more severely; the pallor that that witchful hour casts on me weighs more gloomily, more seriously, more ponderously. if i am not cheerful, i am morose. i wish for... things, and times. i feel... vapid. like my adventures are over. like peter pan without never never land.
if this observation is correct, there are at least two conclusions i ought to draw. one is that i don't think there's anything left for me to learn or that is worth learning. i leave you to consider how wide this latter limb might be; it is entirely possible that i am right. [note that by "learn" i mean, to become better at]. two is that my willpower to learn has become too low. in other words, i'm tired of this phase.
there's always a way out. i know that. i know that i can rid myself of this passivity, this sluggishness.
but for so long, all i have had is this process. this god damn process. all the things that i am is due in part to this fucking process. this waiting, watching, thinking, and learning.
and where would i go? is there a world more free? and what then of the meaning of this struggle?
someday, i'll be twenty-seven. and so on. maybe there are no answers, only perspectives.
but i insist that is it better to be me than to be something else. i insist. so let not this cup be taken from me.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
CXLIII - naoko
the cranberries, linger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
you are naoko in my obscure moments.
"... but you always really knew, i just wanna be with you..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
you are naoko in my obscure moments.
"... but you always really knew, i just wanna be with you..."
Thursday, May 23, 2013
CXLII - mayhaps, mayhaps.
張學友, 真情流露
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZStoR9wYiNs
today as i crossed the road to my workplace, i looked up at the sky and realised that i was alright.
something had been taken out of me, but there was nothing that needed to be made good.
i suppose that's what life is... every little day, every little thing, with every little step. good or bad, every little little.
did nothing really need to be made good? maybe, mayhaps.
last sunday as little coby snuggled in my arms, i felt all was right. i suppose family does that.
one moves on as one does. just like in forrest gump... peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZStoR9wYiNs
today as i crossed the road to my workplace, i looked up at the sky and realised that i was alright.
something had been taken out of me, but there was nothing that needed to be made good.
i suppose that's what life is... every little day, every little thing, with every little step. good or bad, every little little.
did nothing really need to be made good? maybe, mayhaps.
last sunday as little coby snuggled in my arms, i felt all was right. i suppose family does that.
one moves on as one does. just like in forrest gump... peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
CXLI - it's pretty hard
陳慧琳, 誰願放手
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OhD5nEnf2g
來這年這一天這地
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OhD5nEnf2g
來這年這一天這地
重見曾似相識的你
笑得輕鬆中帶傷悲
談你談我的新趣味
無法忘記當天的美
你的關心不過演戲
Saturday, May 11, 2013
CXL - okay. okay.
"maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life... we'll always have paris..."
this is the aftermath.
i now know that i do not and never will need another person's sympathy, no matter how desolate. this is fair. many are unconsoled in this world.
in my weakness i put to myself some consolations as i imagined receiving them. that is far enough. every day i used another thing, myself. so be it. nights i spoke to dead men. that much is also true.
this is a new day.
i have struggled to uphold a destiny i believed in. that was certainly foolish, but fools have a place in my world. i have fought well, and lost well. i am not a lesser man. that is sufficient.
mark it as a new day.
God willing.
this is the aftermath.
i now know that i do not and never will need another person's sympathy, no matter how desolate. this is fair. many are unconsoled in this world.
in my weakness i put to myself some consolations as i imagined receiving them. that is far enough. every day i used another thing, myself. so be it. nights i spoke to dead men. that much is also true.
this is a new day.
i have struggled to uphold a destiny i believed in. that was certainly foolish, but fools have a place in my world. i have fought well, and lost well. i am not a lesser man. that is sufficient.
mark it as a new day.
God willing.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
CXXXIX - no tears
michael stipes, in the sun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix77YY2ggjg&t=1m28s
you will haunt me in my obscure moments.
i think that is the best that can be done.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix77YY2ggjg&t=1m28s
you will haunt me in my obscure moments.
i think that is the best that can be done.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Sunday, May 5, 2013
CXXXVII - of all the gin joints...
as i rounded the corner and it hit me i thought, you've got to be joking.
a dream that makes you depressed when you wake up is basically a nightmare.
dazed, lifeless, now the sound of a man losing something. something like a destiny. or one he believed in. no difference, i guess.
no... you've got to be joking. oh, hi. yes, hi. my friend's having a birthday here, inside. no, don't bother. alright, see you.
pooushhhfft. can't really function.
saturday. dinner. i can't think of more than one we had.
i thought about it. maybe it wasn't destined. maybe someone else was better than me, for you. but that was rough.
boy. i think i owe it to myself to have a few drinks.
"... i remember every detail. the germans wore grey. you wore blue."
a dream that makes you depressed when you wake up is basically a nightmare.
dazed, lifeless, now the sound of a man losing something. something like a destiny. or one he believed in. no difference, i guess.
no... you've got to be joking. oh, hi. yes, hi. my friend's having a birthday here, inside. no, don't bother. alright, see you.
pooushhhfft. can't really function.
saturday. dinner. i can't think of more than one we had.
i thought about it. maybe it wasn't destined. maybe someone else was better than me, for you. but that was rough.
boy. i think i owe it to myself to have a few drinks.
"... i remember every detail. the germans wore grey. you wore blue."
Thursday, May 2, 2013
CXXXVI - a question we should all ask
video of the week: hitchens, dennett, dawkins, harris, a discussion on religion and atheism
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUg-1NCCowc
there are so many wonderful moments in this discussion. what i really like about the discussion these four have is that the intellectual approach each has is unique, and the discourse they share is deftly receptive, functionally progressive and formally intelligent. wonderful. i admit, i have a man-crush on sam harris. after the clip ended i immediately went to bookdepository.com to buy, "the end of faith" and, "god is not great". how couldn't i, really.
there is an underlying meta-issue in this discussion that intrigues me. paraphrasing, what dennett said, at about the 55 minute mark, was, "i ask myself seriously whether there is some truth in this world that if i knew, i would be better off keeping to myself. to just let the world go on without knowledge of this truth." the specific issue he had in mind at that point was, of all things, the possible environmental impact a criticism of free will could have. he went on, "i think that's a good question we all should ask." further on in the discussion, they considered the related questions, whether they wanted religion to end, whether they wished to see the churches empty on sunday, or alternatively, whether they would not rather leave room for the sacred in man's contemplations, in the form of a "benign" religion (generally, a tolerant, harmless, aesthetic-only religion). and they sort of wavered a little there. they had different answers: hitchens, slightly bemused, liked the idea of arguing against religion so much that he professed preference for religion not to end; dawkins rather preferred to clear the way for man's intellectualisation of the natural world; dennett suggested that a bit of the sacred might at the very least save man from triviality; and harris, agreeing (i guess) with dennett, segued into a discussion of religious inspiration for the aesthetics. i may have got the last two a bit mixed up, but that's more or less it. and later on they ask, is it better to have false consolations, or not?
so the basic question is ultimately this; are religious promises (i think it betrays a preference if the term "false consolations" is used) or a rationalist-centric worldview better?
there's a slightly condescending premise in this question, which i think you may well have to excuse me for. but it is, to follow dennett, an important question. and i think this is an opportune point to mention that i find dennett's intellectual humility extremely admirable. so to begin to answer the question, one must, at least, consider humanity sympathetically, pragmatically, discerningly. in other words, in situ. is it better for the common man (with all his plight, struggles and suffering) to be consoled, heartened and inspired by religious promises, or is it better to re-fashion man's worldview in truth, intellectual honesty and rationalism? put another way, are there allegories kind enough to be spared criticism? i may have to answer this at another time.
and there's another critical issue, viz, what to make of this cognitive dissonance that quite intellectual christians have, between the things they (rationally) examine from monday to friday, and the things they believe in on sunday. as hitchens fairly points out, we do each practice (and tolerate) a fair measure of cognitive dissonance in our daily lives, but the key question remains, what the tension is that this state of affairs causes to our perspectives.
personally, my answer to this is in the categorisation re-enumerated in luke 10:27, "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." i have considered this verse to be the path, my path: my soul believes that God exists, and with all my soul, i love him. therefore what remains is for me to find out how i can love the Lord with all my heart and with all my strength and with all my mind. i admit, i can't imagine how i could love the Lord with all my heart and strength. but my mind will try. it may have to brave the dark side a little, though, and not without a certain amount of relish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUg-1NCCowc
there are so many wonderful moments in this discussion. what i really like about the discussion these four have is that the intellectual approach each has is unique, and the discourse they share is deftly receptive, functionally progressive and formally intelligent. wonderful. i admit, i have a man-crush on sam harris. after the clip ended i immediately went to bookdepository.com to buy, "the end of faith" and, "god is not great". how couldn't i, really.
there is an underlying meta-issue in this discussion that intrigues me. paraphrasing, what dennett said, at about the 55 minute mark, was, "i ask myself seriously whether there is some truth in this world that if i knew, i would be better off keeping to myself. to just let the world go on without knowledge of this truth." the specific issue he had in mind at that point was, of all things, the possible environmental impact a criticism of free will could have. he went on, "i think that's a good question we all should ask." further on in the discussion, they considered the related questions, whether they wanted religion to end, whether they wished to see the churches empty on sunday, or alternatively, whether they would not rather leave room for the sacred in man's contemplations, in the form of a "benign" religion (generally, a tolerant, harmless, aesthetic-only religion). and they sort of wavered a little there. they had different answers: hitchens, slightly bemused, liked the idea of arguing against religion so much that he professed preference for religion not to end; dawkins rather preferred to clear the way for man's intellectualisation of the natural world; dennett suggested that a bit of the sacred might at the very least save man from triviality; and harris, agreeing (i guess) with dennett, segued into a discussion of religious inspiration for the aesthetics. i may have got the last two a bit mixed up, but that's more or less it. and later on they ask, is it better to have false consolations, or not?
so the basic question is ultimately this; are religious promises (i think it betrays a preference if the term "false consolations" is used) or a rationalist-centric worldview better?
there's a slightly condescending premise in this question, which i think you may well have to excuse me for. but it is, to follow dennett, an important question. and i think this is an opportune point to mention that i find dennett's intellectual humility extremely admirable. so to begin to answer the question, one must, at least, consider humanity sympathetically, pragmatically, discerningly. in other words, in situ. is it better for the common man (with all his plight, struggles and suffering) to be consoled, heartened and inspired by religious promises, or is it better to re-fashion man's worldview in truth, intellectual honesty and rationalism? put another way, are there allegories kind enough to be spared criticism? i may have to answer this at another time.
and there's another critical issue, viz, what to make of this cognitive dissonance that quite intellectual christians have, between the things they (rationally) examine from monday to friday, and the things they believe in on sunday. as hitchens fairly points out, we do each practice (and tolerate) a fair measure of cognitive dissonance in our daily lives, but the key question remains, what the tension is that this state of affairs causes to our perspectives.
personally, my answer to this is in the categorisation re-enumerated in luke 10:27, "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." i have considered this verse to be the path, my path: my soul believes that God exists, and with all my soul, i love him. therefore what remains is for me to find out how i can love the Lord with all my heart and with all my strength and with all my mind. i admit, i can't imagine how i could love the Lord with all my heart and strength. but my mind will try. it may have to brave the dark side a little, though, and not without a certain amount of relish.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
CXXXV - where three is less than one
song of the week: chopin, nocturne e flat major op. 9 no. 2 (valentina lisitsa)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV5U8kVYS88
i generally don't like to write a post without a strong central theme. it may be because i think it makes bad writing to say three or four unconnected things and even try to wrap up; it seems to me intellectually lazy, and in the latter case, dishonest. it leaves the writer with the feeling that there is nothing truly important to write about (in which case he shouldn't), and i think it leaves the reader with a sense that the entry is an update, more than a true post. around here, we simply don't do updates, and also because an update is a meaningless thing to reflect on and thereafter upon.
which is a pity because i have a few things which i think are interesting, but not compelling. in any case, i will do my best and see what happens at the end. in other words, take it from me, don't hold your breath.
first, then. the song of the week above is inspired by the recent delivery to me of a pair of audio technica cks90s, which replace the ones i lost in the middle of semester one of year four, which makes it late 2011. observe, then, that from late 2011 to yesterday, i refrained from buying a new pair. now that's restraint you can bottle (the reference here is to ni no kuni, an excellent ps3 game featuring studio ghibli and joe hisashi). anyway i plugged in them cks90s and it felt like an old friend, you know. perks you right up. i noticed for the first time the little chukh sound the piano makes when you step on (or is it when you step off) the pedal that removes the dampening thing (i.e. making the thing louder or sustain longer). i haven't got a clue what the technical terms are, but there you go. i did notice, too (and with a tinge of ruefulness), that the sound could be a little warmer, i.e. it could use a little more mid. but there you go. cks90s from amazon, 140 bucks with delivery, and a year send-back, apparently.
and sound does tend, for those of you who are wondering, to be described in various, rather sensuous, slightly non-sequitourish ways: sound can be fat, thin, warm, bright, dark, sparkly, brittle, edgy, etc., as well as the okay, i get that, type of adjectives, clean, full, rich, dynamic, sharp, mild, piercing, smooth, mellow, tight, etc. well there's also the stranger ones, scooped, saturated, almost-breaking-up, high headroom, mid-hump, compressed, etc. i've left out the more generic adjectives, such as sweet, groovy, vintage, classic, glorious, what have you. so you see, sound is a bit of a passion for us boys.
tl;dr (too long; didn't read), if you like a certain sound, go get what you like (if you can afford it).
two. it occurred to me, after reading some random article which isn't really worth linking, that on the premise that our humanly differences (i mean, inter-humanly) have resulted in most of our conflicts, and if the biblical account of the tower of babel is true, then what God did there is a terrible, terrible thing. just flat out awful. recall, humanity (the children of adam and eve) had, after the events of the flood, united as one society, and were building a tower with the purported aim of reaching the heavens. the Lord then caused all their (spoken) languages to be unintelligible to each other, so that they were scattered over the earth. perhaps they would have been better served if some bright mute guy had been around, which interestingly enough, makes this story slightly suspect - so what if we became vocally unintelligible? after all, isn't communication mostly visual, corporeal, somatic?
anyway, consider then, the innumerable wars of difference we have fought. consider the consequential problems of scarcity and unsatisfactory government and insurmountable co-ordination difficulties. we were, in one turn, struck from a utopia (i say this broadly) to a fragmentary feudalistic era, a 1984 of mini-nations, if you will. every piece of harm (and this includes all that racist, sexist, classist, tribalist, etc., bullshit, hell, even religious differences, maybe, although i broadly think that man, being man, would naturally, and rightfully, have come to believe the things he has come to believe in) that we have suffered as a race of men out of our differences has, if babel is true, resulted from a very awful piece of work that God had done. this must be then, the second most ridiculous thing he has done, after the flood. so riddle me that.
this is a link of a video i googled on babel. it illustrates the over-reaction. but remember first the consequences of babel.
i suppose, even if not for babel, mankind might have spread, and become territorially, socially, culturally disassociated. like the birds on darwin's island. so we might have fought anyway. but that's about as likely as saying singaporeans will fight (and i mean fight) people from 福建 in china. well, i guess it's possible.
third. it's been long enough for me at work that, i dunno, i've had to adapt and re-adapt. it's like my friend told me once at soccer, you have to win the ball, and you have to win the ball again. funnily enough, it's quite true, and quite intuitively true at that. anyway i've come up with a list of rules for myself. there's no doubt to me that they're good rules, the question is what balance i'll maintain between doing what i want (which is, of course, important), and sticking to these rules. to be honest, i've become a bit detached at work from the people around me. and that's because it's, i dunno, the nature of the beast, of my beast. as carlin once famously said, people are fucking boring. and let me explain, it's not only that people are themselves boring, it's that dealing with people is also boring. it's true, you know. people are fucking boring.
the rules, at any rate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV5U8kVYS88
i generally don't like to write a post without a strong central theme. it may be because i think it makes bad writing to say three or four unconnected things and even try to wrap up; it seems to me intellectually lazy, and in the latter case, dishonest. it leaves the writer with the feeling that there is nothing truly important to write about (in which case he shouldn't), and i think it leaves the reader with a sense that the entry is an update, more than a true post. around here, we simply don't do updates, and also because an update is a meaningless thing to reflect on and thereafter upon.
which is a pity because i have a few things which i think are interesting, but not compelling. in any case, i will do my best and see what happens at the end. in other words, take it from me, don't hold your breath.
first, then. the song of the week above is inspired by the recent delivery to me of a pair of audio technica cks90s, which replace the ones i lost in the middle of semester one of year four, which makes it late 2011. observe, then, that from late 2011 to yesterday, i refrained from buying a new pair. now that's restraint you can bottle (the reference here is to ni no kuni, an excellent ps3 game featuring studio ghibli and joe hisashi). anyway i plugged in them cks90s and it felt like an old friend, you know. perks you right up. i noticed for the first time the little chukh sound the piano makes when you step on (or is it when you step off) the pedal that removes the dampening thing (i.e. making the thing louder or sustain longer). i haven't got a clue what the technical terms are, but there you go. i did notice, too (and with a tinge of ruefulness), that the sound could be a little warmer, i.e. it could use a little more mid. but there you go. cks90s from amazon, 140 bucks with delivery, and a year send-back, apparently.
and sound does tend, for those of you who are wondering, to be described in various, rather sensuous, slightly non-sequitourish ways: sound can be fat, thin, warm, bright, dark, sparkly, brittle, edgy, etc., as well as the okay, i get that, type of adjectives, clean, full, rich, dynamic, sharp, mild, piercing, smooth, mellow, tight, etc. well there's also the stranger ones, scooped, saturated, almost-breaking-up, high headroom, mid-hump, compressed, etc. i've left out the more generic adjectives, such as sweet, groovy, vintage, classic, glorious, what have you. so you see, sound is a bit of a passion for us boys.
tl;dr (too long; didn't read), if you like a certain sound, go get what you like (if you can afford it).
two. it occurred to me, after reading some random article which isn't really worth linking, that on the premise that our humanly differences (i mean, inter-humanly) have resulted in most of our conflicts, and if the biblical account of the tower of babel is true, then what God did there is a terrible, terrible thing. just flat out awful. recall, humanity (the children of adam and eve) had, after the events of the flood, united as one society, and were building a tower with the purported aim of reaching the heavens. the Lord then caused all their (spoken) languages to be unintelligible to each other, so that they were scattered over the earth. perhaps they would have been better served if some bright mute guy had been around, which interestingly enough, makes this story slightly suspect - so what if we became vocally unintelligible? after all, isn't communication mostly visual, corporeal, somatic?
anyway, consider then, the innumerable wars of difference we have fought. consider the consequential problems of scarcity and unsatisfactory government and insurmountable co-ordination difficulties. we were, in one turn, struck from a utopia (i say this broadly) to a fragmentary feudalistic era, a 1984 of mini-nations, if you will. every piece of harm (and this includes all that racist, sexist, classist, tribalist, etc., bullshit, hell, even religious differences, maybe, although i broadly think that man, being man, would naturally, and rightfully, have come to believe the things he has come to believe in) that we have suffered as a race of men out of our differences has, if babel is true, resulted from a very awful piece of work that God had done. this must be then, the second most ridiculous thing he has done, after the flood. so riddle me that.
this is a link of a video i googled on babel. it illustrates the over-reaction. but remember first the consequences of babel.
i suppose, even if not for babel, mankind might have spread, and become territorially, socially, culturally disassociated. like the birds on darwin's island. so we might have fought anyway. but that's about as likely as saying singaporeans will fight (and i mean fight) people from 福建 in china. well, i guess it's possible.
third. it's been long enough for me at work that, i dunno, i've had to adapt and re-adapt. it's like my friend told me once at soccer, you have to win the ball, and you have to win the ball again. funnily enough, it's quite true, and quite intuitively true at that. anyway i've come up with a list of rules for myself. there's no doubt to me that they're good rules, the question is what balance i'll maintain between doing what i want (which is, of course, important), and sticking to these rules. to be honest, i've become a bit detached at work from the people around me. and that's because it's, i dunno, the nature of the beast, of my beast. as carlin once famously said, people are fucking boring. and let me explain, it's not only that people are themselves boring, it's that dealing with people is also boring. it's true, you know. people are fucking boring.
the rules, at any rate.
stay positiveend. so there. as i said, there's no theme today. go read some achewood.
keep on trucking
sleep before 12
your time will come
beware the 200th hour
Monday, March 25, 2013
CXXXIV - just for once i'd like to see it
this is a passage that is for me, special. i leave you to make of it what you wish.
i had a glorious weekend. it was a childhood weekend, a golden age weekend, and also a here-and-there kind of weekend. i was truly happy. does it matter what i did? no, absolutely not. einmal ist keinmal. i was happy then, and that is all. the future may portend happy weekends for me, or it may not; the present tells me that one happy weekend is over; the past holds nothing more for me. this is sufficient. if i have given my all, and if i have been part of a moment, then i am glad. for to be in this moment, this now, one must, perhaps, with deliberate delicacy, reject nostalgic evocations. it is a special balance, that, between the (gritty, ruddy, forcible) present and the (tender, wistful, illusive) past.
it is true that i have followed my own paths in things of love. it is possible that i may have been with somebody earlier (which is not to imply an existing prospective interest) if i had not been so single-minded. it is possible, of course. but love is, for me, nothing like a game, nothing like something i try my hand at. what it is, i think, more or less, it is a matter of destiny. i say this without carelessness, without carelessness absolutely. you must forgive me for not elaborating; there would be much to say (the same-old loves lost and won), and not much value in the retelling. so i say, i would like to be master of my own destiny. now, by that phrase i do not mean a lot of things, for example, i do not mean that destiny has no power over me. contrari-wise (to borrow a term i have seen in Alice in Wonderland), it means merely that i am certainly going to struggle with it, it means merely that i shall refuse to avoid this difficulty.
but my rejoinder, of course, is the titular phrase of this entry, viz, just for once, i'd like to see it. yet, that would be, i think, not treating my philosophise-applications fairly.
Jorge Luis Borges, Inferno, I, 32
From the half-light of dawn to the half-light of evening, the eyes of a leopard, in the last years of the twelfth century, looked upon a few wooden boards, some vertical iron bars, some varying men and women, a blank wall, and perhaps a stone gutter littered with dry leaves. The leopard did not know, could not know, that it yearned for love and cruelty and the hot pleasure of tearing flesh and a breeze with the scent of deer, but something inside it was suffocating and howling in rebellion, and God spoke to it in a dream: You shall live and die in this prison, so that a man that I have knowledge of may see you a certain number of times and never forget you and put your figure and your symbol into a poem, which has its exact place in the weft of the universe. You suffer captivity, but you shall have given a word to the poem. In the dream, God illuminated the animal's rude understanding and the animal grasped the reasons and accepted its fate, but when it awoke there was only an obscure resignation in it, a powerful ignorance, because the machine of the world is exceedingly complex for the simplicity of a savage beast.
...
i had a glorious weekend. it was a childhood weekend, a golden age weekend, and also a here-and-there kind of weekend. i was truly happy. does it matter what i did? no, absolutely not. einmal ist keinmal. i was happy then, and that is all. the future may portend happy weekends for me, or it may not; the present tells me that one happy weekend is over; the past holds nothing more for me. this is sufficient. if i have given my all, and if i have been part of a moment, then i am glad. for to be in this moment, this now, one must, perhaps, with deliberate delicacy, reject nostalgic evocations. it is a special balance, that, between the (gritty, ruddy, forcible) present and the (tender, wistful, illusive) past.
it is true that i have followed my own paths in things of love. it is possible that i may have been with somebody earlier (which is not to imply an existing prospective interest) if i had not been so single-minded. it is possible, of course. but love is, for me, nothing like a game, nothing like something i try my hand at. what it is, i think, more or less, it is a matter of destiny. i say this without carelessness, without carelessness absolutely. you must forgive me for not elaborating; there would be much to say (the same-old loves lost and won), and not much value in the retelling. so i say, i would like to be master of my own destiny. now, by that phrase i do not mean a lot of things, for example, i do not mean that destiny has no power over me. contrari-wise (to borrow a term i have seen in Alice in Wonderland), it means merely that i am certainly going to struggle with it, it means merely that i shall refuse to avoid this difficulty.
but my rejoinder, of course, is the titular phrase of this entry, viz, just for once, i'd like to see it. yet, that would be, i think, not treating my philosophise-applications fairly.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
CXXXIII - always be reconciled
song of the week: joe bonamassa, driving toward the daylight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTG-bCMG05E
know this, the time for reflecting is not yet ended.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTG-bCMG05E
know this, the time for reflecting is not yet ended.
People commended unto Zarathustra a wise man, as one who could discourse well about sleep and virtue: greatly was he honoured and rewarded for it, and all the youths sat before his chair. To him went Zarathustra, and sat among the youths before his chair. And thus spake the wise man:
Respect and modesty in presence of sleep! That is the first thing! And to go out of the way of all who sleep badly and keep awake at night!Modest is even the thief in presence of sleep: he always stealeth softly through the night. Immodest, however, is the night-watchman; immodestly he carrieth his horn.
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.
Ten times a day must thou overcome thyself: that causeth wholesome weariness, and is poppy to the soul.
Ten times must thou reconcile again with thyself; for overcoming is bitterness, and badly sleep the unreconciled.
Ten truths must thou find during the day; otherwise wilt thou seek truth during the night, and thy soul will have been hungry.
Ten times must thou laugh during the day, and be cheerful; otherwise thy stomach, the father of affliction, will disturb thee in the night.
Few people know it, but one must have all the virtues in order to sleep well.
...
When night cometh, then take I good care not to summon sleep. It disliketh to be summoned—sleep, the lord of the virtues!
But I think of what I have done and thought during the day. Thus ruminating, patient as a cow, I ask myself: What were thy ten overcomings?
And what were the ten reconciliations, and the ten truths, and the ten laughters with which my heart enjoyed itself?
Thus pondering, and cradled by forty thoughts, it overtaketh me all at once—sleep, the unsummoned, the lord of the virtues.
i think, when one looks back, that it is easy, shameful and forgiveable to assume, to manifest, to be sentimental. it is a struggle not to do so, not to lapse, not to plumb the abject depths of self-pity and self-reproach. it is between borges and marquez, between kundera and murakami. one must choose to do well.
so it is with writing, as with writing on this blog. i call on you to understand. many things that i have written of are recurring motifs with me, and i call on you to understand. i do not wish to be vulnerable, and thus i do not wish to revisit.
but, as it must be with you, the time for reflecting is not yet ended. therefore be reconciled to yourself.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
CXXXII - music video
information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, wisdom is not truth, truth is not beauty, beauty is not love, love is not music, and music is the best.
- Frank Zappa
yesterday on the way to work i had a sudden musical impulse. the special thing about it was that it came with a vision. and boy, that gave me the shivers.
you know, i don't like to just listen to my ipod. music for me is almost never just nice sounds playing in the background. i like to hear and feel and breathe it, think it and desire it and work it. music is something that somebody is playing to me, and that makes all the difference in the world. in gentleness or in full-on adrenaline-crazed mania, music is something which someone is and wants to be sharing with me, one human being to another. music is something which goes right to the core of my person.
so when i listen to music, granted, i don't always listen to it with my entire soul, but when i do listen, i tend to give it a lot of attention. i like to trace songs, thinking of which songs i'd like to listen to next. i feel it makes a song about three times better to listen to, to have started the song in your head first. and often the tracing steps to one song are the patterns and lines and, well, melody, of the one playing. like say, one would start with stevie, right. it takes a bit of doing to start with stevie cos stevie, you know, he's intense in a blues rock way, very intricate, yet also very groovy, so i mean, you listen to pride and joy and okay, you know, you get off on it. and you really would. pride and joy. and i'd likely go on to texas flood, which is great.
and here's the thing. the third song in a playlist usually carries great significance (i dunno if anyone agrees). but the third song on an album, to me is special. you're in the mood, you're warmed up to the music, now you want something to hit the spot.
i might go right now to burn. burn is to me one of the greatest rock songs ever. it has everything. everything. the only thing burn might not have is varying time-signatures. but i don't think it needs it. burn has it all. i could get off on burn any day of the week, except as my alarm tone.
if not burn, maybe maiden. damn, let me tell you, maiden is the panacea full-stop. maiden is the be-all and end-all. maiden is the third coming of jebus in the flesh. i can't say enough about maiden. god bless you, bruce dickinson, and you, dave murray, and you, adrian smith, and you, janick, etc etc.
or you know, on another day i might start with the allman brothers. now the allman brothers to me are special. i can't really tell you why. there's a mystical quality to them. maybe it's the same mystical quality which envelopes all songs going back past the 70s. but in the case with the allman brothers, i think that there's some brother-level soul connection here. the allman brothers. i can't put it any other way. it's, ineffable. the allman brothers. with the best god damn blues-country-rock guitarist i know, duane "skydog" allman. let me tell you, the boy had it in him.
just like randy rhoads. now that boy, he had it in him. so now i'd listen to mr crowley, which is obvious. the one on youtube is excellent, and the one i have on mp3 has the drummer doing really annoying double snare things during the solo. boy it annoys me. mr crowley is excellent, the shining exhibit of classical-inspired rock. canon by jerry c is nice, but i don't like it being hyped.
and classical-inspired rock leads of course to, well, one might say yngwie, which i'd planned long ago to give a real shot. yngwie is abit of a love-hater, and i needn't say more i think. but i'd planned to give him a real shot, and i haven't yet, so that's on me. anyway i might go from mr crowley to deep purple, the true hallmark of lead guitar versus rock organ, based off blues and flavoured with thick, tasty and juicy classical ideas. rip john lord. hell, rip stevie. rip duane.
and of course you know, purple has one of the best lefty drummers i know, well, i really only know one, ian paice. purportedly he can do a roll with his one left hand, which i guess mike "the professor" mangini can do with either hand. and if one thinks of mangini, one has to hit up some dream theater. drums, maybe? then it's the train of thought album, of course. honour thy father is money. these walls in octavarium is money, especially those tinkly bits on the high hat and rides. in the video he has this ride tucked away on the right side which i fell in love with. great tinkly sound.
and dream theater leads to sabbath, because now we're in hard mode. and sabbath leads maybe back to dream theater, who wants to prove it's hard too. and that may lead to nowhere, cos that might have been 90 minutes of music right there.
on another day, classical. another day, mumsy and sons. another day, slow rock. oh god i could write a magnus opum on slow rock.
the list is infinite, like the library of babel.
but going back to yesterday. yesterday i looked up at the morning sky while walking to the trains. and in that sky i saw gentle, cascading light and soft cloud, stretching into the farther limits of sight. i saw it like a soft, hazy vision, greys and soft palettes. comfortably numb started itching to be played. and as i started it i saw in my mind, being in a plane, taking off, perhaps in slow motion, and slipping quietly through the greater sky. and it was beautiful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzmiyTiO7bE&t=0m6s (you'll have to mute this)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpzxf_flm8M
and i thought of dl.
RIP, brother.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
CXXXI - just for a while
song of the week, tracy chapman, baby can i hold you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzIE3mRFypQ
i think a song would play when i leave you. today it was (could only be) (baby) can i hold you.
this fruit stall was playing it when i walked past, too.
strong afternoon sunbeams westerly across golden-green leaves outside my window. chirpy noises. a more romantic man would close his eyes and breathe quietly.
yes, i'll keep this moment for a while.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzIE3mRFypQ
i think a song would play when i leave you. today it was (could only be) (baby) can i hold you.
this fruit stall was playing it when i walked past, too.
strong afternoon sunbeams westerly across golden-green leaves outside my window. chirpy noises. a more romantic man would close his eyes and breathe quietly.
yes, i'll keep this moment for a while.
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