I am the grandson of Ho Thiam Hock, and of my ah ma, who once held me.
And this is what I do: I fix broken people.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
XLVII - i just need some time to simmer, to mellow, and to remember
song of the week: king crimson, epitath
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KogHYeA0ns
there is something magical about this song. it's in the keyboards and the drumming and the bass notes and then the guitar. it's all so... wonderfully mystical. and it is perfectly sung.
poems of the week:
aaron fogel, the printer's error
http://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/036.html
(abit long winded but quite an interesting idea.)
alvin yap, 撑伞
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=443796211320
socialising has a marginal utility.
i was thinking about why i find casual conversation quite fun at first, and then about an hour or two after, i find it quite tiresome. and i didn't want to think that people were stupid and mindless most of the time, and because i was being too critical (gosh it keeps coming up), so i told myself to be more accepting and not pay so much attention. which is counter-intuitive because i don't like to be half-hearted, i.e. just nod and stuff, but nevermind that, just try and be nicer to what people say. then i was trying to think of why i found people annoying after awhile besides concluding that it was simply my fault (well, i've already come to acknowledge that), and i realised that the answer could be explained by economics.
and then it made sense to me. the sims is a lie - it's not that your social bar fills up to a maximum after a certain amount of socialising, it's that it becomes harder and harder to fill up. add marginal utility - more is not more. socialising that has a certain value becomes less valuable as an individual has more of it; thus the individual either becomes disinterested in that grade of socialising, or seeks a higher grade.
the usual assumptions apply as they normally would in economic analysis, i.e. limited size of the pie, self interest, rationality, value, perfect competition maybe? and i suppose a few more, which i doubt i'm capable of adequately enumerating. perhaps: that people have a 'social' bar that falls over time; that people realise that there are different values of socialising; that marginal utility applies to socialising, i.e. maybe more does = more; that people properly measure the value of socialising; and that they actually intentionally compare the value of socialising, either with more valuable socialising or with something else they'd rather be doing, or even with somebody else. but all these assumptions don't seem that far-fetched to me.
i don't think people actually do compare this. but i do believe that this is a powerful, if subconscious, factor in how individuals interact. i mean, often i realise i'm quite tired of being in someone's company, and well, guess how i got there.
an interesting extension is that the marginal utility of the society of each specific individual may also fall. therefore the more you listen to one person, the it seems like, yeah i already know what he's going to say, man, when is he ever going to get past this phase/ grow up/ stop talking already, etc. an alternative analysis could be that characterising people according to their tendencies when they socialise (aided in part by properly valuing their society) tends to cast them in a less forgiving light. but hey, tell me this isn't a (subconscious) factor to you.
this might be an explanation why, as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. or more generally, why couples do get enough of each other, why there is a short honeymoon phase, why people overseas want to stay in touch with people back home (because they're lonely, duh), why (personally) i generally like to speak with interesting people. it might explain many other things besides.
therefore, don't blame yourself when you find that people get annoying, blame econonomics. hell, blame the physical world we live in (it's how economics operates). ultimately, then, you can blame life.
understatement.
(i realise that this word is ironic underlined)
there is something hilarious about understatement. british people are a fabulous example. here's one - paul mccartney, sir paul: "When they started out, Oasis boasted that they were going to be bigger than The Beatles. And I felt sorry for them. It's a prediction that just doesn't come true. It's a fatal prediction. I sort of sit back and go, 'Good luck, son. Go right on by.'"
but the magic of understatement is in having a sort of self-effacing attitude. the true magic then is in someone who appreciates the understatement and finds it hilarious. most understatements go unnoticed, but i submit that an intentionally made understatement is always funny.
heifetz.
there is something awesome about jascha heifetz. his attack and his clarity and his speed and his tone. but you hear it, and decide.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jascha_Heifetz#Technique_and_timbre
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFaq9kTlcaY
achewood.
guys, there is simply no better webcomic out there than achewood.
the magic is in the comments. the early comments really appreciate the little things in the strip. regrettably, the more recent commentators are the more show-off kind, pretentious, self-aggrandising, etc. aka, ugly nerdy.
anyway, when was the last time you actually, actually, got out of your chair and rofl-ed about something?
let me tell you: today.
http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua17ffXP
now i know it doesn't make sense at all by itself. but that's the magic. this webcomic lives and dies by the strength of its characters, and let me tell you, those are deep.
and i love cornelius bear. give that bear a pipe.
http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuaftZZMW
(read until 23rd June, 2006)
thanks for listening, folks.
-----
postscript: george carlin, people are fucking boring
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB8wWlPdYRs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KogHYeA0ns
there is something magical about this song. it's in the keyboards and the drumming and the bass notes and then the guitar. it's all so... wonderfully mystical. and it is perfectly sung.
poems of the week:
aaron fogel, the printer's error
http://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/036.html
(abit long winded but quite an interesting idea.)
alvin yap, 撑伞
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=443796211320
socialising has a marginal utility.
i was thinking about why i find casual conversation quite fun at first, and then about an hour or two after, i find it quite tiresome. and i didn't want to think that people were stupid and mindless most of the time, and because i was being too critical (gosh it keeps coming up), so i told myself to be more accepting and not pay so much attention. which is counter-intuitive because i don't like to be half-hearted, i.e. just nod and stuff, but nevermind that, just try and be nicer to what people say. then i was trying to think of why i found people annoying after awhile besides concluding that it was simply my fault (well, i've already come to acknowledge that), and i realised that the answer could be explained by economics.
and then it made sense to me. the sims is a lie - it's not that your social bar fills up to a maximum after a certain amount of socialising, it's that it becomes harder and harder to fill up. add marginal utility - more is not more. socialising that has a certain value becomes less valuable as an individual has more of it; thus the individual either becomes disinterested in that grade of socialising, or seeks a higher grade.
the usual assumptions apply as they normally would in economic analysis, i.e. limited size of the pie, self interest, rationality, value, perfect competition maybe? and i suppose a few more, which i doubt i'm capable of adequately enumerating. perhaps: that people have a 'social' bar that falls over time; that people realise that there are different values of socialising; that marginal utility applies to socialising, i.e. maybe more does = more; that people properly measure the value of socialising; and that they actually intentionally compare the value of socialising, either with more valuable socialising or with something else they'd rather be doing, or even with somebody else. but all these assumptions don't seem that far-fetched to me.
i don't think people actually do compare this. but i do believe that this is a powerful, if subconscious, factor in how individuals interact. i mean, often i realise i'm quite tired of being in someone's company, and well, guess how i got there.
an interesting extension is that the marginal utility of the society of each specific individual may also fall. therefore the more you listen to one person, the it seems like, yeah i already know what he's going to say, man, when is he ever going to get past this phase/ grow up/ stop talking already, etc. an alternative analysis could be that characterising people according to their tendencies when they socialise (aided in part by properly valuing their society) tends to cast them in a less forgiving light. but hey, tell me this isn't a (subconscious) factor to you.
this might be an explanation why, as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. or more generally, why couples do get enough of each other, why there is a short honeymoon phase, why people overseas want to stay in touch with people back home (because they're lonely, duh), why (personally) i generally like to speak with interesting people. it might explain many other things besides.
therefore, don't blame yourself when you find that people get annoying, blame econonomics. hell, blame the physical world we live in (it's how economics operates). ultimately, then, you can blame life.
understatement.
(i realise that this word is ironic underlined)
there is something hilarious about understatement. british people are a fabulous example. here's one - paul mccartney, sir paul: "When they started out, Oasis boasted that they were going to be bigger than The Beatles. And I felt sorry for them. It's a prediction that just doesn't come true. It's a fatal prediction. I sort of sit back and go, 'Good luck, son. Go right on by.'"
but the magic of understatement is in having a sort of self-effacing attitude. the true magic then is in someone who appreciates the understatement and finds it hilarious. most understatements go unnoticed, but i submit that an intentionally made understatement is always funny.
heifetz.
there is something awesome about jascha heifetz. his attack and his clarity and his speed and his tone. but you hear it, and decide.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jascha_Heifetz#Technique_and_timbre
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFaq9kTlcaY
achewood.
guys, there is simply no better webcomic out there than achewood.
the magic is in the comments. the early comments really appreciate the little things in the strip. regrettably, the more recent commentators are the more show-off kind, pretentious, self-aggrandising, etc. aka, ugly nerdy.
anyway, when was the last time you actually, actually, got out of your chair and rofl-ed about something?
let me tell you: today.
http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uua17ffXP
now i know it doesn't make sense at all by itself. but that's the magic. this webcomic lives and dies by the strength of its characters, and let me tell you, those are deep.
and i love cornelius bear. give that bear a pipe.
http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/uuaftZZMW
(read until 23rd June, 2006)
thanks for listening, folks.
-----
postscript: george carlin, people are fucking boring
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB8wWlPdYRs
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
XLVI - not a good time
song of the week: ray charles, you don't know me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-5LwRinkJ0
i think i'll never forget this song. it started with watching groundhog day. and then i listened to it ten times in a row (it's getting to about thirty), thinking about something that really troubled me. and it gave me the solace to think. this song and this grand old voice... set the mood for me to think and think and think.
i realised why i disliked my dad. i thought very carefully about the events of the past few days, and i realised that although i didn't like a lot of things he did and a lot of things he said, i didn't really blame him, partly because i knew he was like that, and partly because if i wasn't annoyed with him i wouldn't hold it against him anyway. and i was feeling guilty for avoiding my dad, who asked me if i needed a lift to school, and if i wanted to have breakfast. and as i thought more i realised he even did his own laundry, and i got annoyed when he asked me where the detergent was. this and other little things, i actually felt annoyed with. so weird.
anyway i acknowledged that i didn't really blame my dad for the things that annoyed me lately. i thought i disliked him and i just needed to have time away from him so i'd stop being annoyed. but that wasn't it either, because i wouldn't dislike him if i weren't annoyed with him.
i thought, he's such a show-off, and so selfish, and so insensitive... yada yada. but all these things i don't really blame him for, or hold against him. then what was troubling me?
and it took me an hour of sitting and thinking to get this. it was that i liked my dad, but i didn't like him when he acted differently around other people. i realised that it was these different characters about him that i really didn't like.
it was often necessary for him in different circumstances, i know. but it's the difference between the part of the person's character i like and the other parts i don't like. it's not so much that i dislike each of the different parts. it's that i don't like there being different parts, expressed in different circumstances. and the problem is that because every one of those different parts is also part of my dad's character, i don't like it.
i don't like liking a part of a person and not liking the rest of him as well. i wish he would act the way he was around me around everybody else.
i suspect all these things when people act differently in different circumstances:
that they're not secure with the way they are
that they manipulate people, or at least their relationships with people, by how they act
that when they're around me they conceal a lot about themselves that they don't want to show me
that if they truly acted the way they entirely are around me i would dislike them
and thus i find it very difficult and fucking annoying. partly because i do like my dad, when he's not full of shit. and thus when he says or does something that triggers me being annoyed, i'll probably attribute it to him acting in another character that i don't like, or showing a part of his character i don't like, it could be either. anyway it makes me annoyed that there is firstly something about that particular thing done that made me annoyed, something that i wouldn't like him to do around me, and secondly that there is something about my dad's character that i don't like.
and the thing is, that's people. everybody is like that. i may be too, although i really don't think so, as in i don't think i act differently around different people. but not everybody would agree with me that they could or should act as they would, as they are, and i can accept that of people. then what is it that annoys me so? i wondered if it was a trust issue, that i didn't really trust people who were like that, who acted differently around different people. and i think it's partly attributable.
and then take the textbook example of a guy who acts differently to a girl. conventionally acceptable, sure. but even that annoys me.
what's wrong with me?
i'm getting tired of people.
i thought i was, maybe a week ago.
and i thought, this is too early, too soon.
but now it seems,
i'm really tired of people
i'm too critical
this is a part of me that is
very difficult to live with
there's only two ways
one is to avoid people and stuff. i think i'm doing this more and more if i didn't change the way i thought of people.
the other is to accept.
just, to accept.
i thought i'd regret not letting my dad know that i didn't accept him. if tomorrow passed and i never got the chance. but my dad knows that i accept him. it's just that i get annoyed with him when i don't.
but i'll try. it's very hard, for some reason that is peculiar to me. to accept. what a laugh. but it is.
so i'll try.
is it hard to accept? how do other people do it? this is, both strange and difficult to me. it's got something to do with... taking things, people, life, seriously. but can't both be done? ah, enough.
-----
postcript:
paraphrasing as well as i can from memory, this story i remember from somewhere.
a man and a child were at a pool of water. the man asked the child if he could see his reflection in the water, and the child said yes. and then the man struck the pool of water, and asked the child again if he could recognise himself. and the child said, "no, that's my reflection, but it isn't". and then the man said, "if there's something you instinctively don't like about someone, it's because you see something of yourself in that person. always remember that."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-5LwRinkJ0
i think i'll never forget this song. it started with watching groundhog day. and then i listened to it ten times in a row (it's getting to about thirty), thinking about something that really troubled me. and it gave me the solace to think. this song and this grand old voice... set the mood for me to think and think and think.
i realised why i disliked my dad. i thought very carefully about the events of the past few days, and i realised that although i didn't like a lot of things he did and a lot of things he said, i didn't really blame him, partly because i knew he was like that, and partly because if i wasn't annoyed with him i wouldn't hold it against him anyway. and i was feeling guilty for avoiding my dad, who asked me if i needed a lift to school, and if i wanted to have breakfast. and as i thought more i realised he even did his own laundry, and i got annoyed when he asked me where the detergent was. this and other little things, i actually felt annoyed with. so weird.
anyway i acknowledged that i didn't really blame my dad for the things that annoyed me lately. i thought i disliked him and i just needed to have time away from him so i'd stop being annoyed. but that wasn't it either, because i wouldn't dislike him if i weren't annoyed with him.
i thought, he's such a show-off, and so selfish, and so insensitive... yada yada. but all these things i don't really blame him for, or hold against him. then what was troubling me?
and it took me an hour of sitting and thinking to get this. it was that i liked my dad, but i didn't like him when he acted differently around other people. i realised that it was these different characters about him that i really didn't like.
it was often necessary for him in different circumstances, i know. but it's the difference between the part of the person's character i like and the other parts i don't like. it's not so much that i dislike each of the different parts. it's that i don't like there being different parts, expressed in different circumstances. and the problem is that because every one of those different parts is also part of my dad's character, i don't like it.
i don't like liking a part of a person and not liking the rest of him as well. i wish he would act the way he was around me around everybody else.
i suspect all these things when people act differently in different circumstances:
that they're not secure with the way they are
that they manipulate people, or at least their relationships with people, by how they act
that when they're around me they conceal a lot about themselves that they don't want to show me
that if they truly acted the way they entirely are around me i would dislike them
and thus i find it very difficult and fucking annoying. partly because i do like my dad, when he's not full of shit. and thus when he says or does something that triggers me being annoyed, i'll probably attribute it to him acting in another character that i don't like, or showing a part of his character i don't like, it could be either. anyway it makes me annoyed that there is firstly something about that particular thing done that made me annoyed, something that i wouldn't like him to do around me, and secondly that there is something about my dad's character that i don't like.
and the thing is, that's people. everybody is like that. i may be too, although i really don't think so, as in i don't think i act differently around different people. but not everybody would agree with me that they could or should act as they would, as they are, and i can accept that of people. then what is it that annoys me so? i wondered if it was a trust issue, that i didn't really trust people who were like that, who acted differently around different people. and i think it's partly attributable.
and then take the textbook example of a guy who acts differently to a girl. conventionally acceptable, sure. but even that annoys me.
what's wrong with me?
i'm getting tired of people.
i thought i was, maybe a week ago.
and i thought, this is too early, too soon.
but now it seems,
i'm really tired of people
i'm too critical
this is a part of me that is
very difficult to live with
there's only two ways
one is to avoid people and stuff. i think i'm doing this more and more if i didn't change the way i thought of people.
the other is to accept.
just, to accept.
i thought i'd regret not letting my dad know that i didn't accept him. if tomorrow passed and i never got the chance. but my dad knows that i accept him. it's just that i get annoyed with him when i don't.
but i'll try. it's very hard, for some reason that is peculiar to me. to accept. what a laugh. but it is.
so i'll try.
is it hard to accept? how do other people do it? this is, both strange and difficult to me. it's got something to do with... taking things, people, life, seriously. but can't both be done? ah, enough.
-----
postcript:
paraphrasing as well as i can from memory, this story i remember from somewhere.
a man and a child were at a pool of water. the man asked the child if he could see his reflection in the water, and the child said yes. and then the man struck the pool of water, and asked the child again if he could recognise himself. and the child said, "no, that's my reflection, but it isn't". and then the man said, "if there's something you instinctively don't like about someone, it's because you see something of yourself in that person. always remember that."
Sunday, October 3, 2010
XLV - ineffability is a laugh (but it's all we've got)
i wish that after people die, assuming they don't choose salvation beforehand, that they get another chance to decide to choose it.
after all, what would be so inequitable about that? what's unfair about someone being dead and looking behind the curtains and seeing the eternal reality and choosing salvation?
after all, life is full of information asymmetry and transaction costs. if these aren't a factor any more after death, why shouldn't a person's decision be recognised and given full effect?
i guess the question can be rephrased as, given that a person can make a fully informed choice after death... why not? the converse of this question is, can our decision before death truly be fully informed? why then should we be judged quite so harshly as when we decide not to choose salvation while we live?
why did God choose such an inefficient way to grant eternal life if he loves us? sure, because he wants freely given love. but how can love be given freely in life when we only can love by faith? and faith is such a terribly difficult thing to explain, to understand, to have. even the bible can only do as well as this: faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. but this is useless to a normal person.
and thus if people get a second chance, the only people who would enter hell are those that do not choose salvation a second time. but is that such a bad thing?
the converse of this proposition is that people sent to heaven cannot thereafter go to hell. but why? will we lose the power of choice after we die? i sure hope not, otherwise eternal life would be meaningless (or otherwise meaningful in a way that i as a human refuse to appreciate). and if we retain the power to choose, we retain the power to sin, which may seem to condemn us, but we know that Jesus' death saves us from even sins in the future. so what would happen if we sin in heaven? nothing, it seems. if angels can be cast out, it's because Jesus never died for them. but note that there can't be sin in heaven. does that mean we forever lose the power to make meaningful choice?
but going back to the question of whether we retain the power of choice after death (i hope we do) and whether this will save us if we are in hell (why not?).
another way of looking at this problem is, can a dead person's sins be transferred to Jesus? can Jesus make holy a dead person who has sin?
isaiah 38:18 - for the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise, those who go down to the pit, cannot hope for your faithfulness.
ecclesiastes 9:5 - for the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing.
and the worst: john 3:18 - whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.
sigh. religion is such a pain. too many difficult questions, contextual contradictions, vague references, theoretical untidiness, and terrific catch-alls.
here's a strange one: there are people yet to be born and yet to choose. but Jesus has already died for a fixed amount of sin.
is this incredible? is this wrong? i mean, what is this?
there have been very few times i've questioned my religion. this no second chance thing is right up there.
i suppose the simplistic way of looking at this is like this: God wants our faith and our love while we're alive, and when we're dead, we can hardly call our belief faith, given that we'll know what the afterlife entails. and though we may potentially love when we're dead, it isn't what God wants.
which begs the question, why does God want this kind of faith and love? but the answer to that is that nobody knows but God. and God simply isn't a weirdo to us, he just isn't.
(bloody hell).
after all, what would be so inequitable about that? what's unfair about someone being dead and looking behind the curtains and seeing the eternal reality and choosing salvation?
after all, life is full of information asymmetry and transaction costs. if these aren't a factor any more after death, why shouldn't a person's decision be recognised and given full effect?
i guess the question can be rephrased as, given that a person can make a fully informed choice after death... why not? the converse of this question is, can our decision before death truly be fully informed? why then should we be judged quite so harshly as when we decide not to choose salvation while we live?
why did God choose such an inefficient way to grant eternal life if he loves us? sure, because he wants freely given love. but how can love be given freely in life when we only can love by faith? and faith is such a terribly difficult thing to explain, to understand, to have. even the bible can only do as well as this: faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. but this is useless to a normal person.
and thus if people get a second chance, the only people who would enter hell are those that do not choose salvation a second time. but is that such a bad thing?
the converse of this proposition is that people sent to heaven cannot thereafter go to hell. but why? will we lose the power of choice after we die? i sure hope not, otherwise eternal life would be meaningless (or otherwise meaningful in a way that i as a human refuse to appreciate). and if we retain the power to choose, we retain the power to sin, which may seem to condemn us, but we know that Jesus' death saves us from even sins in the future. so what would happen if we sin in heaven? nothing, it seems. if angels can be cast out, it's because Jesus never died for them. but note that there can't be sin in heaven. does that mean we forever lose the power to make meaningful choice?
but going back to the question of whether we retain the power of choice after death (i hope we do) and whether this will save us if we are in hell (why not?).
another way of looking at this problem is, can a dead person's sins be transferred to Jesus? can Jesus make holy a dead person who has sin?
isaiah 38:18 - for the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise, those who go down to the pit, cannot hope for your faithfulness.
ecclesiastes 9:5 - for the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing.
and the worst: john 3:18 - whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.
sigh. religion is such a pain. too many difficult questions, contextual contradictions, vague references, theoretical untidiness, and terrific catch-alls.
here's a strange one: there are people yet to be born and yet to choose. but Jesus has already died for a fixed amount of sin.
is this incredible? is this wrong? i mean, what is this?
there have been very few times i've questioned my religion. this no second chance thing is right up there.
i suppose the simplistic way of looking at this is like this: God wants our faith and our love while we're alive, and when we're dead, we can hardly call our belief faith, given that we'll know what the afterlife entails. and though we may potentially love when we're dead, it isn't what God wants.
which begs the question, why does God want this kind of faith and love? but the answer to that is that nobody knows but God. and God simply isn't a weirdo to us, he just isn't.
(bloody hell).
Sunday, September 26, 2010
XLIV - on the little things, and teamwork
i've come to realise something very simple and very powerful about sports
and i suppose it translates, like most things that sports teaches, directly, and well, to life
and it's this:
every player just needs something small to get them started
just a little small successful something
something tiny, something that makes him feel good
a rebound, a little lay-up, a zippy assist, a series of well placed screens, a good catch, a well aimed flick, a corner won, a good strong header, a good tackle, a clean burst, a ball well struck but pulled foul,
any of these little successes, that needn't translate into something on the scoreboard, but are nonetheless appreciated by a coach, by experienced team-mates, or by the more knowledgeable spectators amongst the crowd
it's like when kobe scored 81. he hit one or two layups to start, and poof! off he went. sure, he scored a lot, a lot of jumpers, those weren't gimmies. and he took some really forced shots too. but the dude is so confident, it's really not advisable to let him get started feeling good.
what i'm trying to say is that so much of sports is so difficult. making a jump shot can be so difficult. throwing out a person at three, so difficult. making a pass on the run in rugby. making a throw into space through defenders in frisbee. controlling the goddamn ball in soccer is hard enough, not to mention having to swing in a good hard cross. and come on, golf is really, really difficult.
but you just get started, you just get a little something that makes you feel, hmm, today may be a good day, today may be a good strong day, today may be my day. and your friends start passing to you more, looking more to you, playing complementary to you. and things just suddenly make sense. doing all these difficult things just... makes sense. the mind's eye sees the patterns emerging, sees the spaces form, the bodies running. the body forms up into good technique, working on muscle memory. the timing, the motions are clean, the movement is quick and consistent, the teamwork and understanding develops. suddenly the difficult things become routine. and things feel good, things feel confident. things don't speed up anymore, now you have time to size up the opponent, to sense when he's unbalanced, out of position, overplaying one side, and hesitant. then he makes the adjustments, not you. and win or lose, the game is played the right way, as good as you could have done.
so i guess the moral of the story is this
to play sports, a person needs to have good hard training
but assuming you've reached a certain proficiency and experience
start slow, and pride yourself on the little things that you do well
let the game come to you. but be aggressive when necessary.
never take for granted having to do the difficult things
after all, if it were easy, everyone would do it
but remember that little successes go a long way
remember too that encouraging team-mates goes a long, long way
(even though i find it terribly frustrating that most don't take criticism well)
and it's impossible to do many routine things when stressed out
so always think of ways to contribute to the game, by hustling, by playing smart
don't be afraid to feel the ball a few more times, if only to pass it to someone else
earn your team-mate's trust not by demanding the ball, but by doing the little things that make things easier for them
and how does this translate to life, you say
well, i'll only say this
there are some days you feel confident
some days you feel lucky
and maybe if you really thought about it, it's because of some little breaks here and there that went your way
even a little encouragement, or someone laughing at something funny you said
i don't mean for these words to be a cure-all, cos' what you need is what you provide for yourself
but maybe when you're at a loss
a little bit confused, a little bit bewildered
remember that the little things can get you back on track
rely on your team-mates, be assured by their trust
don't feel sorry for yourself, and don't stress yourself any more
just, do the little easy things, and do them well
and one day when you realise that you've done something awesome
you'll probably think, this is still kinda sinking in, but it felt like yeah, routine
but you won't forget that it all started from those... one or two little things
and you feel humble because it really was your team-mates that made it possible
that's what i think is the true beauty of sports
that once in a while
just maybe
these things i just mentioned
are more important than Ws and Ls
now here's my challenge to you
when you watch sports
can you tell who's going to have a good day?
hint: it's in the little things he or she does well
but here's the real kicker, the real kicker
when you watch people
can you tell who's doing the little things well?
and i suppose it translates, like most things that sports teaches, directly, and well, to life
and it's this:
every player just needs something small to get them started
just a little small successful something
something tiny, something that makes him feel good
a rebound, a little lay-up, a zippy assist, a series of well placed screens, a good catch, a well aimed flick, a corner won, a good strong header, a good tackle, a clean burst, a ball well struck but pulled foul,
any of these little successes, that needn't translate into something on the scoreboard, but are nonetheless appreciated by a coach, by experienced team-mates, or by the more knowledgeable spectators amongst the crowd
it's like when kobe scored 81. he hit one or two layups to start, and poof! off he went. sure, he scored a lot, a lot of jumpers, those weren't gimmies. and he took some really forced shots too. but the dude is so confident, it's really not advisable to let him get started feeling good.
what i'm trying to say is that so much of sports is so difficult. making a jump shot can be so difficult. throwing out a person at three, so difficult. making a pass on the run in rugby. making a throw into space through defenders in frisbee. controlling the goddamn ball in soccer is hard enough, not to mention having to swing in a good hard cross. and come on, golf is really, really difficult.
but you just get started, you just get a little something that makes you feel, hmm, today may be a good day, today may be a good strong day, today may be my day. and your friends start passing to you more, looking more to you, playing complementary to you. and things just suddenly make sense. doing all these difficult things just... makes sense. the mind's eye sees the patterns emerging, sees the spaces form, the bodies running. the body forms up into good technique, working on muscle memory. the timing, the motions are clean, the movement is quick and consistent, the teamwork and understanding develops. suddenly the difficult things become routine. and things feel good, things feel confident. things don't speed up anymore, now you have time to size up the opponent, to sense when he's unbalanced, out of position, overplaying one side, and hesitant. then he makes the adjustments, not you. and win or lose, the game is played the right way, as good as you could have done.
so i guess the moral of the story is this
to play sports, a person needs to have good hard training
but assuming you've reached a certain proficiency and experience
start slow, and pride yourself on the little things that you do well
let the game come to you. but be aggressive when necessary.
never take for granted having to do the difficult things
after all, if it were easy, everyone would do it
but remember that little successes go a long way
remember too that encouraging team-mates goes a long, long way
(even though i find it terribly frustrating that most don't take criticism well)
and it's impossible to do many routine things when stressed out
so always think of ways to contribute to the game, by hustling, by playing smart
don't be afraid to feel the ball a few more times, if only to pass it to someone else
earn your team-mate's trust not by demanding the ball, but by doing the little things that make things easier for them
and how does this translate to life, you say
well, i'll only say this
there are some days you feel confident
some days you feel lucky
and maybe if you really thought about it, it's because of some little breaks here and there that went your way
even a little encouragement, or someone laughing at something funny you said
i don't mean for these words to be a cure-all, cos' what you need is what you provide for yourself
but maybe when you're at a loss
a little bit confused, a little bit bewildered
remember that the little things can get you back on track
rely on your team-mates, be assured by their trust
don't feel sorry for yourself, and don't stress yourself any more
just, do the little easy things, and do them well
and one day when you realise that you've done something awesome
you'll probably think, this is still kinda sinking in, but it felt like yeah, routine
but you won't forget that it all started from those... one or two little things
and you feel humble because it really was your team-mates that made it possible
that's what i think is the true beauty of sports
that once in a while
just maybe
these things i just mentioned
are more important than Ws and Ls
now here's my challenge to you
when you watch sports
can you tell who's going to have a good day?
hint: it's in the little things he or she does well
but here's the real kicker, the real kicker
when you watch people
can you tell who's doing the little things well?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
XLIII - magic
song of the week: dream theater, through my words
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opq72hDWHt4
there is something magical about making daily choices
which makes a person question life
makes him remember what he stands for, on, and by
and learning not to worry about tomorrow - a difficult thing if there ever was one
just like there is something magical about freely given grace
grace, the only true thing
grace which is not more nor less than what we need
just like there is something magical about freely given love
why we love something we can only believe in
why it is more than all of human love
there is some pervasive magic that runs through this bible
magic not in the normal sense, but magic in the God this is cool sense
there is some magic in the way these words are shaped
something with how well He understands... the deepest human ideas
how we understand things at the most profound level
and how the best stories are the simplest
how the best wisdom is the most foolish
how only the littlest children are saved
but there is also something magical in this world
i admit to this freely
i love this world more than i can imagine
i love because i live as hard as i can
and therefore there is something magical about living here and up there at the same time
because we are called to simultaneously do both
therefore there is something deeply magical about life before death
there is much magic to learn and to understand and to remember and to be
i suspect this is one of the two things i must do in this life
the other, i haven't been told yet
in time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opq72hDWHt4
there is something magical about making daily choices
which makes a person question life
makes him remember what he stands for, on, and by
and learning not to worry about tomorrow - a difficult thing if there ever was one
just like there is something magical about freely given grace
grace, the only true thing
grace which is not more nor less than what we need
just like there is something magical about freely given love
why we love something we can only believe in
why it is more than all of human love
there is some pervasive magic that runs through this bible
magic not in the normal sense, but magic in the God this is cool sense
there is some magic in the way these words are shaped
something with how well He understands... the deepest human ideas
how we understand things at the most profound level
and how the best stories are the simplest
how the best wisdom is the most foolish
how only the littlest children are saved
but there is also something magical in this world
i admit to this freely
i love this world more than i can imagine
i love because i live as hard as i can
and therefore there is something magical about living here and up there at the same time
because we are called to simultaneously do both
therefore there is something deeply magical about life before death
there is much magic to learn and to understand and to remember and to be
i suspect this is one of the two things i must do in this life
the other, i haven't been told yet
in time
Sunday, September 5, 2010
XLII - rick barry/ jerry west
i always say that mistakes should be cherished.
but lately i've been wondering why i regret getting angry, as in, getting angry during frisbee.
i know, i know. there are lots of reasons, and very good ones, why i shouldn't get angry, which is why i've always said i'd try my best not to get angry.
and i don't really know the answer. i just don't know why i get angry so much. but thinking about it, it stems a lot from having a godfather mentality, a coach mentality. a lot of my anger and irritation springs from not being, well, respected, obeyed, revered. with immediacy. or when things slip out of my grasp. i always think, no matter how angry i get, i can play angry. but i also know it's really hard on people.
sigh.
i think i need to change this mentality.
i think it's not too late.
the funny thing is i'm such a nice guy when i'm not being 'tough' during a game.
it's this being tough and all that's my excuse for having all that anger...
and people can't tell when i'm really angry and when i'm being tough
that's a real problem...
i'm going to try and... just. i dunno.
so much of sport that inspires me drives me to competitiveness, to toughness.
rick barry - http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1120767/index.htm
jerry west - http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1085774/1/index.htm
it's so hard to catch myself, to not let my tough instincts take over, because i rely so much on them.
but i'm going to try.
God, i need to know how.
Thank you.
but lately i've been wondering why i regret getting angry, as in, getting angry during frisbee.
i know, i know. there are lots of reasons, and very good ones, why i shouldn't get angry, which is why i've always said i'd try my best not to get angry.
and i don't really know the answer. i just don't know why i get angry so much. but thinking about it, it stems a lot from having a godfather mentality, a coach mentality. a lot of my anger and irritation springs from not being, well, respected, obeyed, revered. with immediacy. or when things slip out of my grasp. i always think, no matter how angry i get, i can play angry. but i also know it's really hard on people.
sigh.
i think i need to change this mentality.
i think it's not too late.
the funny thing is i'm such a nice guy when i'm not being 'tough' during a game.
it's this being tough and all that's my excuse for having all that anger...
and people can't tell when i'm really angry and when i'm being tough
that's a real problem...
i'm going to try and... just. i dunno.
so much of sport that inspires me drives me to competitiveness, to toughness.
rick barry - http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1120767/index.htm
jerry west - http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1085774/1/index.htm
it's so hard to catch myself, to not let my tough instincts take over, because i rely so much on them.
but i'm going to try.
God, i need to know how.
Thank you.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
XLI - that's all there is?
song of the week: sarah mclachlan, when she loved me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3qBbLyRixg
i heard this song going home on the radio. it's one of my pet things, driving home at night, coasting and musing. and this song was like a gift, kinda like a transient, beautiful gift, and it was okay when it was gone. just a feeling that appeared and disappeared and was beautiful while it lasted, and it was even more beautiful after it was gone. and i realised that someday i'll think about my mom again, and i'll probably be very very sad. but not till then.
i may forget some of the things that my mom means to me. i may forget how she loves me. i may forget how i love her. i may forget how much hurt she carries. i may forget.
but i won't. i love you, mommy.
blog proper: i really like tax planning. i really like it. it is a diamond in the rough. with stephen phua as the alchemist.
school is school, but a little more quiet these days. it sure makes you think, life really moseys on by. i guess you can say things are a little bittersweet lately. i don't think it's a sad thing. it seems as if time is running out, but that's a delusion if there ever was one. i guess what i feel is, school, that's all there is to it? and it's no bad thing, it's just i remembered it was more fun than this. maybe more hang outs will fix this. but i guess i rely on my independence.
speaking of independence, it's like an invisible shield. i don't feel lonely. part of it is because i'm home, and because i've friends. but more of it is because i really am independent. because i really don't think i need to have people by my side all the time. and that's the cold side of it, undeniably. i think independent people seem less vulnerable on the outside, but it makes them distanced. and i think being vulnerable makes a person endearing. a certain familiarity develops with a person that comes with knowing his strengths and weaknesses. a certain comfort felt in having a friend who is roughly predictable.
it's like i'm on a never-ending quest to know whether there's something i'm not doing right.
and to some extent this seems like a nightmare of self-doubt. but i think this is the kind of question that i believe in asking every single day. it helps sometimes that i have friends who trust in me and think i'm alright. so i think thinking about life like that is useful. it really puts the things i believe in to the test. the true questions are, did i do what i believed was right? then do the results matter? what are my feelings on these results? are these feelings commendable? and how should i act on these feelings?
hmm, enough about that. to be honest all this thinking doesn't come often. but what i believe is that life really goes by when everything's fun and laughs, so when things quiet down a bit of brain noodling is good for the soul. and i guess i'm thankful that i haven't got any emotional crisis to deal with.
i suppose i'm just pensive lately. i'll get over it.
i feel like i once did, i.e. that i have a lot of thoughts that won't crystallise. that's terrible for a lawyer, or for a conversation. i suppose it's cos' i filter a lot of emo thoughts from becoming actual words. and that's not a bad thing, i don't like to complain on my blog. i'd rather be wistful. wistful people need hugs. it's a fact. then they'll push them hugs away if they're man enough.
lately, i was put in a situation twice in one night where i had to explain my faith to someone else. and it made me realise what was so difficult about explaining faith, that it was irrational. after noting it on fb, and having received a few replies, to which i tried not to counter, i came to the conclusion that most christians don't accept that they are irrational with faith. what i believe is that it is not a concession in any way to accept that faith is irrational, because what we hold as truth cannot be proven, which is the obvious fallacy that we buy into and thus must accept, and the logical conclusion is that we are irrational. the flying spaghetti monster is a clear illustration of irrationality and faith. but irrationality does not make faith any less than what it is. faith is precisely what it is because it is irrational. don't talk to me about intelligent design, God's appearance in nature, etc., we'll be shot through with holes. besides, i think accepting what something is not is useful to knowing what it is.
basically, faith is perfectly rational provided God exists.
you see where i'm coming from? this is how the world thinks. take it, move on.
let's discount the case for 50-50, i.e. that faith is not necessarily irrational, or that having faith is not unreasonable. i think that a faith justified on probabilities (well, possibilities) is hardly faith at all.
but enough about that.
at the back of my mind, i still wonder if i'll be a pastor. i think i have the heart for it, which is more than half the battle. but i have promises to keep and miles to go before i (sleep).
lastly, i was thinking about windows, again. and i realise that often windows close quietly, and sometimes you wish you had been there somehow closing that window.
here's where i bring myself to smile wistfully.
i hope to wake up tomorrow and think, life couldn't be better.
no. life couldn't be better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3qBbLyRixg
i heard this song going home on the radio. it's one of my pet things, driving home at night, coasting and musing. and this song was like a gift, kinda like a transient, beautiful gift, and it was okay when it was gone. just a feeling that appeared and disappeared and was beautiful while it lasted, and it was even more beautiful after it was gone. and i realised that someday i'll think about my mom again, and i'll probably be very very sad. but not till then.
i may forget some of the things that my mom means to me. i may forget how she loves me. i may forget how i love her. i may forget how much hurt she carries. i may forget.
but i won't. i love you, mommy.
blog proper: i really like tax planning. i really like it. it is a diamond in the rough. with stephen phua as the alchemist.
school is school, but a little more quiet these days. it sure makes you think, life really moseys on by. i guess you can say things are a little bittersweet lately. i don't think it's a sad thing. it seems as if time is running out, but that's a delusion if there ever was one. i guess what i feel is, school, that's all there is to it? and it's no bad thing, it's just i remembered it was more fun than this. maybe more hang outs will fix this. but i guess i rely on my independence.
speaking of independence, it's like an invisible shield. i don't feel lonely. part of it is because i'm home, and because i've friends. but more of it is because i really am independent. because i really don't think i need to have people by my side all the time. and that's the cold side of it, undeniably. i think independent people seem less vulnerable on the outside, but it makes them distanced. and i think being vulnerable makes a person endearing. a certain familiarity develops with a person that comes with knowing his strengths and weaknesses. a certain comfort felt in having a friend who is roughly predictable.
it's like i'm on a never-ending quest to know whether there's something i'm not doing right.
and to some extent this seems like a nightmare of self-doubt. but i think this is the kind of question that i believe in asking every single day. it helps sometimes that i have friends who trust in me and think i'm alright. so i think thinking about life like that is useful. it really puts the things i believe in to the test. the true questions are, did i do what i believed was right? then do the results matter? what are my feelings on these results? are these feelings commendable? and how should i act on these feelings?
hmm, enough about that. to be honest all this thinking doesn't come often. but what i believe is that life really goes by when everything's fun and laughs, so when things quiet down a bit of brain noodling is good for the soul. and i guess i'm thankful that i haven't got any emotional crisis to deal with.
i suppose i'm just pensive lately. i'll get over it.
i feel like i once did, i.e. that i have a lot of thoughts that won't crystallise. that's terrible for a lawyer, or for a conversation. i suppose it's cos' i filter a lot of emo thoughts from becoming actual words. and that's not a bad thing, i don't like to complain on my blog. i'd rather be wistful. wistful people need hugs. it's a fact. then they'll push them hugs away if they're man enough.
lately, i was put in a situation twice in one night where i had to explain my faith to someone else. and it made me realise what was so difficult about explaining faith, that it was irrational. after noting it on fb, and having received a few replies, to which i tried not to counter, i came to the conclusion that most christians don't accept that they are irrational with faith. what i believe is that it is not a concession in any way to accept that faith is irrational, because what we hold as truth cannot be proven, which is the obvious fallacy that we buy into and thus must accept, and the logical conclusion is that we are irrational. the flying spaghetti monster is a clear illustration of irrationality and faith. but irrationality does not make faith any less than what it is. faith is precisely what it is because it is irrational. don't talk to me about intelligent design, God's appearance in nature, etc., we'll be shot through with holes. besides, i think accepting what something is not is useful to knowing what it is.
basically, faith is perfectly rational provided God exists.
you see where i'm coming from? this is how the world thinks. take it, move on.
let's discount the case for 50-50, i.e. that faith is not necessarily irrational, or that having faith is not unreasonable. i think that a faith justified on probabilities (well, possibilities) is hardly faith at all.
but enough about that.
at the back of my mind, i still wonder if i'll be a pastor. i think i have the heart for it, which is more than half the battle. but i have promises to keep and miles to go before i (sleep).
lastly, i was thinking about windows, again. and i realise that often windows close quietly, and sometimes you wish you had been there somehow closing that window.
here's where i bring myself to smile wistfully.
i hope to wake up tomorrow and think, life couldn't be better.
no. life couldn't be better.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
XL - for the record, i wish to complain
song of the week: 刘德华, 一起走过的日子
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtH2yW-SpsU
i was thinking today of a girl who was once very special to me.
was i wrong? two out of the three persons whose opinion mattered saw that it would be a mistake. And so now, two years on, is it time i realised it?
what about the basic requirements - that she liked me, that she was Christian, and that she was not attached? ah, insufficient. i admit one of these remained unconfirmed, to her admirable credit.
what then of what i felt? if that wasn't love, then what did i know of love? was love only a feeling? then what can i say of love that i do know, God's love, my love for others, etc. and then why allow me (i won't say lead me) to love such and such a girl, and not have it? if i doubt of even love, then everything changes.
and now what feelings i have for her are bittersweet at the best of times. and quite annoying at others. it feels like. lousy nothing.
i'm kinda sick of always not having what i want. sure, i'll admit that i treasure the things i've learnt, that i value my independence, that the peace that i know from this time is one that surpasses. heck i'll even admit that i'm grateful for all the blessings i have, and i won't do so grudgingly. and i think i've learnt enough to be alright when it comes time. so sometimes i think, i deserve a chance. and i hear the answer, that He doesn't want to give me a chance, He wants to give me the one. and i remember promising that i never want more than what He wants for me, whether or not i get what i want.
i've grappled with all the crappy feelings that come from being alone, and i think i've lived with them long enough to say that i've bettered them. and i've given a decent enough account of myself while at it.
so what more? can a man not complain to his God, and expect a clear answer?
i sorta think the answer is that complaints become meaningless when God is present. and that is some answer.
i don't expect a more presently satisfying answer to come tomorrow when i wake up. i don't expect it within the next week, or by next month, or before i'm thirty, i don't expect it to come at all, before the great end. but for the record, i possess the right to complain, and bearing as well as i can and will, i do exercise my right to complain, and therefore further acknowledge that my God hears me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtH2yW-SpsU
i was thinking today of a girl who was once very special to me.
was i wrong? two out of the three persons whose opinion mattered saw that it would be a mistake. And so now, two years on, is it time i realised it?
what about the basic requirements - that she liked me, that she was Christian, and that she was not attached? ah, insufficient. i admit one of these remained unconfirmed, to her admirable credit.
what then of what i felt? if that wasn't love, then what did i know of love? was love only a feeling? then what can i say of love that i do know, God's love, my love for others, etc. and then why allow me (i won't say lead me) to love such and such a girl, and not have it? if i doubt of even love, then everything changes.
and now what feelings i have for her are bittersweet at the best of times. and quite annoying at others. it feels like. lousy nothing.
i'm kinda sick of always not having what i want. sure, i'll admit that i treasure the things i've learnt, that i value my independence, that the peace that i know from this time is one that surpasses. heck i'll even admit that i'm grateful for all the blessings i have, and i won't do so grudgingly. and i think i've learnt enough to be alright when it comes time. so sometimes i think, i deserve a chance. and i hear the answer, that He doesn't want to give me a chance, He wants to give me the one. and i remember promising that i never want more than what He wants for me, whether or not i get what i want.
i've grappled with all the crappy feelings that come from being alone, and i think i've lived with them long enough to say that i've bettered them. and i've given a decent enough account of myself while at it.
so what more? can a man not complain to his God, and expect a clear answer?
i sorta think the answer is that complaints become meaningless when God is present. and that is some answer.
i don't expect a more presently satisfying answer to come tomorrow when i wake up. i don't expect it within the next week, or by next month, or before i'm thirty, i don't expect it to come at all, before the great end. but for the record, i possess the right to complain, and bearing as well as i can and will, i do exercise my right to complain, and therefore further acknowledge that my God hears me.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
XXXIX - South Africa, a Journal
13th June 2010
Haha. Homesick at my age. And on the first day! Ah nvm that.
South Africa, Johannesburg. It reminds me of Australia in a way. But more friendly, and more happening. Well it might as well be, it being the World Cup and all.
I wanna see more savannah. I wanna be alone exploring the wild. I want to gaze endlessly upon the plains and smell the whatever exotic country there is. Lone wolf time is calling me.
I realize some things:
I am weak to cold. Really weak. So much for being a tough guy.
I’m glad I’m not going on exchange, for many many reasons. One, missing the weather and home. Two, missing people. Three, having to be around any persons continuously.
Traveling is not really my thing.
I don’t like being a minority.
I don’t like non-chinese girls.
The world cup ball is too damn fast and light. And England is useless. I friggin’ was telling how England would own USA. They have embarrassed me for the last time.
Goodnight.
14th June 2010
Man is it cold. And I’m going jogging tomorrow. That’s gonna be cold.
Casinos. Nobody wins in em. It’s fascinating watching people lose at roulette.
Woo gonna watch the springboks. That should be awesome. Maybe even more awesome than watching argentina south korea.
I friggin saw. Steve Nash. When I walked out of the lift in the building my dad works in, next to Nelson Mandela Square. Steve friggin Nash. He’s quite tall, actually. Here’s how the conversation went:
(lift doors open, we walk out, I stare at this tallish white man, thinking, no, it can’t be; checking out his eyes: I kinda think Steve Nash has a lazy eye, which is amazing given that he plays point guard at such a high level)
Me: Are you. Steve Nash?
Steve Nash: Yeah.
(he shakes my hand)
Me: You guys were awesome. How’s your eye?
(lift doors close)
friggin awesome.
And Steve Nash looks like such a small guy on tv.
Wow.
20th June 2010
Holding a cup of hot tea in cold hands, has to be the only way civilized man has ever started his day.
We went to this outdoor activities area, I don’t know where, where I got to do some outdoor cycling. 12 klik intermediate course, sure, I’m fit, cycling fit, sure. My god, I nearly died. I was panting for the better part of the course, sweating underneath my layers, arse hurting from the bumping, fear and fatigue with every tread. My goodness. It’s tough, tough. Uphill, rocky, and rough, with sharp bends, and sudden inclines and declines. I may never be able to complete that course, and certainly not all the way on the bike. Madness.
But there were many cute little ferrety things. Meerkats, birds, ducks, etc. Plains, grasslands, slight mountains, clear blue skies, cool wind, sunny sun. It feels pretty damn cool to be rolling down a smooth stretch, shades, denim shirt, jeans. (It feels pretty cool to step out of a hummer in the same way, slamming the truck door shut.) Anyway, all quite excellent, but a little hard to appreciate when struggling for dear life. And I thought I was a half decent biker. God was I wrong.
Had lunch at this really good Italian place. Really good. Kinda cute how the Italian big guy who owns the place (I think) likes to eat Chinese food, and has a Chinese chef, who’s pretty jolly (well, he’s big).
I’m quite annoyed at how Brazil and Ivory Coast play. The theatrics, really bad for the game. Like Jose Mourinho says (paraphrasing), “I don’t encourage diving, but if my players are fouled, I tell them to go down.” I mean seriously, that’s brilliant. But for fuck’s sake, don’t clutch your face when you get tapped in the ribs. Elano, get on with it. Fabiano, you’re a fucking diva. And Dunga, I rarely say this to anyone, but stfu. Bad for the game.
I do admit, I miss home, and I miss proper girls. The funny thing is I probably won’t get one, anyway.
I don’t really know what I miss about them, and I suppose I still miss them. What a noodle-scratcher.
21st June 2010
Nothing much going on today, but managed to get on the internet at dad’s workplace. Was good, was great. Sheesh, I hate to admit it, but the internet feels right. Looking forward to downloading (ahem!) the Lakers Celtics games 5-7 and slowly digesting them. But that’ll have to wait. Anyway, unfortunately, I already realized who won. That’s what happens when you scan the facebook updates.
It was good to chat on msn. That’s all I’ll admit to.
Nothing much else, except that the home cooking has made me a happier, fatter man. All’s well.
I still like spain. God I like them. They play like barca, only with villa and torres instead of messi and ibra, and with the excellent xabi alonso. And jesus navas is the best pure winger I’ve seen in a long long time.
And Portugal may have got seven, but they do not impress me. They haven’t got a system, as far as I can see.
I hope it’s brazil spain in the final. These are the two teams that play that ought to win. Germany was amazing in the first game, and Holland has won two on the trot. Hmm. Who else, eh. Argentina… has an outside shot. Their defence shifts well, like I said, and they have messi. Who is instant pressure, and creates (and often exploits) openings. He has a good cast, too. Hmm, who else. England is next to useless, incredibly. France is out, laughably. Poor evra. And italy needs to win to go on, hoho. But they play well.
Haha. Homesick at my age. And on the first day! Ah nvm that.
South Africa, Johannesburg. It reminds me of Australia in a way. But more friendly, and more happening. Well it might as well be, it being the World Cup and all.
I wanna see more savannah. I wanna be alone exploring the wild. I want to gaze endlessly upon the plains and smell the whatever exotic country there is. Lone wolf time is calling me.
I realize some things:
I am weak to cold. Really weak. So much for being a tough guy.
I’m glad I’m not going on exchange, for many many reasons. One, missing the weather and home. Two, missing people. Three, having to be around any persons continuously.
Traveling is not really my thing.
I don’t like being a minority.
I don’t like non-chinese girls.
The world cup ball is too damn fast and light. And England is useless. I friggin’ was telling how England would own USA. They have embarrassed me for the last time.
Goodnight.
14th June 2010
Man is it cold. And I’m going jogging tomorrow. That’s gonna be cold.
Casinos. Nobody wins in em. It’s fascinating watching people lose at roulette.
Woo gonna watch the springboks. That should be awesome. Maybe even more awesome than watching argentina south korea.
I friggin saw. Steve Nash. When I walked out of the lift in the building my dad works in, next to Nelson Mandela Square. Steve friggin Nash. He’s quite tall, actually. Here’s how the conversation went:
(lift doors open, we walk out, I stare at this tallish white man, thinking, no, it can’t be; checking out his eyes: I kinda think Steve Nash has a lazy eye, which is amazing given that he plays point guard at such a high level)
Me: Are you. Steve Nash?
Steve Nash: Yeah.
(he shakes my hand)
Me: You guys were awesome. How’s your eye?
(lift doors close)
friggin awesome.
And Steve Nash looks like such a small guy on tv.
Wow.
15th June 2010
It doesn’t get colder than this. Oh but it was.
I say this as I sit in my room, swathed as a man can reasonably be without being in arctic clothing. And yet I was colder, this morning.
I woke up at 5, thought I’d head out, run a little, see the sunrise.
I’ve never felt colder in my life. Sure I’ve held the occasional ice block to see how long I could take the cold.
It hurt my eyes till they watered. It hurt my nose and my mouth till I started covering my face with my hands to breathe. It hurt my ears till I had to cover them and run. It hurt my hands till. Well they just hurt. And it made my left toes numb.
I’ve never felt colder waiting for the sun to rise than in that one full hour waiting on that wind swept deck of that parking lot.
It wasn’t that bad; it’s not like life and death, not like it took complete willpower to not run into some heated building. But it was a cold, cold, cold.
I’ve never been happier in a 7-11 drinking a cocoacino and eating a bun. I swear I’ll never be happier in any 7-11.
Hmm. I’m quite warm now.
16th June 2010
There’s nothing colder than a cold house. Then there’s nowhere warmer to go. Except under a blanket, maybe. But there’s nothing colder than a cold house.
It’s colder than a witch’s nipple in hell. Well, that’s what I often think to myself. Hmm.
We went quad-biking today. Amazing fun, marvelous fun. Boy those things are strong. Takes quite some getting used to, it’s like really stubborn. But amazingly tough.
Driving today through the m14 towards hartbeesport was so, so special. Long, straight mountain roads, flanked by plains and grasslands, with hilly terrain in the distance, and bodies of water within sight. I left my heart down in Africa, Men at Work. Where the Streets have No Name, U2. Both came on on the way home. Both couldn’t have been more fittingly chosen.
A dam is a really amazing thing. Water as far as the eye can see on the one side, and low lying flatlands on the other, with trees farms, houses. It’s unimaginable what difference a dam makes to a river, absolutely unimaginable.
I tell you, 6 chinese men at one dinner table can make one hell of a lot of noise.
Spain lost today, but they never stopped playing the right way. I back them to win the next two.
They bring on Jesus Navas to bomb down the right wing, and friggin Switzerland let him go one on one the whole time. I mean, come on, give the left back some help, for crying out loud. Jesus Navas is too good to be allowed to go one on one. He put in 10 crosses, and had around 2 shots.
Speaking of crosses, the strikers’ positioning is kinda poor. Well, most are. Imo, they should have a triangular shape, assuming that they’re not terribly interested in defending should they be attack minded. Anyway, one striker near, one far, that’s normal. Minimum requirement per cross, I’d say. And one in the hole, right behind them. Many many many balls fall behind the first line of the near and far post attacking strikers. But we’ll see.
Xabi Alonso is quite an incredible midfielder, I’ll give him that. And David Villa is quite astoundingly skillful. They have Torres and Villa? God help us.
Good things, good things.
17th June 2010
Soccer City Stadium, Argentina and South Korea, 1:30 pm local time. Starring, Lionel Messi.
Messi is unrivalled. He runs at defences the minute he gets the ball, and puts all sorts of pressure on any defensive formation at any time. He is a football genius, with his irrepressible running and perfectly timed passes out of a collapsing defence. Higuain is a finish applier; Messi is Michael Jordan.
I can probably tell you why South Korea lost. Their formation is too rigid, and their defence doesn’t shift enough to cover the side where the other team attacks quickly enough, or enough at all. A lot of the time, their midfielders are standing open in the middle of the field without purpose. I chalk this down to tactical rigidity. And when they have the ball, they are quickly swamped on the same side by a shifting Argentine midfield, and are often (forcefully) caught trying to slide the ball down the same side; they don’t swing the play to the other side fast enough; I note that the Argentians often send three men on line of the flank they defend. Perhaps they would have been better served exploiting the area that the Argentine midfielders leave behind them when they commit to one flank; often, the supporting South Korean midfielders are left all alone as the ball (and the secondary Argentine markers) shift towards one flank.
And the finishing is piss poor. There was one passage of passing attacking play where the South Korean number 10 had an open shot on goal and he went near post and missed by 1.5 metres. Poor, poor. This when they were merely one down.
And poor France, down 2-0 to Mexico. They should not have taken off Anelka, for Gignac. The latter is a target man, the former a far more flexible playmaker/ scorer. Malouda had to carry too much of the playmaking load in the second half, and everything was forced down the left flank; Malouda, the ugly guy… Ribery, and Evra. Evra sure chose a poor time to be captain. But the first goal was offside. And the penalty, my goodness. Abidal, are you kidding me?
Watching people lose money in a casino is somewhat… fixating. Especially the roulette table. It is a mean old game. There are just so many ways to lose, so many methods that one can take to lose. And let it ride poker. This old man sitting at the table, had two houses in a row. Two houses! He made 3000 rand sorta, on 50 rand bets. And he sat there and kept playing and bled off a thousand before we left. God damn it, man, put the bleeding money in your pocket.
Soccer today was tiring, and too one-sided to matter, even to the undiscerning public, those brutes (I mean this in a good way). I much look forward to Saturday’s rugby: less hype, more ass kicking.
Some random thoughts: when you marry a loud, brash, and enterprising sort of person, I hope you’re not only going along for the ride. Also, a humble man will always have a spot at the dinner table. Further, I still think being hard is okay, but I most probably will never be hard to a woman. Again, I think fans respond to violence between players, hence I will think carefully before I use violence on the field. Lastly, hot tea is by far the most calming thing in the world.
Hope to do some outdoor cycling/ hiking before I go back. And fishing, that sounds fun.
18th June 2010
Nothing much going on today, managed to get some sun and exercise. Germany lost, I never liked them.
Hmm my gloves are all bally.
Man Americans are noisy. Actually, come to think of it, most men are damn noisy. It’s their low voices.
A hummer is a pretty big car. But I’ve seen tanks on the road, man. Wedge shaped metal boxes with wheels, no turret. I kinda miss the merc. You really can’t go wrong with a 7 gear manual shift merc.
I think I’m going to like golf. When my swing’s going, nothing comes easier. We’ll see.
I realize I tend to remember something about a person that I don’t like (the something, not the person) for a very long time. And in that time, I tend not to like that person very much. My point here is that I find it very hard to let go of that. It tends to result in me being very cold to that person. I think basically I need to think of people more generously, and less critically. It doesn’t make me unkind, but it does make me cold. And people don’t really understand that, and I don’t blame them. Well, we’ll see.
Nothing much going on, yup.
19th June 2010
Went to watch the bokkes at Witbank today, against italy. Great rugby. Good looking girls at the crowd, too. Brian Habana is as short as he looks, but he is a really good winger. And victor matfield is damn kickass looking. He’d make a great wrestler. And the crowd always cries, “Beast!” when bakkies botha gets the ball. Steyn is kinda awesome, too.
Kinda shag the whole day. Should be alright, though.
I realize i’ve been staring at girls more lately. And thinking about the girls I used to like, sub-subconsciously. Oh well.
It doesn’t get colder than this. Oh but it was.
I say this as I sit in my room, swathed as a man can reasonably be without being in arctic clothing. And yet I was colder, this morning.
I woke up at 5, thought I’d head out, run a little, see the sunrise.
I’ve never felt colder in my life. Sure I’ve held the occasional ice block to see how long I could take the cold.
It hurt my eyes till they watered. It hurt my nose and my mouth till I started covering my face with my hands to breathe. It hurt my ears till I had to cover them and run. It hurt my hands till. Well they just hurt. And it made my left toes numb.
I’ve never felt colder waiting for the sun to rise than in that one full hour waiting on that wind swept deck of that parking lot.
It wasn’t that bad; it’s not like life and death, not like it took complete willpower to not run into some heated building. But it was a cold, cold, cold.
I’ve never been happier in a 7-11 drinking a cocoacino and eating a bun. I swear I’ll never be happier in any 7-11.
Hmm. I’m quite warm now.
16th June 2010
There’s nothing colder than a cold house. Then there’s nowhere warmer to go. Except under a blanket, maybe. But there’s nothing colder than a cold house.
It’s colder than a witch’s nipple in hell. Well, that’s what I often think to myself. Hmm.
We went quad-biking today. Amazing fun, marvelous fun. Boy those things are strong. Takes quite some getting used to, it’s like really stubborn. But amazingly tough.
Driving today through the m14 towards hartbeesport was so, so special. Long, straight mountain roads, flanked by plains and grasslands, with hilly terrain in the distance, and bodies of water within sight. I left my heart down in Africa, Men at Work. Where the Streets have No Name, U2. Both came on on the way home. Both couldn’t have been more fittingly chosen.
A dam is a really amazing thing. Water as far as the eye can see on the one side, and low lying flatlands on the other, with trees farms, houses. It’s unimaginable what difference a dam makes to a river, absolutely unimaginable.
I tell you, 6 chinese men at one dinner table can make one hell of a lot of noise.
Spain lost today, but they never stopped playing the right way. I back them to win the next two.
They bring on Jesus Navas to bomb down the right wing, and friggin Switzerland let him go one on one the whole time. I mean, come on, give the left back some help, for crying out loud. Jesus Navas is too good to be allowed to go one on one. He put in 10 crosses, and had around 2 shots.
Speaking of crosses, the strikers’ positioning is kinda poor. Well, most are. Imo, they should have a triangular shape, assuming that they’re not terribly interested in defending should they be attack minded. Anyway, one striker near, one far, that’s normal. Minimum requirement per cross, I’d say. And one in the hole, right behind them. Many many many balls fall behind the first line of the near and far post attacking strikers. But we’ll see.
Xabi Alonso is quite an incredible midfielder, I’ll give him that. And David Villa is quite astoundingly skillful. They have Torres and Villa? God help us.
Good things, good things.
17th June 2010
Soccer City Stadium, Argentina and South Korea, 1:30 pm local time. Starring, Lionel Messi.
Messi is unrivalled. He runs at defences the minute he gets the ball, and puts all sorts of pressure on any defensive formation at any time. He is a football genius, with his irrepressible running and perfectly timed passes out of a collapsing defence. Higuain is a finish applier; Messi is Michael Jordan.
I can probably tell you why South Korea lost. Their formation is too rigid, and their defence doesn’t shift enough to cover the side where the other team attacks quickly enough, or enough at all. A lot of the time, their midfielders are standing open in the middle of the field without purpose. I chalk this down to tactical rigidity. And when they have the ball, they are quickly swamped on the same side by a shifting Argentine midfield, and are often (forcefully) caught trying to slide the ball down the same side; they don’t swing the play to the other side fast enough; I note that the Argentians often send three men on line of the flank they defend. Perhaps they would have been better served exploiting the area that the Argentine midfielders leave behind them when they commit to one flank; often, the supporting South Korean midfielders are left all alone as the ball (and the secondary Argentine markers) shift towards one flank.
And the finishing is piss poor. There was one passage of passing attacking play where the South Korean number 10 had an open shot on goal and he went near post and missed by 1.5 metres. Poor, poor. This when they were merely one down.
And poor France, down 2-0 to Mexico. They should not have taken off Anelka, for Gignac. The latter is a target man, the former a far more flexible playmaker/ scorer. Malouda had to carry too much of the playmaking load in the second half, and everything was forced down the left flank; Malouda, the ugly guy… Ribery, and Evra. Evra sure chose a poor time to be captain. But the first goal was offside. And the penalty, my goodness. Abidal, are you kidding me?
Watching people lose money in a casino is somewhat… fixating. Especially the roulette table. It is a mean old game. There are just so many ways to lose, so many methods that one can take to lose. And let it ride poker. This old man sitting at the table, had two houses in a row. Two houses! He made 3000 rand sorta, on 50 rand bets. And he sat there and kept playing and bled off a thousand before we left. God damn it, man, put the bleeding money in your pocket.
Soccer today was tiring, and too one-sided to matter, even to the undiscerning public, those brutes (I mean this in a good way). I much look forward to Saturday’s rugby: less hype, more ass kicking.
Some random thoughts: when you marry a loud, brash, and enterprising sort of person, I hope you’re not only going along for the ride. Also, a humble man will always have a spot at the dinner table. Further, I still think being hard is okay, but I most probably will never be hard to a woman. Again, I think fans respond to violence between players, hence I will think carefully before I use violence on the field. Lastly, hot tea is by far the most calming thing in the world.
Hope to do some outdoor cycling/ hiking before I go back. And fishing, that sounds fun.
18th June 2010
Nothing much going on today, managed to get some sun and exercise. Germany lost, I never liked them.
Hmm my gloves are all bally.
Man Americans are noisy. Actually, come to think of it, most men are damn noisy. It’s their low voices.
A hummer is a pretty big car. But I’ve seen tanks on the road, man. Wedge shaped metal boxes with wheels, no turret. I kinda miss the merc. You really can’t go wrong with a 7 gear manual shift merc.
I think I’m going to like golf. When my swing’s going, nothing comes easier. We’ll see.
I realize I tend to remember something about a person that I don’t like (the something, not the person) for a very long time. And in that time, I tend not to like that person very much. My point here is that I find it very hard to let go of that. It tends to result in me being very cold to that person. I think basically I need to think of people more generously, and less critically. It doesn’t make me unkind, but it does make me cold. And people don’t really understand that, and I don’t blame them. Well, we’ll see.
Nothing much going on, yup.
19th June 2010
Went to watch the bokkes at Witbank today, against italy. Great rugby. Good looking girls at the crowd, too. Brian Habana is as short as he looks, but he is a really good winger. And victor matfield is damn kickass looking. He’d make a great wrestler. And the crowd always cries, “Beast!” when bakkies botha gets the ball. Steyn is kinda awesome, too.
Kinda shag the whole day. Should be alright, though.
I realize i’ve been staring at girls more lately. And thinking about the girls I used to like, sub-subconsciously. Oh well.
20th June 2010
Holding a cup of hot tea in cold hands, has to be the only way civilized man has ever started his day.
We went to this outdoor activities area, I don’t know where, where I got to do some outdoor cycling. 12 klik intermediate course, sure, I’m fit, cycling fit, sure. My god, I nearly died. I was panting for the better part of the course, sweating underneath my layers, arse hurting from the bumping, fear and fatigue with every tread. My goodness. It’s tough, tough. Uphill, rocky, and rough, with sharp bends, and sudden inclines and declines. I may never be able to complete that course, and certainly not all the way on the bike. Madness.
But there were many cute little ferrety things. Meerkats, birds, ducks, etc. Plains, grasslands, slight mountains, clear blue skies, cool wind, sunny sun. It feels pretty damn cool to be rolling down a smooth stretch, shades, denim shirt, jeans. (It feels pretty cool to step out of a hummer in the same way, slamming the truck door shut.) Anyway, all quite excellent, but a little hard to appreciate when struggling for dear life. And I thought I was a half decent biker. God was I wrong.
Had lunch at this really good Italian place. Really good. Kinda cute how the Italian big guy who owns the place (I think) likes to eat Chinese food, and has a Chinese chef, who’s pretty jolly (well, he’s big).
I’m quite annoyed at how Brazil and Ivory Coast play. The theatrics, really bad for the game. Like Jose Mourinho says (paraphrasing), “I don’t encourage diving, but if my players are fouled, I tell them to go down.” I mean seriously, that’s brilliant. But for fuck’s sake, don’t clutch your face when you get tapped in the ribs. Elano, get on with it. Fabiano, you’re a fucking diva. And Dunga, I rarely say this to anyone, but stfu. Bad for the game.
I do admit, I miss home, and I miss proper girls. The funny thing is I probably won’t get one, anyway.
I don’t really know what I miss about them, and I suppose I still miss them. What a noodle-scratcher.
21st June 2010
Nothing much going on today, but managed to get on the internet at dad’s workplace. Was good, was great. Sheesh, I hate to admit it, but the internet feels right. Looking forward to downloading (ahem!) the Lakers Celtics games 5-7 and slowly digesting them. But that’ll have to wait. Anyway, unfortunately, I already realized who won. That’s what happens when you scan the facebook updates.
It was good to chat on msn. That’s all I’ll admit to.
Nothing much else, except that the home cooking has made me a happier, fatter man. All’s well.
I still like spain. God I like them. They play like barca, only with villa and torres instead of messi and ibra, and with the excellent xabi alonso. And jesus navas is the best pure winger I’ve seen in a long long time.
And Portugal may have got seven, but they do not impress me. They haven’t got a system, as far as I can see.
I hope it’s brazil spain in the final. These are the two teams that play that ought to win. Germany was amazing in the first game, and Holland has won two on the trot. Hmm. Who else, eh. Argentina… has an outside shot. Their defence shifts well, like I said, and they have messi. Who is instant pressure, and creates (and often exploits) openings. He has a good cast, too. Hmm, who else. England is next to useless, incredibly. France is out, laughably. Poor evra. And italy needs to win to go on, hoho. But they play well.
22 June 2010
Went in the early cold morning to a industrial area, a factory which processes raw sand-making materials. The Chinese company my dad is the logistics manager for wanted to buy feldspar, and although it was much cheaper in China, it was cheaper overall to buy it here. The meeting etc. reminded me a whole lot of LCS, and I realized for the first time what a lawyer more or less has to do. It seemed to me quite un-legal, negotiating, nothing to do with legal principles, or theory, etc. But it’s practical, and it’s the stuff we do. No complaints there.
Found out by some luck today we have to register our modules tomorrow. Anyway, how exciting, etc. The planning has taken awhile, so hope it turns out well. Good luck, all. I remember something about the 7 P’s – no proper planning makes for piss poor performance. Ha, looks like I got 5 of them.
I cannot believe for the life of me that France has 1 point from 3 games. Shameful.
South Korea is damn lucky to get to the next round. Yakubu had an absolutely shocking miss. The kind of goal that really, gosh. That was an absolute sitter.
And argentina has 3 wins in 3. Ha, maradona naysayers. They actually have a pretty good system, but like I mentioned, any team that can swing niftily around the argentian overload will do well against them. It’s very obvious when there’s an overload (by which I mean how the defence overcompensates to one side) in basketball, or in rugby. Speaking of rugby, it’s very obvious how to use an extra man in rugby, but very difficult to execute the same idea in soccer. There’s an interesting thing to consider.
Been eating a whole lot, a whole lot. I suspect the cold is keeping me respectably svelte: the body burns more energy keeping warm.
There’s going to be some goodbyes to be said coming up. Some I don’t care for, and some I might, if I thought of them, and some I will, and some I do.
So much for acting cool.
Wtf a hippo can bite a crocodile in half! Mercy.
23rd June 2010
Among other things, I can speak Chinese at a decent enough level to converse. That is not bad.
Woolworth’s is a nice place. I’m sure girls would love it, love it to bits. It’s like Marks & Spencer’s Marks & Spencer.
I realize how much I wish I could coach people; from a more passive perspective, I realize how much I think like a coach. Like the difference between playing a sport as a player, out to have fun and to do well individually, and playing a sport as a guiding sort of player/ coach, out to make sure there’s teamwork, that every man sticks to his task, every man plays to his strength, etc. Of this sort of coaching mindset, I tend to mentally hold people to standards, well, which I think they fairly ought to reach, or at least try for, and to hold people to principles I would like to see upheld. This often makes me somber, quiet, reserved, etc., because I would like to speak my mind about things I see happening that I personally don’t like, but really end up not doing so, giving people free rein, so to speak. And basically I just tend to be upset for awhile at how people are and what people do, but I keep it inside, and I think, well, people do what people do, and people gotta live. So that’s been what I’ve been like around people for awhile now. When I’m quiet I’m actually quite upset. But nevermind me, I suppose people grow in their own time.
Anyway I was thinking about even a relationship, with a girl. And I would eventually want that person to be independent enough to live without me. I suppose my greatest gift of love would be for that person to grow as much as she could into the person she wanted to be, could be, with my help, and to really be able to live, fully, without me. Maybe this seems to be more applicable to my children than to my wife, but I really think I’d like to tell this to my wife someday, and hope she realizes I mean it.
What is about people that make them blind to their flaws? Or too proud to admit them? It’s tough to ignore family. And it’s the little things that make quarrels. I’m glad I missed years and years of family nonsense; I suppose I’ll have to deal with it someday. May I be a big enough man to admit when I am wrong – yes, I’ll grant you I’m a tough man, but come on, I’m fair, I’ll even claim, I’m soft. And pride, yes I’m proud, but please I’ll admit when I’m proud.
There’s some unfortunate teams going out tonight. Ireland, you’re not alone. But that’s soccer – injustice sacrificed on the altar of continuancy. But come on, what the hell use is continuancy. Like Arsene Wenger says, sure, play without video refereeing. But when the ref needs it, it must be available to him. Basically, he can’t be the only person in the stadium who doesn’t know the truth.
There’s much to be said about inter-sport technical, doctrinal, tactical, and practical transplants, exchange of ideas. Anything from spacing to switching play to overlaps to defensive shifts. Even basic techniques and stances. There is much to be said. Relevant fact: Schmeichel was once a handball goalie.
Apparently, going to Drakensburg tomorrow. That’s South Africa’s famous national park. Gosh, I’d thought I’d had enough of the great outdoors, and here we go knocking on the door of Untamed Afrika. Hope it’s not cold, goodness.
Looking forward to going back, but not to anything in particular. How quaint.
24th June 2010
Wow.
Drove over an hour and a half though sleepy hollow fog. Visibility ranged to 100m at times, and across the road we came across a few cross country trailers strewn across the road, loads all over the place. And I got a lousy speeding camera flash. The camera was between the 100 and the 80 km/h signs, it was bleeding foggy, and I was going 95. COME ON, give a guy a break.
Anyway we went to see some little chalets, and we went at first to a really nice place, which I thought I’d want to stay at, and anyway ended up at another place, called Little Switzerland. Really nice place. We had lunch at a little café, which was really quite good, and went hiking.
The first hike we went on was to this little hill called cone hill. It is quite simply, the most beautiful place I have ever been to in my life. Brown, brown country, blue, blue sky. I sat on a rock at the top of the hill and gazed upon the great earth, and all was well. I kept a little stone to remind me of the place. This Is Afrika.
I suppose one day, if it ever comes, I shall propose to my wife there. I’ve got it all figured out, it’ll be a surprise, obviously. I’ll get her to pack an evening dress, and I’ll bring my suit, and a video cam with a tripod. We’ll go the top and change and well, whatever I suppose will happen will happen, just no hanky panky.
After that we went to rainbow falls, no big deal. Kinda high, kinda dry, could see the cone all the way up. And then the driving range, a beautiful place, hitting over a valley onto a marked slope. After the sun set (we were hitting into the sun) it was much easier to track the flight of the balls. And it turns out my driver is pretty good. Like 1/3 good, coming around to 2/3 good around the end. And my iron is still around say 2/5 good. So, long ways to go, but progress all round. I think I’ll like this game. I’ve got decent distance, but golf shouldn’t be about distance, I think.
It’s too bad I have to write this from memory. Yesterday was a really good day. But oh well, memories come back in time.
Italy lost 3-2 to Slovakia yesterday. That was amazing. The most telling was Cannavaro’s misplaying of a throw-in close to the end. A long throw into space, a superb through run by some player, a deft, deft flick with the laces over the keeper, put a fork in them (they’re done). Beautiful. Defence, defence: never ever turn off. And who says men don’t cry.
There were some stars out that night. And it was cold. We went to the bar and had drinks and played pool and watched some soccer. Good times.
25th June 2010
I’m packing up, and when you’re packing up, you know it’s about time to go. It seems like just the other day I was walking out of the airport, rolling down the highway towards Sandton. Bright, lazy, sunny day, good highway, flattish lands. Wondering what the hell the country was like. It’s not like I have a much better idea now, but it’s something, it’s somewhat of a feeling. Like Vietnam. I prefer South Africa, maybe because of the language, maybe because I’ve had closer people. Not to compare, no. Vietnam was beautiful too, rugged and cold and poor and quite Asian. South Africa is mountain rugged, dry and brown and rough and beautiful.
And in Vietnam I lived out of my backpack, for barely a night at a time. Everything was packed, ready to go. It was cold, but this is friggin’ frigid, this is a fridge, meat wouldn’t spoil for a week out here.
I’ve learnt many things about living in this country, many things I won’t write down, but will probably tuck away somewhere to be of future use. Things related to the country, to the weather, to exercise, to the terrain, to the wonderful outdoors, to the little things, to people, to family, to the driving, to the travel, to Chinese people, to black people, and to random people. Never mind it all, it’ll come back someday when I need it.
Ah, South Africa. But it’s not home for me. And my dreams remain where they are.
Woke up early today, threw most of my croissant to little tweety birds today, amazed how they stand the cold. Realized where the adjective ‘flighty’ comes from.
Went to the royal national park at Drakensberg today, took abit of a hike up some forested area, nothing much. May be more when it’s spring, in winter, it’s just brown and dry. Then went to this urh outdoor activities area, nothing much. Then lunch at steer’s, kinda like a mac’s mac’s. then a drive home, a boring brazil-portugal game, and now a spain-chile game. Spain is great for football, brazil-portugal terrible. Catched some bbc entertainment allo’ allo’, it’s quite a laugh.
Think I’ll sleep a bit later, try and get a bit sleepy for the plane. Pack up, plan the short next Saturday morning, and that should be that.
Wonder what I’ll miss about this place. That’ll come, in time.
26th June 2010
Trip ends are always so normal. Well not really, that one in hk, that was wild. But sometimes life is just normal. And that is good and well.
Woke up, finalized, left. Had breakfast at a Chinese place in a Chinatown sort of area, just a street or two of Chinese shops – restaurants, eateries, minimarts, butcheries, hairdressers, ktv, the like, all quite Chinese. Had soya bean milk, beef noodles, prata with egg, the non-indian kind, haha duh. Well it was a good breakfast. And then, airport, miscellaneous, flight home, etc. Watched some really cool movies, the first something called 72 tenants, a hk comedy, the second, Hard Boiled (la4 shou3 shen2 tan2), starring Chow Yun Fatt going nuts over all sorts of baddies, the third, bodyguards and assassins, which had an annoying break so I missed Donny Yen getting beat up, and the fourth, Edward Scissorhands, which was interrupted by arrival just where Depp was caught during the robbery. I think I shall watch the latter again (ahem!).
And so it ends. I have quite a bit of packing up to do, washing, etc. Just realized how dirty the house is, might do something about it. Might get a little sleepy, might do other things. When the com’s on, things keep moving.
GD slow transfer. Phones are so troublesome, and the photos aren’t great. Man I hope I get a nice camera soon.
Good to be back, nice to be back. Feels like home.
Gosh it’s gonna start raining soon. Wait, scratch that, it is raining.
Went in the early cold morning to a industrial area, a factory which processes raw sand-making materials. The Chinese company my dad is the logistics manager for wanted to buy feldspar, and although it was much cheaper in China, it was cheaper overall to buy it here. The meeting etc. reminded me a whole lot of LCS, and I realized for the first time what a lawyer more or less has to do. It seemed to me quite un-legal, negotiating, nothing to do with legal principles, or theory, etc. But it’s practical, and it’s the stuff we do. No complaints there.
Found out by some luck today we have to register our modules tomorrow. Anyway, how exciting, etc. The planning has taken awhile, so hope it turns out well. Good luck, all. I remember something about the 7 P’s – no proper planning makes for piss poor performance. Ha, looks like I got 5 of them.
I cannot believe for the life of me that France has 1 point from 3 games. Shameful.
South Korea is damn lucky to get to the next round. Yakubu had an absolutely shocking miss. The kind of goal that really, gosh. That was an absolute sitter.
And argentina has 3 wins in 3. Ha, maradona naysayers. They actually have a pretty good system, but like I mentioned, any team that can swing niftily around the argentian overload will do well against them. It’s very obvious when there’s an overload (by which I mean how the defence overcompensates to one side) in basketball, or in rugby. Speaking of rugby, it’s very obvious how to use an extra man in rugby, but very difficult to execute the same idea in soccer. There’s an interesting thing to consider.
Been eating a whole lot, a whole lot. I suspect the cold is keeping me respectably svelte: the body burns more energy keeping warm.
There’s going to be some goodbyes to be said coming up. Some I don’t care for, and some I might, if I thought of them, and some I will, and some I do.
So much for acting cool.
Wtf a hippo can bite a crocodile in half! Mercy.
23rd June 2010
Among other things, I can speak Chinese at a decent enough level to converse. That is not bad.
Woolworth’s is a nice place. I’m sure girls would love it, love it to bits. It’s like Marks & Spencer’s Marks & Spencer.
I realize how much I wish I could coach people; from a more passive perspective, I realize how much I think like a coach. Like the difference between playing a sport as a player, out to have fun and to do well individually, and playing a sport as a guiding sort of player/ coach, out to make sure there’s teamwork, that every man sticks to his task, every man plays to his strength, etc. Of this sort of coaching mindset, I tend to mentally hold people to standards, well, which I think they fairly ought to reach, or at least try for, and to hold people to principles I would like to see upheld. This often makes me somber, quiet, reserved, etc., because I would like to speak my mind about things I see happening that I personally don’t like, but really end up not doing so, giving people free rein, so to speak. And basically I just tend to be upset for awhile at how people are and what people do, but I keep it inside, and I think, well, people do what people do, and people gotta live. So that’s been what I’ve been like around people for awhile now. When I’m quiet I’m actually quite upset. But nevermind me, I suppose people grow in their own time.
Anyway I was thinking about even a relationship, with a girl. And I would eventually want that person to be independent enough to live without me. I suppose my greatest gift of love would be for that person to grow as much as she could into the person she wanted to be, could be, with my help, and to really be able to live, fully, without me. Maybe this seems to be more applicable to my children than to my wife, but I really think I’d like to tell this to my wife someday, and hope she realizes I mean it.
What is about people that make them blind to their flaws? Or too proud to admit them? It’s tough to ignore family. And it’s the little things that make quarrels. I’m glad I missed years and years of family nonsense; I suppose I’ll have to deal with it someday. May I be a big enough man to admit when I am wrong – yes, I’ll grant you I’m a tough man, but come on, I’m fair, I’ll even claim, I’m soft. And pride, yes I’m proud, but please I’ll admit when I’m proud.
There’s some unfortunate teams going out tonight. Ireland, you’re not alone. But that’s soccer – injustice sacrificed on the altar of continuancy. But come on, what the hell use is continuancy. Like Arsene Wenger says, sure, play without video refereeing. But when the ref needs it, it must be available to him. Basically, he can’t be the only person in the stadium who doesn’t know the truth.
There’s much to be said about inter-sport technical, doctrinal, tactical, and practical transplants, exchange of ideas. Anything from spacing to switching play to overlaps to defensive shifts. Even basic techniques and stances. There is much to be said. Relevant fact: Schmeichel was once a handball goalie.
Apparently, going to Drakensburg tomorrow. That’s South Africa’s famous national park. Gosh, I’d thought I’d had enough of the great outdoors, and here we go knocking on the door of Untamed Afrika. Hope it’s not cold, goodness.
Looking forward to going back, but not to anything in particular. How quaint.
24th June 2010
Wow.
Drove over an hour and a half though sleepy hollow fog. Visibility ranged to 100m at times, and across the road we came across a few cross country trailers strewn across the road, loads all over the place. And I got a lousy speeding camera flash. The camera was between the 100 and the 80 km/h signs, it was bleeding foggy, and I was going 95. COME ON, give a guy a break.
Anyway we went to see some little chalets, and we went at first to a really nice place, which I thought I’d want to stay at, and anyway ended up at another place, called Little Switzerland. Really nice place. We had lunch at a little café, which was really quite good, and went hiking.
The first hike we went on was to this little hill called cone hill. It is quite simply, the most beautiful place I have ever been to in my life. Brown, brown country, blue, blue sky. I sat on a rock at the top of the hill and gazed upon the great earth, and all was well. I kept a little stone to remind me of the place. This Is Afrika.
I suppose one day, if it ever comes, I shall propose to my wife there. I’ve got it all figured out, it’ll be a surprise, obviously. I’ll get her to pack an evening dress, and I’ll bring my suit, and a video cam with a tripod. We’ll go the top and change and well, whatever I suppose will happen will happen, just no hanky panky.
After that we went to rainbow falls, no big deal. Kinda high, kinda dry, could see the cone all the way up. And then the driving range, a beautiful place, hitting over a valley onto a marked slope. After the sun set (we were hitting into the sun) it was much easier to track the flight of the balls. And it turns out my driver is pretty good. Like 1/3 good, coming around to 2/3 good around the end. And my iron is still around say 2/5 good. So, long ways to go, but progress all round. I think I’ll like this game. I’ve got decent distance, but golf shouldn’t be about distance, I think.
It’s too bad I have to write this from memory. Yesterday was a really good day. But oh well, memories come back in time.
Italy lost 3-2 to Slovakia yesterday. That was amazing. The most telling was Cannavaro’s misplaying of a throw-in close to the end. A long throw into space, a superb through run by some player, a deft, deft flick with the laces over the keeper, put a fork in them (they’re done). Beautiful. Defence, defence: never ever turn off. And who says men don’t cry.
There were some stars out that night. And it was cold. We went to the bar and had drinks and played pool and watched some soccer. Good times.
25th June 2010
I’m packing up, and when you’re packing up, you know it’s about time to go. It seems like just the other day I was walking out of the airport, rolling down the highway towards Sandton. Bright, lazy, sunny day, good highway, flattish lands. Wondering what the hell the country was like. It’s not like I have a much better idea now, but it’s something, it’s somewhat of a feeling. Like Vietnam. I prefer South Africa, maybe because of the language, maybe because I’ve had closer people. Not to compare, no. Vietnam was beautiful too, rugged and cold and poor and quite Asian. South Africa is mountain rugged, dry and brown and rough and beautiful.
And in Vietnam I lived out of my backpack, for barely a night at a time. Everything was packed, ready to go. It was cold, but this is friggin’ frigid, this is a fridge, meat wouldn’t spoil for a week out here.
I’ve learnt many things about living in this country, many things I won’t write down, but will probably tuck away somewhere to be of future use. Things related to the country, to the weather, to exercise, to the terrain, to the wonderful outdoors, to the little things, to people, to family, to the driving, to the travel, to Chinese people, to black people, and to random people. Never mind it all, it’ll come back someday when I need it.
Ah, South Africa. But it’s not home for me. And my dreams remain where they are.
Woke up early today, threw most of my croissant to little tweety birds today, amazed how they stand the cold. Realized where the adjective ‘flighty’ comes from.
Went to the royal national park at Drakensberg today, took abit of a hike up some forested area, nothing much. May be more when it’s spring, in winter, it’s just brown and dry. Then went to this urh outdoor activities area, nothing much. Then lunch at steer’s, kinda like a mac’s mac’s. then a drive home, a boring brazil-portugal game, and now a spain-chile game. Spain is great for football, brazil-portugal terrible. Catched some bbc entertainment allo’ allo’, it’s quite a laugh.
Think I’ll sleep a bit later, try and get a bit sleepy for the plane. Pack up, plan the short next Saturday morning, and that should be that.
Wonder what I’ll miss about this place. That’ll come, in time.
26th June 2010
Trip ends are always so normal. Well not really, that one in hk, that was wild. But sometimes life is just normal. And that is good and well.
Woke up, finalized, left. Had breakfast at a Chinese place in a Chinatown sort of area, just a street or two of Chinese shops – restaurants, eateries, minimarts, butcheries, hairdressers, ktv, the like, all quite Chinese. Had soya bean milk, beef noodles, prata with egg, the non-indian kind, haha duh. Well it was a good breakfast. And then, airport, miscellaneous, flight home, etc. Watched some really cool movies, the first something called 72 tenants, a hk comedy, the second, Hard Boiled (la4 shou3 shen2 tan2), starring Chow Yun Fatt going nuts over all sorts of baddies, the third, bodyguards and assassins, which had an annoying break so I missed Donny Yen getting beat up, and the fourth, Edward Scissorhands, which was interrupted by arrival just where Depp was caught during the robbery. I think I shall watch the latter again (ahem!).
And so it ends. I have quite a bit of packing up to do, washing, etc. Just realized how dirty the house is, might do something about it. Might get a little sleepy, might do other things. When the com’s on, things keep moving.
GD slow transfer. Phones are so troublesome, and the photos aren’t great. Man I hope I get a nice camera soon.
Good to be back, nice to be back. Feels like home.
Gosh it’s gonna start raining soon. Wait, scratch that, it is raining.
Monday, June 7, 2010
XXXVIII - the cost of independence, restraint, and discernment
there's something to be said about having doubts
whether the path i choose and the way i choose to take it
is costing me
costing me things i might not need, but things i might like to have
things like fun
although i think i still get fun
besides which, fun is kinda a distraction
a good friend once said, she was a mentor
she said that i was more likely to be a good boyfriend than a good husband
and i didn't like the sound of that, although i knew it was alright because i knew i could be a good husband, sure
and it made me sound cool so that was probably alright. i could live with that
but i think now it might seem like that statement wouldn't be so true of me
i'm hardly more a good boyfriend than a good husband
this isn't only about girls, it's more about the image i carry
which i'm trying to have reflect the things i believe in
like for instance
i'd rather be trustworthy, than fun
and serious, than easy-going
and deliberate, than random
and contemplative, than chatty
things like that
and it sometimes feels like the choices i make have some opportunity cost
sometimes i wonder what i miss out on
i don't get it
why don't people value trustworthiness anymore?
i suspect they do
or i would quickly lose faith in those who don't
interesting
do people feel more comfortable with others when they know their weaknesses?
i think it has something to do with independence
my independence that makes me cold
i might have thanked the girls for being so nice to me
it was nice to have their company
with them as friends, i hardly doubted the path i took
ultimately, doubts are so much a part of life, capital Life
that i'm used to examining them, understanding their concerns
they're a bit seasonal
and the funny thing is that the more i restrain myself from previous ways, ways not unnatural to me
the more cunning my doubts grow, threatening to undermine my resolve on my chosen path
nevertheless, i suppose i'll do my best and bear these doubts
and i shall do so
with vigour
whether the path i choose and the way i choose to take it
is costing me
costing me things i might not need, but things i might like to have
things like fun
although i think i still get fun
besides which, fun is kinda a distraction
a good friend once said, she was a mentor
she said that i was more likely to be a good boyfriend than a good husband
and i didn't like the sound of that, although i knew it was alright because i knew i could be a good husband, sure
and it made me sound cool so that was probably alright. i could live with that
but i think now it might seem like that statement wouldn't be so true of me
i'm hardly more a good boyfriend than a good husband
this isn't only about girls, it's more about the image i carry
which i'm trying to have reflect the things i believe in
like for instance
i'd rather be trustworthy, than fun
and serious, than easy-going
and deliberate, than random
and contemplative, than chatty
things like that
and it sometimes feels like the choices i make have some opportunity cost
sometimes i wonder what i miss out on
i don't get it
why don't people value trustworthiness anymore?
i suspect they do
or i would quickly lose faith in those who don't
interesting
do people feel more comfortable with others when they know their weaknesses?
i think it has something to do with independence
my independence that makes me cold
i might have thanked the girls for being so nice to me
it was nice to have their company
with them as friends, i hardly doubted the path i took
ultimately, doubts are so much a part of life, capital Life
that i'm used to examining them, understanding their concerns
they're a bit seasonal
and the funny thing is that the more i restrain myself from previous ways, ways not unnatural to me
the more cunning my doubts grow, threatening to undermine my resolve on my chosen path
nevertheless, i suppose i'll do my best and bear these doubts
and i shall do so
with vigour
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
XXXVII - not of this world
is the answer that there is no answer
is the truth that there is no truth
is the way that there is no way
actually,
i'm looking for something. and it's not something that can be found, here and now.
i know what my answer is.
but part of it is being here, where there isn't what i need.
the answer may be inversely discoverable from the things i do not need
but i remember that i know the answer
yet part of it is having me here
lost, confused, frustrated, bewildered, disorientated
from trying to fit in into a world i'm not supposed to belong
with people i tell myself that i only want to trust me
forsaking a lot of things, but am i supposed to live these things
or to model after the godfather
when my model should be my Jesus Christ
what kind of person should i want to become
to grow to be, instead of always clowning around
why not the godfather
everybody wants to be d'artagnan, but i realise i want to be athos
cool, noble athos
i realise i want something that makes me want to live
just like every other dumb shit on this earth
only thing is
i'm not supposed to want to do that
everything i believe in
that i want to be
(faith, etc.; wisdom, maturity, etc.)
tells me that i should be a godfather type of character
unless i'm mistaken
i begin to see that my confusion
stems in part from thinking too hard on the subject
when life without such superfluous thinking would be easier
and yet
such as i am
this is my path to tread
it would be easy to assume that i long for heaven
and indeed, such is my assumption and my comfort
but i am to remain here till my last days
just like my Jesus Christ
and so i shall long, and worry, and slightly suffer
so i shall pass my days, uncomfortably
i wish for the days when i just live
drunkenly, carelessly
and let life come to be, come to me
but such would be an illusion
and i sadly would know
that although illusions make our world go round
yet illusions are only illusions in the end
"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."
"I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world."
is the truth that there is no truth
is the way that there is no way
actually,
i'm looking for something. and it's not something that can be found, here and now.
i know what my answer is.
but part of it is being here, where there isn't what i need.
the answer may be inversely discoverable from the things i do not need
but i remember that i know the answer
yet part of it is having me here
lost, confused, frustrated, bewildered, disorientated
from trying to fit in into a world i'm not supposed to belong
with people i tell myself that i only want to trust me
forsaking a lot of things, but am i supposed to live these things
or to model after the godfather
when my model should be my Jesus Christ
what kind of person should i want to become
to grow to be, instead of always clowning around
why not the godfather
everybody wants to be d'artagnan, but i realise i want to be athos
cool, noble athos
i realise i want something that makes me want to live
just like every other dumb shit on this earth
only thing is
i'm not supposed to want to do that
everything i believe in
that i want to be
(faith, etc.; wisdom, maturity, etc.)
tells me that i should be a godfather type of character
unless i'm mistaken
i begin to see that my confusion
stems in part from thinking too hard on the subject
when life without such superfluous thinking would be easier
and yet
such as i am
this is my path to tread
it would be easy to assume that i long for heaven
and indeed, such is my assumption and my comfort
but i am to remain here till my last days
just like my Jesus Christ
and so i shall long, and worry, and slightly suffer
so i shall pass my days, uncomfortably
i wish for the days when i just live
drunkenly, carelessly
and let life come to be, come to me
but such would be an illusion
and i sadly would know
that although illusions make our world go round
yet illusions are only illusions in the end
"If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."
"I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world."
Sunday, May 16, 2010
XXXVI - holidays can be bittersweet too
song of the week: 裘海正, 愛我的人和我愛的人
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nxWB2rmZ5E
honourable mention: john mayer, stop this train
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BTzNX5OMN4
boy hk is nice. and i may not show it, but i thought the company was great too. i'll probably always remember the girls and the one guy when i think of hk. :)
i actually learnt a lot of things. and wish i could say more sometimes. but i think of these things when i think of whether i should say these things: that every person has the right to dream; and i don't really want to impose or intrude.
i'm afraid the girls are kinda not used to me too. haha sigh. i tend to act cool sometimes lar. but like i say, at the end of the day, i really only want people to trust me. and i think i manage that.
wow. really got so many memories. a quick list - the cantonese, the trains, the currency, the roads, ymca, the harbour, roast goose, the streets, the subway/ street level distinction, dim sum, ocean park, drinking + hilarity, the venetian (omg), the peak, the open top bus, dim sum, 臭豆腐, milk tea, po lo pau, roast meats, airport madness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nxWB2rmZ5E
honourable mention: john mayer, stop this train
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BTzNX5OMN4
boy hk is nice. and i may not show it, but i thought the company was great too. i'll probably always remember the girls and the one guy when i think of hk. :)
i actually learnt a lot of things. and wish i could say more sometimes. but i think of these things when i think of whether i should say these things: that every person has the right to dream; and i don't really want to impose or intrude.
i'm afraid the girls are kinda not used to me too. haha sigh. i tend to act cool sometimes lar. but like i say, at the end of the day, i really only want people to trust me. and i think i manage that.
wow. really got so many memories. a quick list - the cantonese, the trains, the currency, the roads, ymca, the harbour, roast goose, the streets, the subway/ street level distinction, dim sum, ocean park, drinking + hilarity, the venetian (omg), the peak, the open top bus, dim sum, 臭豆腐, milk tea, po lo pau, roast meats, airport madness.
i tell you what i regret not being able to say k: friend, i don't really know what's going on, but you have to think about letting it go. the day before, this was you in a microcosm: walking down the street next to her with your right shoelaces untied. maybe you know it, and you're choosing to ignore it, or maybe you don't even know it. i'm worried for you, man. if you think you can keep on, and maybe you won't ever trip, well, who knows.
i'm trying to think maybe you know what you're doing, but man i'm worried for you. and the thing is you're so not independent. i wish you got a good buddy to talk this sort of thing with; i don't know you well enough to presume to tell you all these things.
and i wish the girls knew better; but i suppose they don't know what to do with you either.
that's you, man; i wish for your sake you'd grow up.
besides that, i realise that girls really worry alot about people they care for.
i really don't think i want someone to worry for me.
bittersweet can be so annoying. a really fun holiday, until i had to worry about stuff. let's hope i worry too much.
and let's hope i make a good godfather type.
bittersweet can be so annoying. a really fun holiday, until i had to worry about stuff. let's hope i worry too much.
and let's hope i make a good godfather type.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
XXXV - raw ideas = twitter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiJyHKYGYaQ dire straits, brothers in arms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lN57h_XtiI hendrix, isle of wight, red house
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhVLiHPUOIM rolling stones, wild horses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGYbkJ4HdsM the who, the kids are alright
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3UhkAkon2Y joe bonamassa, mountain time
hope she gets a bf
no running away
drifting
life is not so much measured by achievements and aims and goals, but by the depth of experience, the journey, the realisation of self and of an emotional dynamic equilibrium with one's environment at a high, fulfilling level
the who; hurting body parts
maybe God is only letting the girls that i will never like get close to me (and conversely, the girls that i might someday like never get close to me) so that 1) he ensures that i get the one he wants (and don't get the wrong one in the meantime) and 2) i learn about girls without screwing it up for me or for them; i.e. this (process) is all for the best
i don't question God as to what i'm going, or why i'm here; he has the answer; i've questioned him before; i agree with where i am
that's where you're wrong (, jason)! anyone with good training can tell you the old answer; it takes a very good knowledge of the law (from the abstract to the specific) and a questioning brain to think of an original answer (that remains coherent with fundamental common law principles
realises that life without msn is good
realised that all my life i've been hitting stuff without understanding; why sax players are generally much better than guitar players
of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine
will grow long hair. roughly... jimmy page long hair. or richie blackmore long hair.
a big part of finding the right person is finding the person whose needs i fulfill; therefore the needs must be known, and the fulfillingness must be known; then it's fair to say things would be better (for both) if i were with that girl
wow good defence is better than good offence. i thought it was the other way for soccer.
the godfather: i command this family, right or wrong!
charlie chaplin: i don't believe that the public knows what it wants; this is the conclusion that i have drawn from my career.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lN57h_XtiI hendrix, isle of wight, red house
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhVLiHPUOIM rolling stones, wild horses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGYbkJ4HdsM the who, the kids are alright
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3UhkAkon2Y joe bonamassa, mountain time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVbd9wd9rrg dire straits, romeo and juliet
hope she gets a bf
no running away
drifting
life is not so much measured by achievements and aims and goals, but by the depth of experience, the journey, the realisation of self and of an emotional dynamic equilibrium with one's environment at a high, fulfilling level
the who; hurting body parts
maybe God is only letting the girls that i will never like get close to me (and conversely, the girls that i might someday like never get close to me) so that 1) he ensures that i get the one he wants (and don't get the wrong one in the meantime) and 2) i learn about girls without screwing it up for me or for them; i.e. this (process) is all for the best
i don't question God as to what i'm going, or why i'm here; he has the answer; i've questioned him before; i agree with where i am
that's where you're wrong (, jason)! anyone with good training can tell you the old answer; it takes a very good knowledge of the law (from the abstract to the specific) and a questioning brain to think of an original answer (that remains coherent with fundamental common law principles
realises that life without msn is good
realised that all my life i've been hitting stuff without understanding; why sax players are generally much better than guitar players
of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine
will grow long hair. roughly... jimmy page long hair. or richie blackmore long hair.
a big part of finding the right person is finding the person whose needs i fulfill; therefore the needs must be known, and the fulfillingness must be known; then it's fair to say things would be better (for both) if i were with that girl
wow good defence is better than good offence. i thought it was the other way for soccer.
the godfather: i command this family, right or wrong!
charlie chaplin: i don't believe that the public knows what it wants; this is the conclusion that i have drawn from my career.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
XXXIV - on chasing girls, and ors.
song of the week: albert king, the sky is crying
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcMNB36_SuM
honourable mention:
1. sam brown, stop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muDZD3wgoHI
boy what a terrific voice
2. joe bonamassa, stop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMXXnLSRdBE
i actually do think about stuff that i want to remember about this blog and i write them down so that when i get some time i can properly record them. it kinda gives me something to look forward to as well. so that's alright.
but there usually takes a triggering event before i blog. today it's somewhat in the shape of studying alone in school. but i've been thinking about the people i hang with the past few days.
Part 1.
sometimes, i think, life is kinda like a channel 8 serial. the love triangles and what have you. attendant to which, the relevant and differing degrees of knowledge, actual and constructive.
but i think the hinting-ness and the slight suggestiveness and the changes in attitude (from friends to interests) are the funnier stuff. not funny per se, but certainly interesting, certainly intriguing.
and i sit and watch and i observe and i make mental notes, as i always do. but i do so impartially, i do so without judgment, and i do so with a chuckle and a nod. i try even to keep the last of those concealed. and i like to root for people. conversely, i get quite sad when i think there's two boys who like one girl, or a girl who likes another boy.
and sometimes i do so with a sigh. there's very little i can do, there's even less i should do, if at all, and there's almost nothing i want to do when i'm involved in some way. sometimes i worry about being involved, i worry about being liked, i worry about messy. oh, what a reveal. but it's true, i don't deny it.
and i really, i really think, love, between a boy and a girl, wonderful as it is, fantastic, extraordinary, God-given (or not), and ineffable, is neither necessary, nor sufficient.
it's not that everyone's wrong about this and that i'm right, it's that in all our instinctive and passion-driven striving for romantic love, i think people, i think we, over-esteem romantic love.
maybe it's the flipside... being alone and sad, that fearfully drives us. may God keep this fear far from me.
but the least i can say is that... boys become so strange when they're chasing a girl. i can't say i like them when they're like that. maybe it's just me, but i find it really annoying when boys act differently when they chase girls, as opposed to how they usually act. i'm only going to say one thing - casual possessiveness. it seems like an objectively permissible thing for another boy to do, but it's a pet peeve of mine. i'm allowed to have pet peeves. like, people shaking their head at me. i intensely dislike that.
i suppose as opposed to casual possessiveness, the boy should offer his interest, and the girl should choose. that way, everybody's happy. then all suitors get a chance, the girl gets to decide, and all's fair. it shouldn't be about time and space, i.e. who happens to get more time with the girl in general social company. if it does, i suppose, too bad, and history will record the winner's story. the loser will be sad, i suppose, but really, if it came down to time and space constraints, well, we look forward to a higher love, a 'meant to be' kinda love, even a romantic one. besides, time and space works both ways. heh, that's relatively consoling.
but i acknowledge that girls don't like to be offered to by boys unless they're good friends, i.e. have had time and space with a positive tending result. which makes for interesting and head-scratching dynamics.
but like i've said. finding the right one is the least important thing to worry about. however, if you want to know what i mean, well, it's not that it's not important. on the contrary, the more important something is, the less i want to worry about it. but that's because i've got someone watching over me, and his name is Jesus.
and for the record, i'm not talking about myself. this is what i think in general when one boy likes one girl who spends more time in another boy's company.
Part 2.
whatever people say about Thio Li-ann (i've got the name right), i really like listening to her lecture. funny, smart, cheeky, but not arrogant. i thought, what a talent (and force) she is. i realised that i started to wish her longevity in her field, like, so more would appreciate her. and i thought of jimi hendrix, and stevie ray vaughan. and i realised that people really cherish outstanding flameouts. that people who blazed, even for only a while, were very much more cherished because their time was so short-lived. and i wondered about the uncountable invisible numbers forgotten after their passing, outstanding or not, forgotten nonetheless, due to ill luck or whatever, and i thought it was good that we do cherish (outstanding) people who die (young). we celebrate them for being fantastic, because a glimpse of something wonderful can leave such a remarkable impression. and we tell the stories to others, and to the next generation, and the stories carry so much.
Part 3.
i must have been rather inspired listening to Thio Li-Ann. anyway i thought of how there are parallels between writing and playing music. it's so hard to write a good essay unless you know what your thesis is. mere descriptiveness, rhetoricism, making bald statements, all the bad habits they point out, ultimately stem from lack of the 'eureka'. it's the same when playing a guitar, both technically and thematically. basically, a solo part should have a story to tell, that explains the song. everything else are just bad habits covering up for the lack of a musical thesis. as in, you can play something that fills up the gap between words, or you can augment the song, interpret the song, counterpoint the song.
Part 4.
i've been counting the number of times i think of sex in a day. and it roughly works to about two (if we consider a long period as basically singular). so it's actually true, men do think about sex in the course of a day. and these thoughts are sneaky thoughts. as in they sneak up on me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcMNB36_SuM
honourable mention:
1. sam brown, stop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muDZD3wgoHI
boy what a terrific voice
2. joe bonamassa, stop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMXXnLSRdBE
i actually do think about stuff that i want to remember about this blog and i write them down so that when i get some time i can properly record them. it kinda gives me something to look forward to as well. so that's alright.
but there usually takes a triggering event before i blog. today it's somewhat in the shape of studying alone in school. but i've been thinking about the people i hang with the past few days.
Part 1.
sometimes, i think, life is kinda like a channel 8 serial. the love triangles and what have you. attendant to which, the relevant and differing degrees of knowledge, actual and constructive.
but i think the hinting-ness and the slight suggestiveness and the changes in attitude (from friends to interests) are the funnier stuff. not funny per se, but certainly interesting, certainly intriguing.
and i sit and watch and i observe and i make mental notes, as i always do. but i do so impartially, i do so without judgment, and i do so with a chuckle and a nod. i try even to keep the last of those concealed. and i like to root for people. conversely, i get quite sad when i think there's two boys who like one girl, or a girl who likes another boy.
and sometimes i do so with a sigh. there's very little i can do, there's even less i should do, if at all, and there's almost nothing i want to do when i'm involved in some way. sometimes i worry about being involved, i worry about being liked, i worry about messy. oh, what a reveal. but it's true, i don't deny it.
and i really, i really think, love, between a boy and a girl, wonderful as it is, fantastic, extraordinary, God-given (or not), and ineffable, is neither necessary, nor sufficient.
it's not that everyone's wrong about this and that i'm right, it's that in all our instinctive and passion-driven striving for romantic love, i think people, i think we, over-esteem romantic love.
maybe it's the flipside... being alone and sad, that fearfully drives us. may God keep this fear far from me.
but the least i can say is that... boys become so strange when they're chasing a girl. i can't say i like them when they're like that. maybe it's just me, but i find it really annoying when boys act differently when they chase girls, as opposed to how they usually act. i'm only going to say one thing - casual possessiveness. it seems like an objectively permissible thing for another boy to do, but it's a pet peeve of mine. i'm allowed to have pet peeves. like, people shaking their head at me. i intensely dislike that.
i suppose as opposed to casual possessiveness, the boy should offer his interest, and the girl should choose. that way, everybody's happy. then all suitors get a chance, the girl gets to decide, and all's fair. it shouldn't be about time and space, i.e. who happens to get more time with the girl in general social company. if it does, i suppose, too bad, and history will record the winner's story. the loser will be sad, i suppose, but really, if it came down to time and space constraints, well, we look forward to a higher love, a 'meant to be' kinda love, even a romantic one. besides, time and space works both ways. heh, that's relatively consoling.
but i acknowledge that girls don't like to be offered to by boys unless they're good friends, i.e. have had time and space with a positive tending result. which makes for interesting and head-scratching dynamics.
but like i've said. finding the right one is the least important thing to worry about. however, if you want to know what i mean, well, it's not that it's not important. on the contrary, the more important something is, the less i want to worry about it. but that's because i've got someone watching over me, and his name is Jesus.
and for the record, i'm not talking about myself. this is what i think in general when one boy likes one girl who spends more time in another boy's company.
Part 2.
whatever people say about Thio Li-ann (i've got the name right), i really like listening to her lecture. funny, smart, cheeky, but not arrogant. i thought, what a talent (and force) she is. i realised that i started to wish her longevity in her field, like, so more would appreciate her. and i thought of jimi hendrix, and stevie ray vaughan. and i realised that people really cherish outstanding flameouts. that people who blazed, even for only a while, were very much more cherished because their time was so short-lived. and i wondered about the uncountable invisible numbers forgotten after their passing, outstanding or not, forgotten nonetheless, due to ill luck or whatever, and i thought it was good that we do cherish (outstanding) people who die (young). we celebrate them for being fantastic, because a glimpse of something wonderful can leave such a remarkable impression. and we tell the stories to others, and to the next generation, and the stories carry so much.
Part 3.
i must have been rather inspired listening to Thio Li-Ann. anyway i thought of how there are parallels between writing and playing music. it's so hard to write a good essay unless you know what your thesis is. mere descriptiveness, rhetoricism, making bald statements, all the bad habits they point out, ultimately stem from lack of the 'eureka'. it's the same when playing a guitar, both technically and thematically. basically, a solo part should have a story to tell, that explains the song. everything else are just bad habits covering up for the lack of a musical thesis. as in, you can play something that fills up the gap between words, or you can augment the song, interpret the song, counterpoint the song.
Part 4.
i've been counting the number of times i think of sex in a day. and it roughly works to about two (if we consider a long period as basically singular). so it's actually true, men do think about sex in the course of a day. and these thoughts are sneaky thoughts. as in they sneak up on me.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
XXXIII - thoughts about barcelona
can anyone hate this team? it is most possibly the most dominant team i have ever seen in any sport.
the barca blueprint. wonderful.
okay so having watched last night's el classico, let's have a bit of break down.
Individually
the barca blueprint. wonderful.
okay so having watched last night's el classico, let's have a bit of break down.
Individually
- they have lionel messi.
- who is inhuman. he has absolutely no flaws, technically or mentally (magically). i haven't seen the old greats, but he is perfect.
- if rooney wins wpoy, i'll say it: it ain't even close. don't get me wrong, rooney is wazza, and united definitely need him more (in mvp conversations, this is a key factor), but i think messi is head and shoulders better than rooney.
- for the love of God, may messi never be injured.
- messi has a peter pan look on his face when he scores.
- they have xavi hernandez.
- who is john the friggin' baptist.
- passes like zidane and cantona in their day.
- they have a solid bunch of centre backs.
- they have a pretty good keeper (always underrated in my book; he looks like shane battier).
- i really like andres iniesta. i really like him. he is a terror. i'm not sure he's far off from kaka.
- (where the hell does barca find these ridiculously talented shorties!).
- they have speed on the flanks.
- water carriers in midfield.
- oh i actually forgot they have on the bench,
- ibracadabra.
- henry (sad as he is).
- bojan krkic (they fucking have a clone machine or something, COME ON!).
- they have a manager who inspired cesc fabregas.
- (does this count).
- he looks damn style, btw.
- they (individually) have excellent touch and shielding.
- they have an excellent passing game.
- they have speed.
- they close really really well.
- i think this has to do with how well they keep and play the ball. winning the ball back becomes intuitive - they read plays before they happen.
- watching ron-ron run through them with the ball, barca's trapping defense manages to both swamp him (preventing him from shooting) and prevent him from slipping a pass to an overlapping runner on a crisp route, at the same time. and ron-ron is arguably the best at doing that. but i suppose that when you train with messi and iniesta (not to forget ibra et al.) this is what results.
- their defensive line is solid.
- their flanks are a little weak.
- they excel in tight areas.
- they hold the ball really well.
- they run a lot of crisp overlapping routes.
- i don't think they switch play (as in swing the ball) as much as united does. but this is partly cos of all the above reasons, i.e. they don't need to. scholesy usually pings the ball inch perfect the width of the pitch for nani or valencia to go 1v1, with perhaps an overlap from evra (or god forbid, nev). but this is inherently high risk, even christiano crybaby ronaldo can't pull it off all day. and like i said, barca doesn't need to.
- a cross into the box is often their last option.
- even when the other team fouls them like mad,
- the ref usually protects them (he would otherwise have to be blind).
- they manage to play.
- they manage to play well.
- they have 'dirty' players who break up the opposing team's run of play.
- they are absolutely unselfish. absolutely.
- they play at a top level consistently.
- they've kept free from injury (this takes luck) for nearly the entire season.
Comments
- putting this team next to the gooners' invincibles squad. i'm pretty sure it's a good fight.
- i honestly can't decide; the fact is that messi can unlock any defence in the world, whereas i'm not sure contrari-wise.
- are they better than the united squads i've ever seen?
- what depressing thoughts; how the hell are english teams supposed to catch up.
- how to play them?
- high defensive line - i don't think this works unless the midfield dominates.
- a risk that must be taken. sitting deep and giving space to barca, no chance. a butts to the wall liverpool rubbish in their day couldn't stop this. heck, 15 men on a dead man's chest couldn't stop them from scoring.
- and the risk is great. barca on the counter, i think only man u with ron-ron and rooney could match.
- barca strikers are too good at breaking the offside trap.
- have you seen xavi and iniesta pass lately?
- did you know that messi can pass too?
- i haven't even mentioned ibracadabra - 1st leg nemesis of arsenal's 'high line'
- lock up messi.
- lock up xavi.
- play down the flanks.
- but note that barca is strong in the air defensively. damn that pique.
- hassle all day. foul hard and hope to stay on the field. but look out for puyol, marquez, busquets and keita when your back is turned.
- stay compact.
- boss the midfield - something the great trio of van der vaart, xabi alonso and fernando gago couldn't do.
good luck, mr mourinho. i've always been a fan of yours.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
XXXII - the least important thing to worry about
song of the week: mark knopfler, sultans of swing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ-JyAGUsys
noteworty no. 32s in basketball
karl malone, utah jazz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv_hxB8MWgA
i always hated the mailman (and his pesky sidekick, stockton) because they were the bulls' main competitors, and cos the mailman wasn't a kickass shooting guard. but boy, things change when you really start to pay attention to the game of basketball.
kevin mchale, boston celtics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlSZC4TAYVc
wow is it really that easy!?
julius erving, philadelphia 76ers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpTfb9SkKaQ
ridiculous
rock the baby at no. 1 - shannon brown just copy that move for chrissakes
magic johnson, la lakers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxBM3dTPc_k
showtime!
shaquille o'neal, la lakers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlQ19XoF-fQ
is that all you got?
the funny thing is, after listening to all the old man blues, and feeling older and older every chance i get, a movie like ponyo can get to me. i'm quite possibly young at heart or something. possibly why i love little un's.
anyway the point is that you lose your child eyes and child heart sometime along the way, just plain forget them, but they're always there somewhere. don't grow old, people.
the party's all over, but baby i see your silhouette
we're about to head home, but i know it's your shape
and i run baby cos it's all i can take
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ-JyAGUsys
i <3 the part at 7:41
absolutely <3 it
honourable mention: joe louis walker, billy boy arnold, matt guitar murphy, rebecca
my woman she's a jockey, she's teaching me how to ride
my woman she's a jockey, she's teaching poor joe how to ride
stick the thing in the middle, move from side to side
noteworty no. 32s in basketball
karl malone, utah jazz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv_hxB8MWgA
i always hated the mailman (and his pesky sidekick, stockton) because they were the bulls' main competitors, and cos the mailman wasn't a kickass shooting guard. but boy, things change when you really start to pay attention to the game of basketball.
kevin mchale, boston celtics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlSZC4TAYVc
wow is it really that easy!?
julius erving, philadelphia 76ers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpTfb9SkKaQ
ridiculous
rock the baby at no. 1 - shannon brown just copy that move for chrissakes
magic johnson, la lakers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxBM3dTPc_k
showtime!
shaquille o'neal, la lakers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlQ19XoF-fQ
is that all you got?
the funny thing is, after listening to all the old man blues, and feeling older and older every chance i get, a movie like ponyo can get to me. i'm quite possibly young at heart or something. possibly why i love little un's.
anyway the point is that you lose your child eyes and child heart sometime along the way, just plain forget them, but they're always there somewhere. don't grow old, people.
the party's all over, but baby i see your silhouette
we're about to head home, but i know it's your shape
and i run baby cos it's all i can take
Thursday, April 8, 2010
XXXI - lone-wolf
song of the week: gary moore, still got the blues
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O_YMLDvvnw
honourable mention: joe bonamassa, the thrill is gone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiyVWyPH7Ls
i've not so much made up my mind, as come to a realisation.
maybe it's the blues i've been listening to. the blues... it sorta makes being sad damn cool. but it's more than sadness. it transcends sadness, i think. it's better than sadness. being able to write a beautiful blues song about a sad situation, is, i think, celebrating it, not joyously, but affirming it, revelling in it, maybe indulging in it. yes, this is the blues. it's a soul connection with how a man feels about women, from all of time, from the time when blues began. the blues is soft, and the blues is melodic, and the blues is loud, and the blues is wild, and the blues weeps, and the blues roars, and the blues feels all the things a man feels. and my caveat is that i'm not sad, just bluesy 'sad'. and i'm very blues, oh, very blues right now.
a man sings the blues to no one, i think. he sings it to himself. i think the woman the blues song is written for was never meant to hear the song. and that sits just fine with me.
and my realisation is this. i'm fine. i'm absolutely fine. and i haven't said this for awhile, but shoot, things couldn't be better.
also, that chemistry and character-matching is important.
sooooo longggggg... it was sooooo longgg agoo...
but i've still got the blues for youuu
oh listen to that gibson... god!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4O_YMLDvvnw
honourable mention: joe bonamassa, the thrill is gone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiyVWyPH7Ls
i've not so much made up my mind, as come to a realisation.
maybe it's the blues i've been listening to. the blues... it sorta makes being sad damn cool. but it's more than sadness. it transcends sadness, i think. it's better than sadness. being able to write a beautiful blues song about a sad situation, is, i think, celebrating it, not joyously, but affirming it, revelling in it, maybe indulging in it. yes, this is the blues. it's a soul connection with how a man feels about women, from all of time, from the time when blues began. the blues is soft, and the blues is melodic, and the blues is loud, and the blues is wild, and the blues weeps, and the blues roars, and the blues feels all the things a man feels. and my caveat is that i'm not sad, just bluesy 'sad'. and i'm very blues, oh, very blues right now.
a man sings the blues to no one, i think. he sings it to himself. i think the woman the blues song is written for was never meant to hear the song. and that sits just fine with me.
and my realisation is this. i'm fine. i'm absolutely fine. and i haven't said this for awhile, but shoot, things couldn't be better.
also, that chemistry and character-matching is important.
sooooo longggggg... it was sooooo longgg agoo...
but i've still got the blues for youuu
oh listen to that gibson... god!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
XXX - it's close
song of the week: allman brothers, in memory of elizabeth reed
honourable mention: joe bonamassa, if heartaches were nickels
hmm, xXx.
a quick tribute to my action stars when growing up, then.
Arnold - True Lies, Last Action Hero, Terminator 1, Terminator 2, Eraser, PREDATOR, Conan
Sylvester - Ram-fucking-bo, ROCKY, Judge-fucking-Dredd, the Specialist, Demolition Man
Steven - Under Siege, Hard to Kill, the Glimmer Man, Fire Down Below, the Patriot
Richard - Macguyver, anyone?
Tom - Top Gun, Mission Impossible,
Nicolas - FIREBIRDS, Con Air, Face/Off,
John - Face/Off, PULP FICTION
Al - THE GODFATHER
Samuel - Unbreakable, Die Hard, PULP FICTION
Jackie - DRUKEN MASTER, Police Story, all those old chinese fight shows
Michael - Batman Returns
Bruce - Enter the Dragon, Fists of Fury, Way of the Dragon
Jet - Fong Sai Yuk, WONG FEI HUNG, all those old shaolin shows
Mel - the Patriot, Lethal Weapon, Braveheart,
Bruce - Die Hard
yup, long way to go, vinny. but you're looking good.
it's close
i wonder if i'll miss this
whether or not it happens
i'm pretty sure i'll be alright
i think that's fair
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
XXIX - 嘴硬心软
song of the week: ooh! aah! cantona!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ6moPWuzqM
honourable mention: mark cole, vaughandrix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KYLkuhaePA
during the past few days, i wondered:
do people treat me coldly sometimes?
i've given it much thought, both objective and subjective. and i've come to some conclusions.
firstly, it's very hard to second guess other people.
secondly, it's very easy to misunderstand other people, especially when only a short exchange occurs, in limited circumstances.
thirdly, i don't like to worry about what other people think of me, because, well, to put it briefly, i roughly know what i'm doing. i think this is, secularly speaking, the most important conclusion.
fourthly, it's best not to come to any conclusions, fluid or whatsoever, without actual communication.
fifthly, everything waxes and wanes, like the population of toads in a pond. (check out the links, just note the cool graphs) think complex equilibriums.
http://www.inhs.uiuc.edu/research/biocontrol/theoriesmodels/nbmodel.html
http://books.google.com.sg/books?id=1cFozFXjjlAC&pg=PA182&lpg=PA182&dq=Nicholson-Bailey+Model&source=bl&ots=atJvMYtR21&sig=usJboYXk7D2TCrFP-rNhLXI4IZY&hl=en&ei=MheyS4HqFJG3rAeik8yhBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=10&ved=0CC4Q6AEwCQ#v=onepage&q=Nicholson-Bailey%20Model&f=false
http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/sci/maths/people/staff/matt_keeling/math_modelling/stochastic/
sixthly, a christian is judged by his fruit. understandably, judgment by man is subjective, even if there are well-established objective criteria for judgment. but there is no inconsistency here. God is my judge, not man. and i think i do alright here.
the funny thing is, i decided to be extra nice to people lately as far as i could. and i generally get the feeling, whether or not as a result of my endeavours, that people are warmer to me. this tells me some things.
firstly, people like to be (at least, by appearances) treated nicely. also, in a short exchange, what person A remembers most about person B, and how he treats B, depends quite substantially on how B acted towards A in his previous exchange. this is true even where i think my character compensates for however unpleasant (if at all) i was in past exchanges.
secondly, there's no reason that what i roughly think i know of what i'm doing is misguided or errant. to doubt this would go to the pith and marrow of a lot of what i think i do or ought to do. dangerous ground.
thirdly, it's hard to be batman-ish. as in, i feel that people tend not to appreciate a good person if that person is cold or cool by demeanour and general interaction.
fourthly, people who i see less often treat me more nicely (if only for pleasantries) than people i see more often. strange (and lamentable), but true.
fifthly, i care a bit more for being treated nicely than i care to admit.
therefore my conclusion is that it's important (if at least to grease the wheels of social life) to at least try and treat people nicely, in short exchanges. i thought i cared little for what people thought of me short term, because the person i was in the long run would shine through. sadly, this may not work out as i expected.
whether or not i can still do my 'al pacino' thing then. ah screw it. i'd rather be al pacino.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ6moPWuzqM
honourable mention: mark cole, vaughandrix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KYLkuhaePA
during the past few days, i wondered:
do people treat me coldly sometimes?
i've given it much thought, both objective and subjective. and i've come to some conclusions.
firstly, it's very hard to second guess other people.
secondly, it's very easy to misunderstand other people, especially when only a short exchange occurs, in limited circumstances.
thirdly, i don't like to worry about what other people think of me, because, well, to put it briefly, i roughly know what i'm doing. i think this is, secularly speaking, the most important conclusion.
fourthly, it's best not to come to any conclusions, fluid or whatsoever, without actual communication.
fifthly, everything waxes and wanes, like the population of toads in a pond. (check out the links, just note the cool graphs) think complex equilibriums.
http://www.inhs.uiuc.edu/research/biocontrol/theoriesmodels/nbmodel.html
http://books.google.com.sg/books?id=1cFozFXjjlAC&pg=PA182&lpg=PA182&dq=Nicholson-Bailey+Model&source=bl&ots=atJvMYtR21&sig=usJboYXk7D2TCrFP-rNhLXI4IZY&hl=en&ei=MheyS4HqFJG3rAeik8yhBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=10&ved=0CC4Q6AEwCQ#v=onepage&q=Nicholson-Bailey%20Model&f=false
http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/sci/maths/people/staff/matt_keeling/math_modelling/stochastic/
sixthly, a christian is judged by his fruit. understandably, judgment by man is subjective, even if there are well-established objective criteria for judgment. but there is no inconsistency here. God is my judge, not man. and i think i do alright here.
the funny thing is, i decided to be extra nice to people lately as far as i could. and i generally get the feeling, whether or not as a result of my endeavours, that people are warmer to me. this tells me some things.
firstly, people like to be (at least, by appearances) treated nicely. also, in a short exchange, what person A remembers most about person B, and how he treats B, depends quite substantially on how B acted towards A in his previous exchange. this is true even where i think my character compensates for however unpleasant (if at all) i was in past exchanges.
secondly, there's no reason that what i roughly think i know of what i'm doing is misguided or errant. to doubt this would go to the pith and marrow of a lot of what i think i do or ought to do. dangerous ground.
thirdly, it's hard to be batman-ish. as in, i feel that people tend not to appreciate a good person if that person is cold or cool by demeanour and general interaction.
fourthly, people who i see less often treat me more nicely (if only for pleasantries) than people i see more often. strange (and lamentable), but true.
fifthly, i care a bit more for being treated nicely than i care to admit.
therefore my conclusion is that it's important (if at least to grease the wheels of social life) to at least try and treat people nicely, in short exchanges. i thought i cared little for what people thought of me short term, because the person i was in the long run would shine through. sadly, this may not work out as i expected.
whether or not i can still do my 'al pacino' thing then. ah screw it. i'd rather be al pacino.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
XXVIII - http://xkcd.com/432/
song of the week: u2, pride (in the name of love)
honourable mention: f4,情非得已
for the whole story, see
http://xkcd.com/374/
http://xkcd.com/377/
http://xkcd.com/405/
and finally, http://xkcd.com/433/
i think at the end of the day
i only want to be trustworthy
i wonder if it seems like that
or whether people think about it
or even treasure it
and sometimes i can't help but think, after all this, i'm pretty sure you ought to trust me more than that
but that's not the point
the point is i find it important to be trustworthy
yikes i fell asleep and had a slow mo running away nightmare
it was about a parking attendant who almost hit me with his lorry and then threatened to... do something. something along the lines of... abusing his administrative law powers.
he... brandished his beep thingy at me.
anyway
i'm about to change my mind
but before i change my mind
i somehow have the feeling
(and i've had it all day)
that i'm gonna be single longer than i imagine
just the feeling that
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb1XXs7e7ac
just musing about it
about to change my mind anyway
Friday, March 19, 2010
XXVII - hidden in your hands
song of the week: the heights, how do you talk to an angel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5HIarf0CFM
honourable mention: dan seals, i'd really love to see you tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCUyjLiUBYw
not in the bottom of drinking glasses
not in late night runs
not on msn and facebook
not in sleeping dreams
not in old buddies
nor in pretty friends
not in music i like
not in textbooks
not in pretty technology
not in food, hardly
not in sports
not in health and vanity
not in my reflection
not in the way i tilt my features
not in the quiet night
nor in the hazy stars
not in singing songs out loud
not in singing voices
not in jios
not in things to look forward to
not in all these fun things
not in windows
not in seasons
not in things i want
not in things i wish for, people i wish for
not in love across the world
not in missing things
not in the joy of couples
not in this or that clique
not in words
not in cool guitar sounds
not in the things i say
not in the things i do
not in the things i stand for
not in the things i aspire towards
not in my character
not in values, ideals, noble aims
not in anything that i set myself out to be
not in all these serious things
no, no, not in all these things
not one bit in any of these things
but perhaps
as i look at my hands
perceive them, wonder at them
realise as i gaze upon them
comprehend them
picture myself watching them
in the quiet hollow of my hands
in the cradle of my palms
in the cup of my open grasp
not in my hands, no
but in the idea that
everything else can change
maybe even these hands, i suppose
but what you need is what you can do
and what you can do is in what your hands are
and what your hands are is what you are
and what you are, like what your hands are
is in your hands
it's easier when life is rolling along
and take my word for it, life is rolling along
to go with the flow and get lost in its charms
to live and to celebrate life without any of this superfluous (existential angst)
but i just got caught, suddenly
looking at my hands
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5HIarf0CFM
honourable mention: dan seals, i'd really love to see you tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCUyjLiUBYw
not in the bottom of drinking glasses
not in late night runs
not on msn and facebook
not in sleeping dreams
not in old buddies
nor in pretty friends
not in music i like
not in textbooks
not in pretty technology
not in food, hardly
not in sports
not in health and vanity
not in my reflection
not in the way i tilt my features
not in the quiet night
nor in the hazy stars
not in singing songs out loud
not in singing voices
not in jios
not in things to look forward to
not in all these fun things
not in windows
not in seasons
not in things i want
not in things i wish for, people i wish for
not in love across the world
not in missing things
not in the joy of couples
not in this or that clique
not in words
not in cool guitar sounds
not in the things i say
not in the things i do
not in the things i stand for
not in the things i aspire towards
not in my character
not in values, ideals, noble aims
not in anything that i set myself out to be
not in all these serious things
no, no, not in all these things
not one bit in any of these things
but perhaps
as i look at my hands
perceive them, wonder at them
realise as i gaze upon them
comprehend them
picture myself watching them
in the quiet hollow of my hands
in the cradle of my palms
in the cup of my open grasp
not in my hands, no
but in the idea that
everything else can change
maybe even these hands, i suppose
but what you need is what you can do
and what you can do is in what your hands are
and what your hands are is what you are
and what you are, like what your hands are
is in your hands
it's easier when life is rolling along
and take my word for it, life is rolling along
to go with the flow and get lost in its charms
to live and to celebrate life without any of this superfluous (existential angst)
but i just got caught, suddenly
looking at my hands
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
XXVI - federal building, or, love is quantum physics, or, an inkling
song of the week: hotel california
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW-MHC6TwWY&feature=related
this song is magic, enchanted.
honourable mention: glamorous
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0SyUgw98tE
you can dub glamorous into any song. any song at all.
-----
everytime i pass by the upper quad, this is what i think,
man i'm glad to be here
i remember the second law school interview i had, and what i thought,
gosh i'd be happy to be here
what a beautiful school
today i thought,
wouldn't it be more awesome if i had all these other things i wanted (on top of being here)
sure, these are good things to want, good things to aim for, nothing wrong with having these ambitions
not having these things, sure, it sucks
but it doesn't take away from what i have
and that is pretty good
pretty
darn
good
:)
-----
talking to the girls today about girls,
i realise i sound a lot calmer than i am.
as in cos i do sometimes doubt myself, privately
maybe it's a masquerade, maybe i'd find it hard to be so cool if the chance came my way
maybe i'm still confused
or maybe i'm not, and maybe i'm right
maybe i do know what i want, and what i'm doing
or maybe i have faith enough not to be too bothered
the fact is
having talked it out, to both boys and girls
it looks like i'm on the right track, insofar as the right track means sitting on my hands, but
talking about love is just like quantum physics, the heisenburg uncertainty principle, predicting electron paths
the more accurately you know the position of your feelings, the less accurately you know the momentum your feelings possess
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle
and to a lesser extent, the observer effect principle
observing feelings in action actually changes the manner in which the feelings manifest
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect_(physics)
-----
i roughly think i know what my ian-shaped hole is
wisdom
wisdom...
wisdom with God's grace
might be just a matter of time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW-MHC6TwWY&feature=related
this song is magic, enchanted.
honourable mention: glamorous
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0SyUgw98tE
you can dub glamorous into any song. any song at all.
-----
everytime i pass by the upper quad, this is what i think,
man i'm glad to be here
i remember the second law school interview i had, and what i thought,
gosh i'd be happy to be here
what a beautiful school
today i thought,
wouldn't it be more awesome if i had all these other things i wanted (on top of being here)
sure, these are good things to want, good things to aim for, nothing wrong with having these ambitions
not having these things, sure, it sucks
but it doesn't take away from what i have
and that is pretty good
pretty
darn
good
:)
-----
talking to the girls today about girls,
i realise i sound a lot calmer than i am.
as in cos i do sometimes doubt myself, privately
maybe it's a masquerade, maybe i'd find it hard to be so cool if the chance came my way
maybe i'm still confused
or maybe i'm not, and maybe i'm right
maybe i do know what i want, and what i'm doing
or maybe i have faith enough not to be too bothered
the fact is
having talked it out, to both boys and girls
it looks like i'm on the right track, insofar as the right track means sitting on my hands, but
talking about love is just like quantum physics, the heisenburg uncertainty principle, predicting electron paths
the more accurately you know the position of your feelings, the less accurately you know the momentum your feelings possess
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle
and to a lesser extent, the observer effect principle
observing feelings in action actually changes the manner in which the feelings manifest
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect_(physics)
-----
i roughly think i know what my ian-shaped hole is
wisdom
wisdom...
wisdom with God's grace
might be just a matter of time.
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